"I miss the days when an extra-long cord was the pinnacle of phone technology." -Maxine

Me, too, Maxine. Me, too.

Our local cable provider is going digital. That means we all have to, too. Pisses me off. It's just an added box with added cords and added electricity and added chances of fire or for me to fuck something up. Amazingly, it all works, but man, it still pisses me off.

And my goddamn Kindle. AARRGGHH!!!!! It freezes. It loses the wireless connection for no apparent reason. And now, of all freaking days, it refuses to connect to my computer, which means, it refuses to charge. Fucking thing.

I think it's time to get the hell away from all technology and read.

My friends, Eric & Theresa, lost their dog. Not lost as in "Roo is missing! $1,000 reward!" but as in...dead. Was kind of a shock. And it made me so freaking sad to know how sad they were feeling because I'm still sad. *sigh* Sad. Time. Time is the only thing that helps and it never passes fast enough for my taste. So, "they" say deaths happen in threes but that usually means people. I'm applying it to pets. Two down, one to go. Keep your eyes on your pets, people.

Yesterday just about did me in. I weeded all around the house, got out all my pots (5) and gnomes (2), mowed, trimmed, potted flowers and brought outside 3 large potted plants that I had upstairs all winter. I. Was. Spent. When did I get so out of shape? Oh yeah, I haven't worked out in weeks...probably more like over a month...so yeah, out of shape. Here's the thing, though. I was working out religiously and not losing any more weight and I haven't worked out at all and my weight's still the same, so really, what good is working out? To make my body look better? For who? Me? What do I care? I'm happy as long as I can walk around my house without a bra on. That's the highlight of my days.

I'm just....*sigh*....done. The day has just begun and I'm done....

Not every craft can turn out....perfect.

I've been wanting to hang something "springy" on my front door. The door gets no use (unless a stranger pops over), so ok, very rare use but it is the front door so it needs something welcoming.

I cut up Garfield's empty box of litter, which just about took off my thumb and every other extremity I (still) have and made a perfect circle using my handy protractor (who thought I'd ever need that again after 7th grade?) and made a cardboard wreath. I wrapped it in yarn yesterday & last night (I had to take a break b/c my yarn was getting all knotted up and I was just about ready to just cut the whole thing into teeny-tiny-little pieces...I may still, yet.)

So I had a perfect yarn-covered wreath....with no adornments. So I decided to try to make some flowers out of old t-shirt materials (didn't work) and then moved on to coffee filter flowers (which also didn't work) and finally decided on a spring-colored-banner.

If you're not laughing right now, something is wrong with you.

It'd be great if reflected in a mirror! Oh hell.

Thankfully, it was an easy fix.

I added an egg-carton flower (which also just about took off my thumb the other day...). Now for some ribbon (MOM!) or something and to hang away!

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” Leonardo Da Vinci

My brother & I did this today:

DIY Upholster Headboard

Remember? This is what my headboard looked like:

This bedroom set was bought when I was 14 years old. That was 1989-90. I wonder how many times this bed has been moved from one home to another? A LOT, I can assure you. It's old and tired and needed a little DIY-update.

2 pcs of 1/2" thick foam & batting

My brother's so smart - used the excess foam to fill in the "crevices" on the frame.

Done! And sooooo cushy! 

The fabric is a light gray but looks a little purplish with all the purple I have. I can't wait to go relax against my nice, comfy, smooshy, no-banging-against-the-wall bed!

Now, to paint the nightstands, lol!

Verbal vomit

I don't even know what to write about so I'm just going to start verbally vomiting over you...See? I didn't even have a clever quote for the title today....Ugh.

I've been on a pumpkin kick. It just sounds good, doesn't it? So, I made this:

Pumpkin Cheesecake Bars

As I was making this, I kept thinking, "There's no way all of this is going to fit in an 8X8 pan and bake properly, no matter what the recipe says!" But it turned out o.k. I did bake it for an additional 10 minutes (so 50 total). It's very, very, very cream-cheesy. I didn't use any of the chocolate suggested for the crust and cream-cheese filling - I just wasn't in a chocolate mood. And it doesn't really taste like pumpkin (probably because all I can taste is cream cheese) so this morning I added this:

I had some leftover dark chocolate so I melted it down with a little coconut oil and drizzled it on top. We'll see when I dive into it later...It's something you definitely can't eat a lot of in one sitting - it's just too much. I'm sure it'll be gone by the end of the day. Who needs meat?

Speaking of, geez, I'm sick of having to think about what I'm going to want to eat so I can thaw whatever meat I'm going to use. I don't know what I want to eat hours beforehand! I miss the days of just sticking a pizza in the oven and being done with it. AND, I am so sick of doing dishes constantly. I only have one pot, one pan, one mixing bowl (ok, actually two), one spatula, one set of beaters....so, of course, I wash them in the sink as soon as I'm done using them. I'm not going to run the dishwasher every damn day. But.....ugh....I'm sick of doing dishes. I haven't lost any more weight. I'm stuck at 137lbs. But at least it's under 140!

