"Be prepared for winter driving hazards. Namely me!" -Maxine

Yep.

I hate days like this. I get so indecisive and I don't do well when I'm indecisive. I'm fine as long as I know exactly what I'm going to do. If it's up in the air, forget it. I don't want to play anymore.

I had it all worked out yesterday- I was going to hitch a ride to work with my friend, Shan, who drives her kids to the same town for school every day.  However, and I had planned for this, they're delayed 2 hours. My plan requires my parents to answer their damn phone. Which they haven't. All morning. Do you know what that says to me? "Fend for yourself, girly!"....or they're in a ditch themselves somewhere (I'm sure not.)

I guess fending for myself is the right answer. I mean, they're not going to be around most of the winter so I better figure out what I'm going to do with no backup to my backup.

I stayed home.

That's my answer. And I don't like it. At.All. I'm not getting paid. All those gossipy women are probably ripping on me right now because (presumably) they all made it into the office. However, they're not me and I'm not them. They don't know that I struggled to drive for almost 2 years. They don't know that my anxiety level is at its max and my whole body trembles when I try to drive in this shit.

Waaa-waaaa- call a waaaaaambulance!

I go back and forth. Part of me says to suck it up and try. Just try! And I did. I drove a two-square-block-radius and came right back home, lol. I'm not much for "trying". I do. Or I don't. And right now, I don't.

The other part of me says, It's not worth it. It's not worth wrecking your car. It's not worth getting injured. $10.50/hour isn't worth it.

But it is! It is! It took so long to find this job and while they're more than likely never going to fire me, I hate being "that" person.

I really hate me right now. I am not in a good mood and Garfield keeps trying to cuddle and I keep telling her, "today is not your day" but she doesn't understand English so she keeps trying and that continues to annoy me and GGGAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH! I should just go back to bed.

Linus Van Pelt: "Charlie Brown, you're the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest."

Another successful year!

And to all our delight, the gooseman (the man that brings geese dressed up in winter attire....we're real original with names around here) brought his pet SKUNK.  You heard right, folks. S-k-u-n-k.

It's in his overalls. And yes, that's Mickey hanging from the dude's belt. Seriously.

You can kind of see its tail on the gooseman's left side..sticking out from inside his overalls.

I can't make this shit up.  I said to Santa & Mrs. Claus, "If I get sprayed, this will be the last time I volunteer!"  It was de-sprayed, or whatever they call it.  That guy is short a few marbles.

I took lots more pictures of screaming kids this year, but I just told the parents, "It's a classic!"  Like I'm going to sit there cajoling your screaming child into smiling? Nope. You get what you get and you don't throw a fit (like your kid did 2 seconds ago...)  It was a delightfully fun day, but I'm glad it's over and I can eat lunch and take a nap and not have to talk to anybody (or smile - man, my face hurts...) for the rest of the day!

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree!

I couldn't take a picture from the sidewalk because my steps & sidewalk are a sheet of ice, but I'm sure it looks cute! Thanks Dad!

Yesterday's impromptu Thanksgiving was good, though....can I call it good when I lost at Spoons to my brother & his g'friend? I think not. So it was horrible! It was a horrible day! JK....

We had plenty of food- I slow-cooked a pork butt roast (is it really pork BUTT?), Mom made her O.M.G.-so-delicious-sweet-potatoes and a pumpkin pie and Chex-mix to snack on while we played cards. Brother & his g'friend brought a made-with-love Edwards pie (so.damn.good.).  And a long winter's nap to follow. I listened to ice pinging my windowpanes all night and fretted over the flickering lights and while we did lose cable service of local news channels (boy, that change-over to digital was a brilliant move...BRILLIANT!), I did not lose total power. 

And Garfield's a traitor:

Garfield & Mom

All you need to win Garfield's love is an electric blanket.  I guess it's a bit cold in my house.  I like it that way! She just needs to acclimate.

I'm not going anywhere today - the morning has been spent decorating the pallet-tree and doing laundry nonstop but from here on out, I'm under the electric blanket, cuddling with Garfield, and waiting for Iowa to beat Nebraska this afternoon.  What a perfect day!

Did I say I love winter? *sigh*

I do. I still do. Even though winter has killed my Thanksgiving, I still love it. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. There won't be any funny posts about the hilarious goings-on at my regular family Thanksgiving because of stupid winter storm Cara. What a bitch.

