Geezy lou, why do I pay any attention at all to what's on Facebook? A few days ago, I saw posted some "Buns, Guns & Abs" 30-day workout. It was basically squats, leg raises and push-ups starting low and raising by 5 reps each day. I figured, "Hell, I'm already doing waaaaay more than that so I'll just stick to my own routine but increase it by 5 reps each day." Easy-peasy, right?
I can't walk. I certainly can't lift my legs enough to step over the gate. I won't be going to the bathroom all day, I guess. I can't raise my arms. Murphy's actually typing this post for me.
I started yesterday, increasing everything by 5; so 15 twisting planks, 20 hip-ups, 20 push-ups, etc, etc, etc. Then today, I raised them all again by 5, so 20 twisting planks, 25 hip-ups, 25 push-ups, etc, etc, etc. This is the first time in a long time when I thought I was going to throw up. I thought, "At least the dogs will clean it up for me."
Ugh. This shit is hard.
But eventually the jelly-feeling in my arms & legs will pass and I'll be able to walk again and I won't feel so bad and then I'll torture myself all over again tomorrow. Fun, right?
Last night, I couldn't stop dreaming about walking the dogs. This, THIS? is what I have to dream about?!? I woke myself up several times thinking I'd dropped Scooter's leash and he was taking off to run with the feral cats. I even bopped Elvis on the nose at one point, jerking my arm wildly. He didn't come back to bed for awhile.
Scooter finally pooped this morning. He hadn't pooped in 42 hours. Why is it that the dog that doesn't eat AT ALL poops every time I take him out and the one that does eat doesn't poop? I did a little happy dance in a neighbors yard when Scooter started doing his own poop-dance - 1 2 3 back forward back forward 1 2 3 back forward back forward SQUAT!
My sweat has finally dried and I've finally cooled off, even though I still can't hardly stand. Murphy's getting tired of typing my thoughts for me. Time to make myself smell good so I can smell bad later after walking the dogs 5 more times today. I should just live in my tub.
Friday, May 30, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
"Yesterday was the unofficial start of summer...of as I like to call it, 'Cover those things up!' season." -Maxine
Ooooh boy, this place is going to the dogs!
Yep, that's right - I'm dog-sitting.
Elvis doesn't know what the hell is going on. "Why am I banished to this side of the house? Why do they get to sit with you & watch Fargo? Why is that damn beast barking? Why don't I get a walk? Why is my food dish in the bedroom? What is this gate-thing keeping me out of that side of the house? Well, hell, I can jump that! Oh shit. Something's barking at me. And running toward me. AARRGGHH!!!"
It's been quite the adventure already. What does Scooter bark at at 1:00, 2:00, 3:00, 4:30 in the morning? I finally got up and squirted him with water and turned his kennel to the side in case he was seeing wisps of Elvis moving around the house. Or maybe I really do have ghosts. He did stop barking, though, so I got 1.5 hours of sleep before my alarm went off and I walked them.
They were good on their walk. Both did their business at the same time in the same place. Niiiiice. It's sad when dogs pooping in sync makes me happy. We encountered no other dogs so there was no incessant barking and trying to escape to tell the other dog to "STAY AWAY!" Of course, it was only our first walk.
I even got my workout in without too much drama from the dogs. I had an audience:
Murphy's in his kennel, perfectly comfortable. Scooter is sitting next to it, on the hard floor. He won't move. Except to sneak licks to my hands, arms and legs while I'm working out. And then.....
Elvis made an appearance and while I had Scooter under control (he was licking my sweat), Murphy waddled over towards Elvis and started barking. *sigh* And that got Scooter barking and it went to hell in a handbasket in 2.5 seconds. All animals are now in their designated areas and I don't think Elvis will be leaving my closet for the next few days. Poor bastard.
Yep, that's right - I'm dog-sitting.
 |
| Murphy waiting for Dad to come back... |
It's been quite the adventure already. What does Scooter bark at at 1:00, 2:00, 3:00, 4:30 in the morning? I finally got up and squirted him with water and turned his kennel to the side in case he was seeing wisps of Elvis moving around the house. Or maybe I really do have ghosts. He did stop barking, though, so I got 1.5 hours of sleep before my alarm went off and I walked them.
They were good on their walk. Both did their business at the same time in the same place. Niiiiice. It's sad when dogs pooping in sync makes me happy. We encountered no other dogs so there was no incessant barking and trying to escape to tell the other dog to "STAY AWAY!" Of course, it was only our first walk.
I even got my workout in without too much drama from the dogs. I had an audience:
Murphy's in his kennel, perfectly comfortable. Scooter is sitting next to it, on the hard floor. He won't move. Except to sneak licks to my hands, arms and legs while I'm working out. And then.....
Elvis made an appearance and while I had Scooter under control (he was licking my sweat), Murphy waddled over towards Elvis and started barking. *sigh* And that got Scooter barking and it went to hell in a handbasket in 2.5 seconds. All animals are now in their designated areas and I don't think Elvis will be leaving my closet for the next few days. Poor bastard.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
"A cookout with the family can only mean one thing...I'm gonna have to deal with lots of wieners!" -Maxine
This is the 3rd spider bite I've had in the same exact place in as many weeks. Apparently, my right armpit is very, very tempting to spiders. Or I wonder if it's one spider coming back because it knows my armpit is a tasty treat? Gotta say - my armpit is not where I would go to feast.
Apparently I was wrong thinking "the man" unfriended me on Facebook. I'm still getting messages that I'm ignoring. Last night's was, "Miss chatting with you. Hope you're doing o.k." I feel guilty because I don't miss chatting with him and if he didn't FB message me, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't think about him at all. I had a very deep, philosophical thought about all this last night at 3:00a.m. when I was wide awake, trying to get back to sleep. I can't remember what it was. It had something to do with him receiving what I was giving and that I don't have any more to give. It was very deep.....at 3:00a.m.
Speaking of which, I'm not sleeping the greatest lately. You'd think, after a long, nap-less day, I'd sleep like the dead. I did not. I'm used to waking up 20 times a night, but usually I'm able to fall right back to sleep. Not lately. Last night I even got out of bed and smoked a cigarette and watched "House" for an hour. I was wide awake. Rise & Shine! It's 3:00 a.m.! I swear, my best sleep is from 5:00a.m. to 8:00a..m. (Or even 9, like this morning). I no longer feel bad sleeping in.