I left the house yesterday to get groceries and when I got back, Garfield was in her crazy-mode - running all over the house, leaping up onto the bed, tearing around, bunching up the rugs, giving me that "I'm wild!" look....so I played with her for a bit but she got a little too excited and tried to bite me so I calmed her down. Or at least I thought I did. And then she went for my arm. I flung it back (I think she may have been still attached) and she flew to the floor and I didn't see her for awhile. I think she was mad at me. Umm, hello, I'm the one with a puncture wound.

I had goosebumps.

Can you get "cat-scratch-fever" from a cat bite or does it have to be a scratch? I wonder...

Oh, and since I had some leftover pumpkin and I've finally found some decent coconut flour pancake recipes, last night I made these:

The recipe made 8 total and it was too much....not that I didn't eat all of them, but I was overly-full when done. They were pretty good, but again, no pumpkin taste. I even added cinnamon, nutmeg and ginger. Nothing. They were still good...I'm so glad I can eat pancakes....the "normal" ones make me sick, literally, so I haven't eaten pancakes in a long time. These do not make me sick, so, very happy about that. 

God, I'm even boring myself. I'm going to go get my haircut....which I desperately need. 

"You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar...Of course, how you spend your leisure time is your business." -Maxine

First off, I think it's safe to say, I've had a crappy week. My aunt Hope told me to give myself a break...I'm still grieving. And if not for her words, I may have just gone out & killed someone....anyone...it wouldn't have mattered who. I cried a lot. I smiled (while crying) thinking of Elvis. And I felt guilty. Oh geez, so much guilt. That's the thing with our pets when we decide to put them down - they can't tell us what they want - not like humans - so how do we really, really know it's the right thing to do? And then there's the guilt over the relief I feel - relief I don't have to worry about him anymore falling off the bed or getting lost; relief I don't have to feel his wet snot sneezed into my face; relief I don't have to clean 2 litter boxes and I can have my bedroom back. So much relief....and so much guilt over that relief.

But it's over and done with. I can't take it back. I can't make him better. He's gone. Just gone. And I need to get o.k. with that.

*sigh* So damn hard.

Garfield has been super through all this. It's like she's a new cat. I hear her tromping through the house, sounding like a herd of elephants...running & playing. And she's barely left the bed. She must be thrilled to have such a big place to sleep...if only she'd use that space. She's always right next to me, which, I guess, I need. Now all I need for her to do is live at least a year. Not that she's sick or anything (though who knows) but I can't take another death any time soon, pet or otherwise. It'd just be too damn much.

I haven't felt much like doing anything this week....but I have.

I hung this here:

I was going to hang it on my front door using ribbon and a command strip, but the command strip I had was small and wouldn't hold that much weight, so the thing sat on my floor for awhile until I finally got fed up & just hung it. Isn't going to hurt my bedroom walls any to have more holes. All 4 walls need to be repaired, so no biggy.

And last night I made this:

I made the "A" using old Kleenex box, wrapped it in string and glued it to leftover fabric. Took me 2 hours! Mostly because all of my box cutters are dull so it took for-ev-er to cut out the "A". Useless. Don't know what I'm going to do with it, but it's something.

I also made my own bug spray (for the body) because I get eaten alive by flies every time I go outside. I was using "Off" but it's just so toxic and let's face it, I don't want to give Garfield any reason to die soooooo I mixed witch hazel, apple cider vinegar and peppermint extract. Smells like vinegar, but I don't particularly care as long as it works....and the one day I was able to sit outside this week, it did. A good test will be when I mow again because I am swarmed! I must smell like shit to attract so many flies, lol.

Natural Outdoor Fly Repellent

I'm going to make my own detergent. Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? It's like I'm becoming one of those damn hippie all natural nature lovers...I'm not. I just think it's sound economics. What I make will last me a year (at least, since I so rarely do laundry) and will save me $, which I desperately need to do. AND, a possible added bonus, maybe I won't get those damn boils on my groin any more since they seem to be making more frequent appearances lately. So I'm going to mix Borax, Arm & Hammer Washing Soap and Fels-Naptha and see what I get. Should be interesting. I'm waiting to do it until I run out of the detergent I have so I can reuse the bottle. I have milk jugs for the other 2 gallons.