Today was another incredibly busy day.  I didn't even get a chance to eat lunch.  I barely took a break (except I do the mail run in the morning and afternoon, so I'm ensured at least 2 cigarettes a day so I didn't break anybody's neck today due to lack of nicotine...) And even as busy as the day was, it was pleasant! There were only 3 of us there today and nobody was bitchy, whiny, yelling, cranky, grumbly, pick your shitty-attitude-adjective. It was so nice!  I would much rather be as busy as I was today rather than sitting there twiddling my thumbs, but I am damn happy I get the next 4 days off.

Since T'giving was ruined and I didn't eat lunch today, I stopped at Taco Bell and loaded up on my favorite meal (A # 6 please with a side of pintos & cheese, please!).  I figure if I can't pig out on mashed potatoes, stuffing, turkey, ham, and all the other glorious carb-loaded-foods that come with T'giving, I'm going to do it tonight, dammit!  Bliss.  My parents and brother/girlfriend might come over tomorrow to eat around 11 (I have a 4lb pork roast in my freezer...speaking of which, thaw-time!), but it won't be the same as being in M'town, listening to all their funny stories, playing Spoons or whatever other game we have on hand, laughing so much that my face hurts by the time we leave....I'll miss it, but it's ok.  I'd rather be in my nice warm home than in a ditch freezing my ass off.

A friend of mine is getting a divorce.  He & I were friends in high school and for awhile after but he got hitched and out of respect (or some such bullshit) for his wife, I stepped away from our friendship.  Single woman. Good friends with a man. Jealous wife. Even though I had no intention of ever starting anything with my friend, I understood where she was coming from.  I get it. Single women are threatening when you're insecure in yourself and your marriage.  Understandable.  But now he's getting a divorce so I texted him last night and said, "Sorry to hear about your marriage. I'm sure it sucks.  But do you remember a pact we had wherein if I wasn't married @ 40, we'd get hitched? Guess who's single & 40? ME!"  And then I blathered on about how I was kidding, who'd want to get married, Blech!  We chatted for a bit via text and then I told him to leave me the fuck alone so I could get my beauty sleep, lol.  It'll be nice to have my friend back in my life. Whoo boy, we had so much fun together.  It'll be weird to have a friendship with him sober, but that's what it's going to be. He'll just have to get used to this new Me.

And on another happy note....

They say Jesus was a carpenter. I'm not sure he even existed, but I know my Dad does and he is!

Dad's been a busy little beaver!  He got a bunch of pallets from a guy in town and has been building trees!  I just forwarded pictures of the 3 he did for his house from my phone to my email so hopefully that works and I can post them because they're beautiful! Perfect! So cute!  And look at this one! Just for little 'ol me!  It doesn't even need paint, but you know me and paint...I just can't help myself.  And now since I'll have most of tomorrow free, listening to the ice pinging my windows and probably losing power, I can spend that free time painting!

*sigh* I'm going to miss Thanksgiving.

No pictures have arrived to my email yet....check back for an update.

"The more women in the workplace, the less drama you'll have.....said no one ever."

I think I need to slip some Xanax into the coffee and the Culligan water cooler tomorrow.

O.M.G. Can you believe how nuts these women are?

I'm amazed on a daily basis that I'm really, no kidding, no bullshitting, no fooling, not the crazy one in the office.  It's a good thing there's a cubicle wall that I face when I'm on my computer because I'm positive some of the faces I make when I think no one is looking are pretty dramatic and offensive, but I have no other outlet. I have to smile. I have to stay in a good, positive, helpful mood. I have to be patient. I have to be kind and nice. I can't (& refuse to) go around bitching about these damn moody women.

Take a chill pill! It's called XANAX! Trust me, your doctor will gladly prescribe some to you!

At least today I got a bit of vindication when the crazy one was hollering into her phone at a man and he said to her, "Why are you so mean?" or something along those lines.  She got off the phone and asked, "Was I mean?"  I listened to my more rational side (the one that wants to stay alive) and did not tell her that she does sound angry & crazy....a lot.  She's a loose cannon waiting to blow up.

But she's not the only moody one in the office. Ooooh boy. I just shake my head all day long and think to myself, "these bitches be crazy!"  Who wants to walk around like that all their life? Not me. No. Thank. You. I like being this even-keeled person. Makes me feel high & mighty around the loony tunes.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow when 2 women will be gone from the office so things should be much calmer...and then I get 4 days away from crazy-town. Ahhh, bliss.

"You know you're overworked when you count going to the bathroom as taking a break."

Seriously. I didn't even have time to think today let alone pee, eat or drink the tea I made this morning.