So, the long, nap-less day was because Mom, Dad & I drove 2 - 3 hours to go to my cousin's daughter's graduation party. We were all hoping to see Grandma. I mean, how much longer do we have with her? She tells us, every year, that "this is the last year!" One of these times, she's going to be right. She wasn't there. We drove another 30 miles to her place to visit. Even though she had all the windows open in the house, it was a sauna. It's no wonder Dad promptly fell asleep and Mom & I were both fighting yawns. I may have sweat off a pound of two. Maybe that's what I need to do. Crank the heat in my house and sweat it off! Mom says I look...I don't know how she put it...healthier? prettier? nicer?....something along those lines...since I've gained weight. I think she was really complimenting my tan. A tan makes everybody look better. And everybody knows: fat fills in wrinkles. I'd rather have wrinkles. Carrying 10 to 15 more pounds than I'd like just makes me look & feel like a fat pig. I can't wear so many of my clothes because of this extra weight and I'll be damned if I'm going to go buy new ones that fit. No! I'll lose this damn weight. I wonder if someone can become anorexic in their late 30's? *eye roll* I love food too much.
Apparently I was wrong thinking "the man" unfriended me on Facebook. I'm still getting messages that I'm ignoring. Last night's was, "Miss chatting with you. Hope you're doing o.k." I feel guilty because I don't miss chatting with him and if he didn't FB message me, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't think about him at all. I had a very deep, philosophical thought about all this last night at 3:00a.m. when I was wide awake, trying to get back to sleep. I can't remember what it was. It had something to do with him receiving what I was giving and that I don't have any more to give. It was very deep.....at 3:00a.m.
Speaking of which, I'm not sleeping the greatest lately. You'd think, after a long, nap-less day, I'd sleep like the dead. I did not. I'm used to waking up 20 times a night, but usually I'm able to fall right back to sleep. Not lately. Last night I even got out of bed and smoked a cigarette and watched "House" for an hour. I was wide awake. Rise & Shine! It's 3:00 a.m.! I swear, my best sleep is from 5:00a.m. to 8:00a..m. (Or even 9, like this morning). I no longer feel bad sleeping in.
So, the long, nap-less day was because Mom, Dad & I drove 2 - 3 hours to go to my cousin's daughter's graduation party. We were all hoping to see Grandma. I mean, how much longer do we have with her? She tells us, every year, that "this is the last year!" One of these times, she's going to be right. She wasn't there. We drove another 30 miles to her place to visit. Even though she had all the windows open in the house, it was a sauna. It's no wonder Dad promptly fell asleep and Mom & I were both fighting yawns. I may have sweat off a pound of two. Maybe that's what I need to do. Crank the heat in my house and sweat it off! Mom says I look...I don't know how she put it...healthier? prettier? nicer?....something along those lines...since I've gained weight. I think she was really complimenting my tan. A tan makes everybody look better. And everybody knows: fat fills in wrinkles. I'd rather have wrinkles. Carrying 10 to 15 more pounds than I'd like just makes me look & feel like a fat pig. I can't wear so many of my clothes because of this extra weight and I'll be damned if I'm going to go buy new ones that fit. No! I'll lose this damn weight. I wonder if someone can become anorexic in their late 30's? *eye roll* I love food too much.
Friday, May 23, 2014
"Every time I see a doctor, they say something needs to come out...usually it's my pocketbook!" -Maxine
Today I'm going to post my exercise routine. More for me than for you. In case I go brain dead and can't remember what I've done for the last 2 months. Entirely possible.
I start in the plank position:
I hold this for 10 seconds, then twist, bringing one arm straight up. I go back to the plank position then twist and bring the other arm straight up. I do 10 of these, each side. I end, holding the plank for another 10 seconds.
I then do hip ups using my resistance band:
Start in this position, then push your hip ups with the leg on the floor. Do 15 each leg.
Then I roll over onto my stomach (gladly) and do 15 push ups:
I roll over and do 20 rows with my resistance band:
Sadly, I stand (everything's easier when you're sitting, right?) and do 20 high knees, each leg:
I move right into 25 jumping jacks:
By this time, my breathing is starting to get labored. To take a bit of a break, I do 10 bicep curls:
10lb weights in each hand.
Then I do tricep extensions with the same weight:
10lbs, 10 each arm.
Then I do my favorite exercise, the side plank hip-ups. This is one of the only exercises that has made a noticeable difference:
I start in the side plank position (B), hold 1,2,3,4 then drop my hip to the floor (A) then bring it back to side plank, hold 2,2,3,4 and so on. 10 of these, each side.
And then I do the exercise I think all women around the world hate & love at the same time, equally: The burpee.
Stand straight, squat to the floor (A), with hands on floor, kick legs behind you (B). Jump to bring legs forward in squatting position (C) then jump straight up (D). Do 10 of these.
At this point, I feel like I might pass out. I do 15 rear flys with my resistance band to try to catch my breath:
I don't think these actually "do" anything for me, but I do them regardless.
I then do 10 lunges, each leg. If other women hate/love burpees, I hate/love lunges.
I do 1 leg, then the other, and so on until I just about fall onto the floor...or 10 each...which is pretty much the same thing.
At this point, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and even though I feel like I'll never be able to catch my breath or stop sweating, I move into the Heisman:
It's basically lateral jumps and high knees, combined. I do three lateral side steps with high knees and end bringing my opposite knee as high as I can. Go the other way. Do 10 of these. I do not do the Heisman pose. That'd just be weird.
Finally, I can lay back down on my mat to do plank jacks.
I crawl my way to a high plank (normal plank position) and hold that for 15 seconds. Then I jump my legs to a straddle position (like a jumping jack) and jump them back to plank position. I do 10 of these. I'm not so delicate when I do these because I'm at the end of my workout and I feel like I'm going to die, so my windows rattle quite a bit when I'm doing these. I always wonder if someone walking by notices and wonders what the hell I'm doing inside. Once I do 10 plank jacks, I keep my legs straddling my yoga mat and hold for another 15 seconds.
Whew! Almost done!
I roll over onto my back and do these:
Elbow-knee crunches. 25 each leg. The picture above shows it better than I could ever describe it. When I started, I could only do 10. I keep increasing the number as I get stronger(?). It really highlights my fat rolls.
When I'm done with these, I wipe the sweat off my brow and (somewhat) end with straight leg crunches:
Start with legs straight up in the air and then slowly bring them down as far as you can without hurting your lower back. Bring them back straight up and start over. Do 12 of these. These are supposed to strengthen your lower abs. Again, I'm pretty sure they just strengthen my fat.