Liquid Laundry Soap

Today I made shortbread because - and I have no idea why - I've seriously been jonesin' for it....Yeah, I think after I eat 2 or 3 of these, I'll never want to eat another again. My regular flour is old, old, old and maybe that's why they turned out like this:

I knew when I was mixing the ingredients (flour, sugar, butter) that it wasn't turning "doughy" so I added an egg and more butter. They got a little more doughy, but not much. The dough tasted good, though (will probably get sick from eating so much of it unbaked!) so I went ahead and rolled it out, froze it and then baked it. Yeeeeeaaaaahhhhhh....will probably not use that recipe again. AND, did you know there are 21 g of carbs in 1/4 cup of regular flour? Holy shit! I don't even want to add up how many grams are in these...it's too much and ignorance is bliss. But I suspect most of these will end up in the garbage. Or feeding the birds.

I'm going to go cuddle with this big girl....

At least she knows her space and where not to lay....

"If only our tongue were made of glass, how much more careful we would be when we speak.”

I don't much feel like writing or sharing or much of anything. But if I don't do it today, then tomorrow's will just be a book and you don't want that...nobody wants that.

Yesterday seemed like such an easy day without Elvis. I was busy a lot of the day so that may have helped. But today...not so much. I kept dreaming about Elvis last night and I even woke up at one point and said, "Elvis, I can't breathe..." and then realized he wasn't there to hear me. Today is definitely sadder than yesterday.

But here's something that perks me up (a bit)

She's getting a little too comfy...

And I have been busy. Dad came over yesterday morning and drilled a hole in my bedroom floor to move the cable-cable closer to the new placement of my t.v. - using 3 splitters was causing quite a bit of interference. So that worked out good. And then he drilled a hole in my "Lucky" sign so I could add a star. I hung it here:

In my bedroom b/c Mom said hanging it outside "might send the wrong message". Hmm, hadn't thought of that! 

Turned out great & project done. Feels good.

And then today I made this:

from this:

It's just edging fence painted white with an old shirt stapled to the back and coffee filter flowers...all of which I had, so no money spent. And really didn't take long at all. I told Mom I might hang it on my front door. She didn't seem to like that idea (does she ever like any of my ideas?) but I'm going to give it a whirl.

What to do next? Better get on that time-sucking-vortex called Pinterest and find out!

"Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force." -Yoda, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Yesterday was rough, I gotta admit. I haven't cried that much in a long, long time. I haven't let myself cry that much in a long time. I was so grief-stricken, I couldn't eat...and it made me wonder (not that anybody did this), why is it people always bring food for those who've had a loss? Like they can eat. Maybe it's so the people don't have to worry about actually making something because, as I can attest, that ain't gonna happen.

But today's a new day and while I slept like total shit, I feel......ok. I'm actually looking forward to mowing and putting out my front porch furniture....and then napping like mad. Yeah, my eyes are so swollen, I can barely open them, but that's ok. Shan stopped by yesterday after she'd heard (her mom called her to make sure Elvis had a burial spot - they were my go-to while Mom & Dad were away....) and I cried, cried, cried and then, talking about it more...I wasn't crying as much. I was so damn tired, I'm not sure I could produce any more tears. If it's this bad with a pet, how am I going to do when it's a close family member?

As I've said before, lock me in a rubber room for a week.

It took Garfield several hours to figure out she had the run of the house. She was still a bit skittish last night and every single noise she heard from the house made her perk up & be on alert....but no growling! For the first time in 4 months, no growling!!

Here's the problem with sleeping with Garfield: She weighs a ton and while she has an entire side of the bed, she has to be right next to me, tightening the blankets, blocking me in. I can't tell you how many times I moved around & she'd end up on her head because she refused to move. So, it's going to take awhile for us to get used to each other, but....thank goodness I have her to bitch about.

A Tribute to the King

Better days...

And all his antics...

He used to love laying on me like this...

I wonder why cats think they can fit into small space?

He went crazy over the movie "Bolt". Silly cat.

Such a chill boy. 

At the apartment, broke into the cupboard and pushed the tool drawer out. So strong!

And these last days....

After his haircut...

How is he breathing?

Has to be right on the edge...

And today...

I started this blog this morning...before taking Elvis to the vet. I knew I wouldn't want to do much when I got home. I knew my eyes would be just about swollen shut from crying and I'd have a headache and all I'd want to do was curl up into bed.

I was partly right. I have bawled my eyes out. I got home from burying him at Mom & Dad's (death is a very solitary thing, I've decided) and I just sat in my car (with the engine off!) and sobbed & sobbed & sobbed. It was as if my grief was a solid mass of tears and I was trying to purge it all at once. I just sat there & cried. I didn't want to get out of the car. If I got out of the car, then I'd go in the house, and if I went in the house, I'd see Elvis wasn't there to greet me and I'd have to face it that he wasn't ever going to greet me again. Ah, god, that was so damn hard.