The receptionist took the week off and I'm the "fill-in" so that means I'm doing all of her job and all of my job and everyone expects everything right this minute. Well, guess what? I'm only one person and while I am freaking amazing, I'm not Superwoman.

Or maybe I am Superwoman because I look exactly like this...

I was so busy, I don't even know what I did today.  The only down-time I had was in the car ride with another co-worker to go to little O to do a Will signing with a home-bound individual.  I was there as a witness. They could have pulled a stray dog in off the street to do what I did (paw print on a Will? I'm sure there are weirder things...).  However, I did enjoy the ride there and back (surprisingly).  The woman I went with showed some interest in my life (probably to use against me later) and even complimented me (though she has no idea how my work rates) on my friendliness!  Can you believe that?!? She said I'm so nice to the clients. LMAO! *head shake* I can't believe it myself.  Apparently I'm nice...for now. They just haven't seen my bitchy side yet.  I'm still in the honeymoon phase. Wait until the 1 year anniversary...then I let the Bitch out.

I usually have time in my day to get an assignment, complete it and make my notes about it.  I've (almost) stopped printing and filing every email I receive telling me what task to complete. I always note on the printed email what I did, when, to who the file went to, etc, etc, etc, because inevitably someone will ask me "Did you do this or that for this person...." and I won't know the answer because my brain cannot hold onto that information.  Once I'm done with something, my brain shuts that door and moves onto the next thing. What I did is forgotten. Immediately.

So on Friday, I created an Excel spreadsheet so I can note all of that information because if I keep holding onto printed emails, I'm not going to have enough folder or desk space to keep all that paper.  A computer document is so much better.  However, on days like today, I had no time to enter any of that information.  I can't even remember what I did today, though I do know I have a long list of shit I didn't get done today to do tomorrow.  My plan is to go in early tomorrow morning and situate myself. Otherwise tomorrow is going to be just like today, though I think today was exceptionally busy. Even the others made comments about how crazy it was.  It's a Monday before a holiday. I imagine they're all like that.

My day ended on a happy note, though.  I went to my new hairdresser and she shaped my hair so it doesn't look like I've got a big gash of shaved head on my right side. And when I got home, I dyed it so I'm no longer two-tone-Amy. I'm pleased with the result and I know next month's haircut will look even better because more of my shaved head will have grown out. Praise the FSM & Hallelujah! I told her as long as she never cuts my hair into a mohawk, I'll keep coming back.

I am soooooooooooooooo looking forward to a 4-day weekend!

These shoes were NOT made for walking!

Apparently my mom and I have something in common. We keep & wear our shoes until they literally fall apart.  Mom, on two separate occasions wearing two different pairs of shoes, had them fall apart while she was out & about. The heels of her shoes came apart from the sole. Hilarious to those of us with her....not so much for her.

Mine wasn't as traumatic. But at around 3:00PM, I looked down at my feet for some reason and noticed the "leather" (or whatever they're made out of) was peeling off the shoe. All over.

LOL, they even still have the sticker inside from 20 years ago! 

They weren't like that when I put them on this morning, so that signifies to me that I walk a lot during the day. A Lot. I even said today, "I should wear a pedometer to see how many steps I take or how far I walk in one day." I'd be interested in knowing. My feet can sure feel it.

These are, needless to say, going in the garbage. They were well worth the 12.99 or whatever I paid for them so many years ago. Got my money's worth!!

At least I had this to come home to!

Mmmm-mmmm-mmmmm - country-style ribs in low-carb bbq sauce. Can't wait to try them! I'm drooling as I sit here typing to you....

"A woman with a well-stocked toy drawer isn't dependent on anyone and is unlikely to hurl herself at a lowlife just for nooky." ARIANNE COHEN, Marie Claire Magazine, March 2008

Apparently my toy drawer is not well-stocked, though it has been for the last 9 years. Today's an anomaly.

BEWARE Parents! Aunts! Anybody who doesn't want to know that......

My libido is back! With a vengeance!

Holy cow. I forgot what this feels like. Even with "the man" it wasn't like this. And here I am: A 40 year old woman who's had sex with one man in 9 years and in all that time has not been accumulating random men's phone numbers for nights just like tonight. WTF was I thinking? How could I have been so lazy? I'm very disappointed in myself.