I'm almost done!
Since I'm on the ground, I stretch. Once I'm done with the straight leg crunches, still laying flat, I bring my knees into my chest, wrap my arms around my knees and pull. This stretches your lower back and just feels good. Then I sit up, bring one leg under me and the other leg over that leg and stretch my hips. Like this:
Stretch each side. If I didn't do this, I'm pretty sure I'd never be able to sleep on my side ever again.
I roll my mats up and put them away and end with another 10 bicep curls, 10lb weights and another 10 tricep extensions, same weight.
I wipe more sweat off my brow and guzzle a glass of water.
After months of following this regimen, I look nothing like the people in the above pictures, so I'm not so sure it's actually working. However, I can't imagine how much fatter I would be if I didn't do this Every. Single. Morning. Honestly, I do this mostly because if I didn't, I'd literally do nothing all day. At least when I do this, I feel like I've accomplished something in a day. And, I don't feel as guilty when I eat a bowl of ice cream/peanut butter. That's what I work out for - the guiltless joy of.....eating.
I start in the plank position:
I then do hip ups using my resistance band:
Start in this position, then push your hip ups with the leg on the floor. Do 15 each leg.
Then I roll over onto my stomach (gladly) and do 15 push ups:
I roll over and do 20 rows with my resistance band:
Sadly, I stand (everything's easier when you're sitting, right?) and do 20 high knees, each leg:
I move right into 25 jumping jacks:
By this time, my breathing is starting to get labored. To take a bit of a break, I do 10 bicep curls:
Then I do tricep extensions with the same weight:
Then I do my favorite exercise, the side plank hip-ups. This is one of the only exercises that has made a noticeable difference:
And then I do the exercise I think all women around the world hate & love at the same time, equally: The burpee.
Stand straight, squat to the floor (A), with hands on floor, kick legs behind you (B). Jump to bring legs forward in squatting position (C) then jump straight up (D). Do 10 of these.
At this point, I feel like I might pass out. I do 15 rear flys with my resistance band to try to catch my breath:
I don't think these actually "do" anything for me, but I do them regardless.
I then do 10 lunges, each leg. If other women hate/love burpees, I hate/love lunges.
At this point, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and even though I feel like I'll never be able to catch my breath or stop sweating, I move into the Heisman:
It's basically lateral jumps and high knees, combined. I do three lateral side steps with high knees and end bringing my opposite knee as high as I can. Go the other way. Do 10 of these. I do not do the Heisman pose. That'd just be weird.
Finally, I can lay back down on my mat to do plank jacks.
Whew! Almost done!
I roll over onto my back and do these:
Elbow-knee crunches. 25 each leg. The picture above shows it better than I could ever describe it. When I started, I could only do 10. I keep increasing the number as I get stronger(?). It really highlights my fat rolls.
When I'm done with these, I wipe the sweat off my brow and (somewhat) end with straight leg crunches:
Start with legs straight up in the air and then slowly bring them down as far as you can without hurting your lower back. Bring them back straight up and start over. Do 12 of these. These are supposed to strengthen your lower abs. Again, I'm pretty sure they just strengthen my fat.
I'm almost done!
Since I'm on the ground, I stretch. Once I'm done with the straight leg crunches, still laying flat, I bring my knees into my chest, wrap my arms around my knees and pull. This stretches your lower back and just feels good. Then I sit up, bring one leg under me and the other leg over that leg and stretch my hips. Like this:
I roll my mats up and put them away and end with another 10 bicep curls, 10lb weights and another 10 tricep extensions, same weight.
I wipe more sweat off my brow and guzzle a glass of water.
After months of following this regimen, I look nothing like the people in the above pictures, so I'm not so sure it's actually working. However, I can't imagine how much fatter I would be if I didn't do this Every. Single. Morning. Honestly, I do this mostly because if I didn't, I'd literally do nothing all day. At least when I do this, I feel like I've accomplished something in a day. And, I don't feel as guilty when I eat a bowl of ice cream/peanut butter. That's what I work out for - the guiltless joy of.....eating.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
"I miss the days when if you saw a crook in a bank, he was on the same side of the counter as you." -Maxine
Well, shitballs, I didn't get the job.
This is why I don't like to tell anyone I have a job interview - having to tell the same people "I didn't get it" and feeling like an ass. Now I have to text Shan and tell her. I'll have to tell my therapist at my next therapy appointment, which shouldn't be a problem to attend because I'll more than likely still be unemployed. I don't have to worry about watching the dogs next week because...I'll still be unemployed!
What is wrong with me?!?
It's hard to not get discouraged. It's hard to not go down a dark road. It's hard to not think negative things about myself. It's hard to not think, "You fucking idiot. Why did you quit your job?!? Biggest. Mistake. Ev-Er." It's hard to not worry about my future.
Shit.
OK, enough of that. This just means I need to keep looking. I need to keep applying. Something I'm good at will be posted soon enough. This isn't the end of the world. I will not crumble and fall apart because of this. I will soldier on. I will not get discouraged. I will not go down a dark road. I will not think negative thoughts about myself. I'm a good person, dammit. I'm smart. I can do many different things. They would have been surprised at all I can do. The next company will hire me. There will be a "next company".
My search continues.....
This is why I don't like to tell anyone I have a job interview - having to tell the same people "I didn't get it" and feeling like an ass. Now I have to text Shan and tell her. I'll have to tell my therapist at my next therapy appointment, which shouldn't be a problem to attend because I'll more than likely still be unemployed. I don't have to worry about watching the dogs next week because...I'll still be unemployed!
What is wrong with me?!?
It's hard to not get discouraged. It's hard to not go down a dark road. It's hard to not think negative things about myself. It's hard to not think, "You fucking idiot. Why did you quit your job?!? Biggest. Mistake. Ev-Er." It's hard to not worry about my future.
Shit.
OK, enough of that. This just means I need to keep looking. I need to keep applying. Something I'm good at will be posted soon enough. This isn't the end of the world. I will not crumble and fall apart because of this. I will soldier on. I will not get discouraged. I will not go down a dark road. I will not think negative thoughts about myself. I'm a good person, dammit. I'm smart. I can do many different things. They would have been surprised at all I can do. The next company will hire me. There will be a "next company".
My search continues.....
Saturday, May 17, 2014
"If you ever hear me say, "Have a nice trip!" better look down to make sure my foot isn't sticking out!" -Maxine
I'm pissed! Actually, I'm in a pretty good mood but on the side, I'm pissed!