But I made it in the house and I started washing all the blankets & pillows & towels that had been his "landing pads" and sleeping pads. I was washing him out. And then I rearranged my bedroom. I've wanted to do this for awhile now but didn't because I didn't want to confuse him and now I needed to do it because the way it was reminded me too much...I needed different.

So I went from this:

Bed on North wall. 

to this:

Bed on East wall. 

My cable is using about 3 splitters to reach the NW wall (that's why I'd set the room up the way I had it before..) but it works.

And now I'm going to eat my lunch, finish the laundry and crawl into bed....and see if Garfield realizes she has the run of the house.

"I believe cats to be spirits come to earth. A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through." - Jules Verne

Once the decision is made up in my mind, it's made up. There's no turning back. Not for me.

I've decided to call the vet first thing in the morning and ask him to put Elvis down.

I keep trying to justify my decision in my own head:

He's had 17 fantastic years. I've got to spend 13 of them with him. He's had a full, full life. He's not enjoying himself. This isn't living. 

And then I remember petting him all day today and hearing him purr and rub his head against my hand and I think, "Is he? Does he?"

*sigh*

I wish he could talk.

At least our family's decision for Mom is out front & known: Pull the plug. Mine, too. Pull the damn plug.

I think it was appropriate for Mom to give me this the other day from her garage sale pile (i.e. Mom's Closet). I found a place for it yesterday:

My family tree.

Ah hell. I'm getting all teary. There's enough time for that tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. And the next. 

I made lunch today for Mom & Dad - the Cauliflower Mac-n-Cheese Ham Casserole. Much better this time around because I had heavy whipping cream. Who knew it'd make such a difference? And I even made a new dessert: 

Caramel Shortbread Bars

I'm not sure why they're called "Caramel" bars....The "caramel" is peanut butter. Hmmmm. And I didn't have xantham gum so I used an egg white instead. They turned out goooooood, though I wish I had a different almond flour. Mine is almond flour/meal and I think the "meal" makes a big difference. They're still delicious and while Mom & Dad had two pieces and me one, I'll finish the rest of the damn pan by myself. So, they're good. Oh yeah, they're good. 

I'm off to give more lovin' to Elvis....he's earned it.

“You’re the reason I get up in the morning. That, and I need to pee.” ― Darynda Jones, Seventh Grave and No Body

It's after 9 o'clock on a Saturday night. What are you doing? At the movies? At a nice restaurant? At the bar? In bed, perhaps?

Nope. Not me. I'm none of the above. My exciting Saturday night is spent - instead of soundly sleeping - washing my bedding.

And can you guess why? I bet you can.....

Didn't I say in a previous post that if Elvis pissed in the bed, it'd be his funeral? Damn me & my smart quips.

He had stayed in bed, under the covers all afternoon & evening. I about sat on his head when I got into bed, but I decided to let him lie there for awhile longer....But when it came time for him to scoot over so I could finally, finally, finally lay my head down to go to sleep (yes, at 9 o'clock at night!).....

I lifted the covers and he just eyed me. I tried to scoot him over but he wouldn't budge, so I scooted him over myself. And then he started bathing himself, which I thought odd. Aren't there better places to bathe yourself than under the covers? And then I noticed his tail was a little wet and I thought, "That's not from bathing..." and I threw the covers off and yep, a load of pee. In my spot. And not from me.

It makes me immeasurably sad. I just look at his sweet little face and think, "How can I let you go?" And I think, little children wet the bed all the time and their parents don't "put them to sleep" and the elderly wear diapers most of the time and we don't "put them to sleep" so am I a horrible person if I let Elvis go because he let himself go all over my bed?

*sigh*

It's just a sad night.

And what totally blows my mind is that, as I was stripping the bed, he used the damn litter box to pee more.

Maybe he was drunk. We all know excessively drunk people pee everywhere. Hell, I've peed in places I'm too embarrassed to say. And I got sober...so maybe Elvis just needs an intervention & rehab and he'll be alllllllll better.

I can dream.

Look at this sweet, sweet boy - How can I kill him?

OK - he looks like the devil in the second picture, but he's not. Really. He's just old.

Damn aging.

“Have no fear of perfection - you’ll never reach it.” Salvador Dali

It took 2 days & 3 coats of paint, but finally the table is done!

Before

After

I also made two of these (the first one was too big)

It's just a square knot bracelet (of which I made several while I was in rehab & forgot how relaxing it was to do something so repetitious) but I found a tutorial on YouTube that uses an adjustable closure so I'm able to take it off when I want. 

Square Knot bracelet

I wanted to wear a red string (no, not because I'm suddenly a Kabbalist) because I'd read something sometime somewhere that said a red string represents our connectedness - and that it's the string of destiny and well, I need all the magic and superstition I can get right now (I wished on a shooting star last night!) to get what I need so I'll do anything.... 

Geez, it is definitely Spring and I am feeling the creative juices flowing!