A Facebook friend of mine is competing in a women's bodybuilding event this morning. I mean, like this:
Yah, spray tanned and all.
I can't lose one pound - ONE! - and she looks like that. I eat salad for over a week, continue my workout every morning and haven't lost ONE. SINGLE. POUND.
WTF?
You'd think her journey & outcome would motivate me. It does the opposite. It simply pisses me off. Can someone come & suck the fat off my gut, please, so I can stop bitching about how fat I am? *sigh*
I spent the morning weeding (why is it called weeding? shouldn't it be called de-weeding?). I raked every area I could think of and then spent an hour scraping the weeds from between all the damn brick paths. Brick is beautiful. It really is. But it's also a huge pain in the ass. I'd like to take Round-Up to the entire yard and just paint the dirt green.
On one of my many coffee breaks, I took off my shoes to go inside & refill my coffee cup. When I put my shoes back on and walked out to the brick path to begin weeding, it felt like there was a rock in my shoe. No surprise. There's rock all around my house! It wasn't a rock. It was my toe ring. The toe ring I've worn and never taken off for 14 years. I almost cried sitting there on the brick path. I felt naked. I felt like a part of me disintegrated and disappeared.
And then I went inside and found another one and permanently attached it to my toe.
A Facebook friend of mine is competing in a women's bodybuilding event this morning. I mean, like this:
Yah, spray tanned and all.
I can't lose one pound - ONE! - and she looks like that. I eat salad for over a week, continue my workout every morning and haven't lost ONE. SINGLE. POUND.
WTF?
You'd think her journey & outcome would motivate me. It does the opposite. It simply pisses me off. Can someone come & suck the fat off my gut, please, so I can stop bitching about how fat I am? *sigh*
I spent the morning weeding (why is it called weeding? shouldn't it be called de-weeding?). I raked every area I could think of and then spent an hour scraping the weeds from between all the damn brick paths. Brick is beautiful. It really is. But it's also a huge pain in the ass. I'd like to take Round-Up to the entire yard and just paint the dirt green.
On one of my many coffee breaks, I took off my shoes to go inside & refill my coffee cup. When I put my shoes back on and walked out to the brick path to begin weeding, it felt like there was a rock in my shoe. No surprise. There's rock all around my house! It wasn't a rock. It was my toe ring. The toe ring I've worn and never taken off for 14 years. I almost cried sitting there on the brick path. I felt naked. I felt like a part of me disintegrated and disappeared.
And then I went inside and found another one and permanently attached it to my toe.
Friday, May 16, 2014
"The last guy who tried to get to second base with me was on an opposing softball team." -Maxine
This is how I know a man is full of shit:
His profile's been deleted so I can't see anything about him, but I suspect he doesn't have a good grasp of English grammar. Does he think he has to capitalize "you"? And come on. I'm by no means a "hot babe" and asking for my cell number first off? He's either a scammer or just plain desperate. Either way, he's discarded.
*sigh*
The only reason I stay on the on-line dating site is to give my ego/self-esteem a boost a couple of times a week. Even though I want nothing to do with any man, it's nice to know I'm still desirable.
I had my interview this morning. I'm always a bit surprised at how well I think I do during an interview. I'm prompt (always). I'm courteous. I'm ingratiating. I don't tremble uncontrollably. I don't sweat. Well, o.k. I might sweat a little, but at least my hands stay dry. I answer questions succinctly and if they don't ask the questions I want them to ask, I offer them information I think should help them make their decision - to choose me, of course. I'm not anxious at all. And I didn't even smoke in the car on the way there! If there's ever a time for a cigarette, it's right before an interview!
I think it went well. It was one of the easiest interviews I've ever had. Hardly any questions and certainly no difficult ones, like, "So why did you leave your last job?" That's always tricky to answer. I can't say, "Well, I had a complete mental breakdown and checked myself into the hospital". I dodged that bullet, though, with this morning's interview. They know my friend, Shan, and called her before the interview to find out if she knew me. She gave me the "highest praise" (according to the interviewer) by saying she wants to hire me to work with her once she moves up in a position. I texted Shan and told her, if I get this job, I'm going to buy her the biggest damn dinner she's ever eaten...WITH DESSERT.
I have to be prepared, though, to not get the job. There are a lot of applicants so I won't hear anything until late next week, at the earliest. I can't get my hopes up and think this is the one because odds are, it isn't. Sadly. Out of 10 interviews, who's to say I'm the one most qualified and fits the best with the staff? I say I am, but who's going to listen to me? I just keep plugging away and try not to get discouraged.
I'm eating a turkey burger tonight for dinner. I think I've earned it.
You are a smoking hot babe! Can I have Your cell number? I'd love to meet You. Wow!!
His profile's been deleted so I can't see anything about him, but I suspect he doesn't have a good grasp of English grammar. Does he think he has to capitalize "you"? And come on. I'm by no means a "hot babe" and asking for my cell number first off? He's either a scammer or just plain desperate. Either way, he's discarded.
*sigh*
The only reason I stay on the on-line dating site is to give my ego/self-esteem a boost a couple of times a week. Even though I want nothing to do with any man, it's nice to know I'm still desirable.
I had my interview this morning. I'm always a bit surprised at how well I think I do during an interview. I'm prompt (always). I'm courteous. I'm ingratiating. I don't tremble uncontrollably. I don't sweat. Well, o.k. I might sweat a little, but at least my hands stay dry. I answer questions succinctly and if they don't ask the questions I want them to ask, I offer them information I think should help them make their decision - to choose me, of course. I'm not anxious at all. And I didn't even smoke in the car on the way there! If there's ever a time for a cigarette, it's right before an interview!
I think it went well. It was one of the easiest interviews I've ever had. Hardly any questions and certainly no difficult ones, like, "So why did you leave your last job?" That's always tricky to answer. I can't say, "Well, I had a complete mental breakdown and checked myself into the hospital". I dodged that bullet, though, with this morning's interview. They know my friend, Shan, and called her before the interview to find out if she knew me. She gave me the "highest praise" (according to the interviewer) by saying she wants to hire me to work with her once she moves up in a position. I texted Shan and told her, if I get this job, I'm going to buy her the biggest damn dinner she's ever eaten...WITH DESSERT.
I have to be prepared, though, to not get the job. There are a lot of applicants so I won't hear anything until late next week, at the earliest. I can't get my hopes up and think this is the one because odds are, it isn't. Sadly. Out of 10 interviews, who's to say I'm the one most qualified and fits the best with the staff? I say I am, but who's going to listen to me? I just keep plugging away and try not to get discouraged.
I'm eating a turkey burger tonight for dinner. I think I've earned it.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
"The cost of healthcare is still going up. On the other hand, who wants to go to a doctor who's having a sale?" -Maxine
I may throw up.
I just read an email from a company I applied to weeks ago. They want to interview me. Me!?! ME!
I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Granted, I don't have the job....yet.....but just getting an interview is an accomplishment. Whew! Maybe it isn't all hopeless! Or it might be - I haven't tried on my interview clothes in months. I'm not even sure any of them will fit. Time for a fashion show!
I had a whole other topic to write about this morning and then I checked my email and now I can't stop thinking about that. I was going to write about:
What do you think about when you're trying to fall asleep?
Really. It takes me at least an hour to calm down the rambling in my tiny, little brain, after an hour of reading. And this is shit that goes on when I'm not stressed out. Can you imagine what it's like when I am stressed? Impossible. Elvis has to hit me over the head with a hammer to get me to go to sleep. And this is shit that goes through my head the first time I try to fall asleep. There aren't enough pages on the internet to share what goes through my head the other 20 times I wake up and have to fall asleep. It's no wonder I'm mentally ill.
I just read an email from a company I applied to weeks ago. They want to interview me. Me!?! ME!
I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Granted, I don't have the job....yet.....but just getting an interview is an accomplishment. Whew! Maybe it isn't all hopeless! Or it might be - I haven't tried on my interview clothes in months. I'm not even sure any of them will fit. Time for a fashion show!
I had a whole other topic to write about this morning and then I checked my email and now I can't stop thinking about that. I was going to write about:
What do you think about when you're trying to fall asleep?
Oh yah, I flipped my mattress this morning. I don't notice any difference. Is someone in my house? What was that noise? Oh, the refrigerator. Where's Elvis? What's he doing? Stop licking my damn hair! Just lay down! *sigh* Back in high school, a kid told me I have bug eyes. Should I have been wearing sunglasses all my life? Maybe I should start doing that. It must not be too bad because nobody's running away from me in horror. Wait. Seriously. Is someone in my house? That was a new noise. Oh, it was my neighbor's car door. Stop thinking! Think about numbers and that's it! 99, 98, 97, 96, remember that time Brother asked you to take him car shopping and suddenly you're the one selling your car? (blush of shame) Don't think about that. He said he forgives you. Let it go! What a stupid thing to think about anyway. 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 91, 90, 89 What am I going to wear to M'town next weekend? I need to find something that fits. I need to wear a loose top to hide my buddha belly. Will it be warm enough for capri's? I can't wear a tank top because G'ma will flip over my tattoo. Though it is a cross, so that's something. And why should that tattoo bother anybody when I have so many others that are on display and I can't hide? I just hate that tattoo. I wonder what it costs to remove a tattoo? I wonder if Kat Von D has something to cover them up. What the hell am I thinking about?!? 99, 98, 97, 96, 95 I wonder if "the man" unfriended me on Facebook after I ignored him for a week? I think - probably. Whew. Thank god that's over. I'll never get married. Good. Who would want bug eyes, anyway? Stop being negative! 99, 98, 97, 9 Elvis, I swear to god, if you don't stop licking my damn hair & pawing at my head, I'm going to go ballistic. Stop it! Lay down! You're so damn cute. I've got the best cat in the world. *sigh* I've gotta pee.
Really. It takes me at least an hour to calm down the rambling in my tiny, little brain, after an hour of reading. And this is shit that goes on when I'm not stressed out. Can you imagine what it's like when I am stressed? Impossible. Elvis has to hit me over the head with a hammer to get me to go to sleep. And this is shit that goes through my head the first time I try to fall asleep. There aren't enough pages on the internet to share what goes through my head the other 20 times I wake up and have to fall asleep. It's no wonder I'm mentally ill.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
"My status update? Is 'alive' good enough for ya?" -Maxine
I didn't feel so hot yesterday. I didn't crawl out of bed until 8:30. I did do my workout, surprisingly. But after that, I just wanted to sleep. I couldn't pinpoint the emotion I was feeling. Anxious? Sure. Always. Discouraged? Yep. Sad? Not really. Angry? Nope. Tired? Ding!Ding!Ding! But it can't only be tired, can it? Surely I was feeling something more.
I've noticed lately that when my mind wanders it wanders to the past. Mostly to things I'm ashamed of. I lay in bed, trying to get to sleep at night and my mind wanders to something I did 20 years ago that still causes embarrassment and furiously, makes me blush in shame. I have to tell myself to focus on today or tomorrow and forget about what happened in the past.
My therapist told me, most people are so self-absorbed, they don't remember or think about anything I did. I hang onto that little tidbit of advice like it might disappear if I let it go.
So, yesterday, I did exactly how I felt - I slept. I ate a late lunch (salad!) then went back to sleep. I even slept good last night, which hasn't happened the past several nights and maybe that's the reason I was feeling how I was feeling yesterday. Just tired.
And then my brain gets going and I start to think about where I'm at in life - I'm nowhere. I start to worry that I'll never get a job. Nobody will hire me. It's been too long. I've gotten stupid. (You can't fix stupid!) There aren't any jobs out there. I'm going to have to drive 60 miles to go to work and then what will I do in the winter? Why can't I just take a job, any job? Other people work in fields and places they despise. Why can't I? Because I'm afraid I'll end up right where I left off. Depressed. Anxious. Suicidal. I worry about retirement and then tell myself, "You won't live long enough." That's my answer for everything future-oriented: I won't be around.
Is that really a solution? No, no it's not.
What happened to my good feelings? Where did they go? Come back! Come back!
I've let my thinking get the better of me. I've begun to think: I should be working. I should take any job out there. Other people are thinking that. Why isn't she working? She's putting too much stress on her parents. All she does all day is sit on her ass.
Ugh. Is that really what people are saying? I assume so.
And then I remind myself, nobody's thinking about me. Nobody cares what I'm doing. Nobody's paying attention to me.
The problem is: I think that about myself. It was nice when I didn't think those things; when I simply didn't think; when I thought just getting myself healthy was enough. It's not enough! I should be able to support myself! I shouldn't have to rely on my parents to support me!
And, yet, I do. There's the problem. I think about the things I should be doing and every day that I'm not doing them, I've failed. I fail on a daily basis and that's discouraging and disheartening.
Do I want to work? Not really, LOL, but that's what life is, right? Work to Live. Nobody wants to work but everybody has to.
The more days that pass without a job - without even the prospect of a job - the more down on myself I get. I'm really good at beating myself up. I wish I wasn't so good at that.
*sigh*
I need to lose myself in a book.
I've noticed lately that when my mind wanders it wanders to the past. Mostly to things I'm ashamed of. I lay in bed, trying to get to sleep at night and my mind wanders to something I did 20 years ago that still causes embarrassment and furiously, makes me blush in shame. I have to tell myself to focus on today or tomorrow and forget about what happened in the past.
My therapist told me, most people are so self-absorbed, they don't remember or think about anything I did. I hang onto that little tidbit of advice like it might disappear if I let it go.
So, yesterday, I did exactly how I felt - I slept. I ate a late lunch (salad!) then went back to sleep. I even slept good last night, which hasn't happened the past several nights and maybe that's the reason I was feeling how I was feeling yesterday. Just tired.
And then my brain gets going and I start to think about where I'm at in life - I'm nowhere. I start to worry that I'll never get a job. Nobody will hire me. It's been too long. I've gotten stupid. (You can't fix stupid!) There aren't any jobs out there. I'm going to have to drive 60 miles to go to work and then what will I do in the winter? Why can't I just take a job, any job? Other people work in fields and places they despise. Why can't I? Because I'm afraid I'll end up right where I left off. Depressed. Anxious. Suicidal. I worry about retirement and then tell myself, "You won't live long enough." That's my answer for everything future-oriented: I won't be around.
Is that really a solution? No, no it's not.
What happened to my good feelings? Where did they go? Come back! Come back!
I've let my thinking get the better of me. I've begun to think: I should be working. I should take any job out there. Other people are thinking that. Why isn't she working? She's putting too much stress on her parents. All she does all day is sit on her ass.
Ugh. Is that really what people are saying? I assume so.
And then I remind myself, nobody's thinking about me. Nobody cares what I'm doing. Nobody's paying attention to me.
The problem is: I think that about myself. It was nice when I didn't think those things; when I simply didn't think; when I thought just getting myself healthy was enough. It's not enough! I should be able to support myself! I shouldn't have to rely on my parents to support me!
And, yet, I do. There's the problem. I think about the things I should be doing and every day that I'm not doing them, I've failed. I fail on a daily basis and that's discouraging and disheartening.
Do I want to work? Not really, LOL, but that's what life is, right? Work to Live. Nobody wants to work but everybody has to.
The more days that pass without a job - without even the prospect of a job - the more down on myself I get. I'm really good at beating myself up. I wish I wasn't so good at that.
*sigh*
I need to lose myself in a book.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
"Homemade gifts are perfect for those rare times when you can't find a darn thing to re-gift." -Maxine
Elvis and I have had a busy Saturday morning. I'm hosting Mother's Day tomorrow. Can you believe it? I'm actually going to start my oven! Granted, I'm only taking something out of the freezer and popping it into the oven so there's no actual "cooking" involved, but still. It's something. Because the family will be over tomorrow, I've been cleaning. Yesterday, I dusted everything and cleaned the bathroom. This morning, I shook out all the rugs (cat hair anyone?), dusted the floors, hand scrubbed the floors, then vacuumed the rugs. I Swiffered the kitchen & bathroom floors. Dad came over and mowed (thanks Dad!) and I trimmed. I cleaned a window. One window. LOL. I figured that was enough.
I need people to come over. It makes me clean my house.
Before our day began, Elvis & I had a visitor. I was enjoying my morning cigarette when I saw a cat-head-shadow outside my living room window. A feral cat visitor! We love visitors! I opened the front door and Elvis & his new friend chatted. Actually, Elvis chatted (I just want a friend!) and his new friend growled & hissed at him through the door. If this cat is feral, then so am I. It looks way too healthy & plump.
The video is entirely too long and nothing exciting happens so feel free to watch 15 seconds, then stop. I don't know how to edit videos, yet, and am too lazy right now to try to figure it out. Oh, and sorry for the shakiness. Gives you a good idea, though, of how badly I shake. Maybe I have Parkinson's?
Elvis obviously needs a friend. I, however, do not.
This afternoon, I'm going to watch a school play. Why? I have no freaking clue but Shan invited me and I figured "what the hell". I was just going to nap anyway. I have a feeling I'm going to regret going and be wishing the whole time I was home - taking a nap.
Oh, and I caved last night. Damn frozen yogurt/peanut butter! But I figured I'd eaten salad for 3 straight days and one bowl (large bowl) wasn't going to kill me. My willpower really isn't that strong. Once I start thinking about it, I'm like Pavlov's dog - I start to drool. Good thing I don't think about drinking as much as I think about ice cream & peanut butter!
I need people to come over. It makes me clean my house.
Before our day began, Elvis & I had a visitor. I was enjoying my morning cigarette when I saw a cat-head-shadow outside my living room window. A feral cat visitor! We love visitors! I opened the front door and Elvis & his new friend chatted. Actually, Elvis chatted (I just want a friend!) and his new friend growled & hissed at him through the door. If this cat is feral, then so am I. It looks way too healthy & plump.
The video is entirely too long and nothing exciting happens so feel free to watch 15 seconds, then stop. I don't know how to edit videos, yet, and am too lazy right now to try to figure it out. Oh, and sorry for the shakiness. Gives you a good idea, though, of how badly I shake. Maybe I have Parkinson's?
Elvis obviously needs a friend. I, however, do not.
This afternoon, I'm going to watch a school play. Why? I have no freaking clue but Shan invited me and I figured "what the hell". I was just going to nap anyway. I have a feeling I'm going to regret going and be wishing the whole time I was home - taking a nap.
Oh, and I caved last night. Damn frozen yogurt/peanut butter! But I figured I'd eaten salad for 3 straight days and one bowl (large bowl) wasn't going to kill me. My willpower really isn't that strong. Once I start thinking about it, I'm like Pavlov's dog - I start to drool. Good thing I don't think about drinking as much as I think about ice cream & peanut butter!
Thursday, May 8, 2014
"I'd stand for the 7th inning stretch, but I usually nod off somewhere around the third." -Maxine
I have an addictive personality.
Last week I caved and bought fat-free yogurt (to eat with my peanut butter) and ate it every night. I thought, since it was yogurt, it'd be o.k. I soon realized, however, that it doesn't make much difference when you add 3 tbsp of chunky peanut butter to it.
Ahhhhh, peanut butter....how I love thee!
This week, I finally got disgusted enough with myself (hasn't this happened before?) that I decided to try a salad diet. Only salad. I love salad - I really do - but it lacks something. Like fat. Sugar. Grease.
It's only been two days and I'm ready to cave again and pig out on a big bowl of peanut butter frozen yogurt. It's all I've been thinking about for 3 hours. It's taken all my willpower, of which we know I have very little, to not devour an entire carton of frozen yogurt with an entire jar of peanut butter.
Why do the things I want to put into my body have to be so bad for me?
*sigh*
Instead of eating the fat-filled-bowl-of-good, I ate a few grapes and Wheat Thins instead. Not. The. Same.
However, I think I'll make it through the night without failing because I have this posted to my freezer:
I'm tired of sucking in my fat gut. I'm tired of having to suck in my fat gut. I'm tired of my boobs being too big. I'm tired of back fat. I'm proud of my butt & my legs. It's time to be proud of all of me. I'm doing this for that. I'm doing this because I want to feel good about myself. I'm willing to deprive myself of frozen-chunky-goodness (& peanut butter M&M's) because I don't want to have to suck it in later.
"What you eat in private, you show in public".
Last week I caved and bought fat-free yogurt (to eat with my peanut butter) and ate it every night. I thought, since it was yogurt, it'd be o.k. I soon realized, however, that it doesn't make much difference when you add 3 tbsp of chunky peanut butter to it.
Ahhhhh, peanut butter....how I love thee!
This week, I finally got disgusted enough with myself (hasn't this happened before?) that I decided to try a salad diet. Only salad. I love salad - I really do - but it lacks something. Like fat. Sugar. Grease.
It's only been two days and I'm ready to cave again and pig out on a big bowl of peanut butter frozen yogurt. It's all I've been thinking about for 3 hours. It's taken all my willpower, of which we know I have very little, to not devour an entire carton of frozen yogurt with an entire jar of peanut butter.
Why do the things I want to put into my body have to be so bad for me?
*sigh*
Instead of eating the fat-filled-bowl-of-good, I ate a few grapes and Wheat Thins instead. Not. The. Same.
However, I think I'll make it through the night without failing because I have this posted to my freezer:
"What you eat in private, you show in public".
Sunday, May 4, 2014
"If you have time to take names, it means you're not kicking butt fast enough." -Maxine
Who wants to wake up to a lawn mower outside their bedroom window? Granted, it was 8:00 and I was pretty much already awake, but still. *sigh* Not a great way to wake up.
It's Sunday, so in my mind, it would be o.k. to forego the workout this morning, even though I haven't the last two weeks. I've worked out every single day for the last two weeks. Has it done any good? Nope. I'm still a fat ass with a buddha belly. So this morning I seriously debated foregoing the workout. I told myself, "One day isn't going to hurt anything". And then my neighbor started his piece-of-shit-junker-truck, *rumble, rumble*, revving his engine non-stop, irritating the hell out of me - Wait. Irritating me? My med-check lady asks me every session to rate my mood. She always asks how my irritability is. I told her Thursday it was "fine".
It's not fine. I'm ready to go ballistic on my neighbor, who I really like, except for the fact that I had to listen to his piece of shit truck for an hour last night.....and again, bright & early this morning. Instead of trying to figure out why it doesn't idle properly, how about putting a fucking muffler on the piece of shit?!?
*sigh*
See, it's not fine. So while I was brushing my teeth, I realized I had to work out this morning. Because even though I'm not losing any weight (can you imagine how much I'd weigh if I didn't work out?), exercise is good for other reasons - like staying sane. Plus, what else did I have to do except sit & simmer & get more pissed off at my neighbor & his truck?
I'd like to blow the damn thing up.
It was rumbling and revving my entire workout and during my bath and while I was getting ready. Then, finally, he left.
Bliss! I hate noise pollution.
And then a friend of mine called and she & her husband had me laughing - actually laughing - about how ridiculous we get with our neighbors. My friends are moving, eventually, because they got bad neighbors - dogs, kids, didn't rake a leaf all fall (sounds like mine) - and my friends have had enough. It's really too bad. They've got a beautiful home & property. Me, I'm just hoping the truck eventually dies for good and goes to the junk heap where it belongs or that my neighbors move really, really soon. And I tell myself, "It could be worse. They could have kids!"
So, I'm able to look at the bright side and do my best to ignore the *rumble, rumble, rev, rev* because I worked out this morning and because my friends helped me see how ridiculous it all is.
If only we could choose our neighbors.
It's Sunday, so in my mind, it would be o.k. to forego the workout this morning, even though I haven't the last two weeks. I've worked out every single day for the last two weeks. Has it done any good? Nope. I'm still a fat ass with a buddha belly. So this morning I seriously debated foregoing the workout. I told myself, "One day isn't going to hurt anything". And then my neighbor started his piece-of-shit-junker-truck, *rumble, rumble*, revving his engine non-stop, irritating the hell out of me - Wait. Irritating me? My med-check lady asks me every session to rate my mood. She always asks how my irritability is. I told her Thursday it was "fine".
It's not fine. I'm ready to go ballistic on my neighbor, who I really like, except for the fact that I had to listen to his piece of shit truck for an hour last night.....and again, bright & early this morning. Instead of trying to figure out why it doesn't idle properly, how about putting a fucking muffler on the piece of shit?!?
*sigh*
See, it's not fine. So while I was brushing my teeth, I realized I had to work out this morning. Because even though I'm not losing any weight (can you imagine how much I'd weigh if I didn't work out?), exercise is good for other reasons - like staying sane. Plus, what else did I have to do except sit & simmer & get more pissed off at my neighbor & his truck?
I'd like to blow the damn thing up.
It was rumbling and revving my entire workout and during my bath and while I was getting ready. Then, finally, he left.
Bliss! I hate noise pollution.
And then a friend of mine called and she & her husband had me laughing - actually laughing - about how ridiculous we get with our neighbors. My friends are moving, eventually, because they got bad neighbors - dogs, kids, didn't rake a leaf all fall (sounds like mine) - and my friends have had enough. It's really too bad. They've got a beautiful home & property. Me, I'm just hoping the truck eventually dies for good and goes to the junk heap where it belongs or that my neighbors move really, really soon. And I tell myself, "It could be worse. They could have kids!"
So, I'm able to look at the bright side and do my best to ignore the *rumble, rumble, rev, rev* because I worked out this morning and because my friends helped me see how ridiculous it all is.
If only we could choose our neighbors.
Friday, May 2, 2014
"Some people shop at several grocery stores to save money. I do it to make a meal out of free samples." -Maxine
Yesterday, after the gag-over-the-centipede incident, I went to see my med-check lady. I didn't really want to go. I knew it'd be a wasted trip. I'm doing o.k. on the Hydroxizine at this dose so there's no point in changing it. Yet.
Yet.
And that's what's niggling at the back of my brain every day. It isn't a constant thought. It isn't even a daily thought. But every once in a while the thought comes to the forefront of my brain that "it could happen today". Will I be able to exercise? Will I be able to read? Will I be able to sleep? Will I be able to eat? (It might not be a bad thing to NOT want to eat for awhile!) Will I be able to face my demons today or will I stare blankly at the wall? Can I still drive? Do I want to sit in the sun? Am I going to have a panic attack - and not just over a bug? Will my anxiety get the better of me?
It's scary. Scary to wonder if today will be the day my brain breaks....again.
Let's face it. The odds of another depressive episode coupled with high anxiety are pretty high. It isn't like I haven't been o.k. before and then slipped back into the dark hole of nothingness. It's happened too many times to count. It's sure to happen again....the question is, When?
I really don't dwell on these questions too often. It's easier just not to think about it. "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." But I do tend to tell myself, "You'd better do it today because you don't know how you'll feel tomorrow". "Tomorrow" could change everything. "Tomorrow" I may convince myself to forego the workout "just one day", which would inevitably become every day. "Tomorrow" I may not welcome the sunshine and want to soak it into my skin. "Tomorrow" I may not get out of bed.
Scary shit, huh? That's why I don't dwell on it too much. Life is too fleeting. I know there's a high probability that I'll slide back into oblivion and that's why I have to do things Today.
Like read.
Or hang insulation! Yes, Dad and I are going to work on the garage today and I'm looking forward to it. Me! I'm looking forward to manual labor! WTF? Maybe I am sick in the head.
I haven't been sleeping too great the past couple of nights. Must be my subconscious worry about insects. Or it could be because Elvis has had a rough couple of days, randomly puking. I'm grateful he gives me an "Ack, ack, ack" warning well before the first projectile so that I can throw him off my bed or couch. Poor guy. But here again, not sleeping well is typically a sign of bad things to come. I hope it's just a fluke....and that Elvis' stomach calms down. If he'd stop licking everything in sight, that might help!
Nothing bad can happen today. The sun is finally shining after several days of cold, clouds, wind and rain. Today I welcome the sun. And while every day I have the thought, "I'm too tired to workout", I was still able to convince myself to Just Do It today. And I am reading - Tess Gerritsen's "Ice Cold" - which I can't put down. I see another run to the library in my very near future. And I will sleep. I will.
Yet.
And that's what's niggling at the back of my brain every day. It isn't a constant thought. It isn't even a daily thought. But every once in a while the thought comes to the forefront of my brain that "it could happen today". Will I be able to exercise? Will I be able to read? Will I be able to sleep? Will I be able to eat? (It might not be a bad thing to NOT want to eat for awhile!) Will I be able to face my demons today or will I stare blankly at the wall? Can I still drive? Do I want to sit in the sun? Am I going to have a panic attack - and not just over a bug? Will my anxiety get the better of me?
It's scary. Scary to wonder if today will be the day my brain breaks....again.
Let's face it. The odds of another depressive episode coupled with high anxiety are pretty high. It isn't like I haven't been o.k. before and then slipped back into the dark hole of nothingness. It's happened too many times to count. It's sure to happen again....the question is, When?
I really don't dwell on these questions too often. It's easier just not to think about it. "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." But I do tend to tell myself, "You'd better do it today because you don't know how you'll feel tomorrow". "Tomorrow" could change everything. "Tomorrow" I may convince myself to forego the workout "just one day", which would inevitably become every day. "Tomorrow" I may not welcome the sunshine and want to soak it into my skin. "Tomorrow" I may not get out of bed.
Scary shit, huh? That's why I don't dwell on it too much. Life is too fleeting. I know there's a high probability that I'll slide back into oblivion and that's why I have to do things Today.
Like read.
Or hang insulation! Yes, Dad and I are going to work on the garage today and I'm looking forward to it. Me! I'm looking forward to manual labor! WTF? Maybe I am sick in the head.
I haven't been sleeping too great the past couple of nights. Must be my subconscious worry about insects. Or it could be because Elvis has had a rough couple of days, randomly puking. I'm grateful he gives me an "Ack, ack, ack" warning well before the first projectile so that I can throw him off my bed or couch. Poor guy. But here again, not sleeping well is typically a sign of bad things to come. I hope it's just a fluke....and that Elvis' stomach calms down. If he'd stop licking everything in sight, that might help!
Nothing bad can happen today. The sun is finally shining after several days of cold, clouds, wind and rain. Today I welcome the sun. And while every day I have the thought, "I'm too tired to workout", I was still able to convince myself to Just Do It today. And I am reading - Tess Gerritsen's "Ice Cold" - which I can't put down. I see another run to the library in my very near future. And I will sleep. I will.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
"I'd clip coupons, but it's too much trouble to sit in the neighbor's driveway with a pair of scissors and wait for the paperboy." -Maxine
I've been gagging all morning. I found this beauty in my bathroom:
I can't even look at the picture without gagging. Blech! Gross! There was no heebie-jeebie dance when it came to killing this thing. There was only pure disgust and gagging. Lots of gagging.
I smashed him with my shoe (always good to have a shoe handy at all times). Didn't really smash him but stunned him enough to grab two Kleenexes (because there was NO WAY I was going to risk feeling that thing through only ONE tissue) and then stood there, indecisive. I really didn't want to pick the damn thing up. Where was Elvis when I needed him? I need a new cat. One that seeks out, kills and destroys insects.
I flushed it down the toilet. I won't be going to the bathroom all day.
I can't even look at the picture without gagging. Blech! Gross! There was no heebie-jeebie dance when it came to killing this thing. There was only pure disgust and gagging. Lots of gagging.
I smashed him with my shoe (always good to have a shoe handy at all times). Didn't really smash him but stunned him enough to grab two Kleenexes (because there was NO WAY I was going to risk feeling that thing through only ONE tissue) and then stood there, indecisive. I really didn't want to pick the damn thing up. Where was Elvis when I needed him? I need a new cat. One that seeks out, kills and destroys insects.
I flushed it down the toilet. I won't be going to the bathroom all day.
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