I've, right now, got my pimpalicious Shannon wracking her brain for a suitable stud. I told her I just ate a whole load of Taco Bell (my treat for the week) so maybe my libido will go into a food coma, fall asleep and wake up tomorrow a tad bit slackened. Here's hoping because, while I considered it, I cannot post on Facebook:

I need a booty call. Who's up for servicing me right this very minute? Here are the rules: You have to come to my house. I don't want to talk. I don't want to know how your day was. I don't give a shit. Just get in here, get naked and then get the fuck out. No cuddling. Exit immediately. 

Think that wouldn't raise a few eyebrows?

I've gone through all my cell phone contacts (all are married or far away) and all my FB friends (again, all married or far away) and even Shan's FB friends (one suitable man, who lives in my town but who I wouldn't know from Adam...that wouldn't be weird or anything, would it?)  I've considered, and discarded, going to the local bar to see who's available, but I'm pretty sure all that's there are 80-year-old alcoholics or 30-year-old alcoholics who I don't even want breathing on me, let alone, well, you know.

*sigh*

I've got to fix this, and by "this" I mean start pocketing men's phone numbers for future use the next time this happens. Because it undoubtedly will now that I'm off birth control. Every month I'm probably going to became a raving sex lunatic for 24 hours.  I should get a sign to post in my yard. Would men flock to:

I sure hope this passes...

"It's [almost] Friday. I deserve an award for making it through the week without stabbing someone in the eye with a fork."

So many hilarious quotes about work...glad I'm part of the grind so I can use them!

This week has actually been quite good. Lots of work and yes, while women can be bitchy, that doesn't mean I have to be.

Today, the receptionist came in like this:

She's really quite funny. She says to me, "Hey, you remember when I told you we all have our bad days? Well, this is mine."  I laughed and said "Thanks for the heads up!" but didn't let it bother me. (And, seriously, I didn't need to be told she had her cranky pants on....I could tell immediately. Who couldn't?) And today was rough. Three of them worked on tax returns (or something, I wasn't really paying attention because I had my own shit) for 121 heirs to an estate. That's right - 121, to which I said, "I'm having zero heirs."  And so while they were scrambling around all morning, I finished up stuff from yesterday....and then I got a dictation. To do a letter. To be mailed to each 121 people. Individually.  That's 121 letters with 121 different mailing labels. I worked on that from Noon until 2:30, I think it was? And all the while, everybody else was still doing their madness and being cranky, which I simply ignored. 

I absolutely love, love, love being busy. I don't even care what it is I'm doing. So what? I had to do 121 letters + labels? I loved it. 

Remind me I said that a in a few months...

I had my 6-month appointment with my med-check lady today (all is well) and we laughed and laughed about how weird this office is. Have I mentioned it's weird? It's the weirdest office I've ever worked in, and I've worked in a few offices.  Most of the time, I'm friends with people - we socialize, we're interested in each other's lives, we chat, we vent, we talk.  These people don't talk. About anything. Yeah, there might be a story here & there about one of their kids, but other than that: I know nothing about them and they know nothing about me and they all seem perfectly content with that. It's an adjustment for me, let me tell ya. I think it's a good thing, but it's still an adjustment.  It's all about work, work, work and, of course, the obligatory whispers behind each other's backs - "sss-sss-ssss" - like snake's in the grass, which I don't participate in. It is so. weird.  I'm just sayin'....

I can't tell you how happy I am tomorrow is Friday. I've been rewarding myself each Friday (except last) by getting Taco Bell take-out after work and eating like a pig when I get home. It's my reward for 1. making it through the week without screaming my head off and 2. making it through the week eating healthy. Friday is my cheat day (so is Sunday when I devour an entire tub of cinnamon rolls, but let's keep that to ourselves...) and tomorrow I'm going to thoroughly enjoy my large Taco Bell meal when I get off work at 4:30. 

"Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes that reason is that you're stupid and you make bad decisions."

I work for three attorneys. I screw up one specific attorney's stuff more than anybody else's. Seriously. I'm not sure I've screwed up anything the other two have given me....but this guy. Man, every day it's something new I've bombed.

"Did you scan the mail before you sent it?" Oh shit, No.
"Why is there only one letter printed when it's being sent to two people?" Because I'm a dumbass.
"Attach the label to the file...as it's supposed to be." Yes, yes, I know. I'm a complete idiot.

And this is the attorney (the only one) who has complimented me on something I did. Probably only because he was so surprised and shocked I could do something right the first time. *eye roll* Even sitting here now, I can think of one thing I didn't do today that I should have (insert the file name to the bottom of the Warranty Deed).

I want to tell this guy, "I'm really not stupid. I know it doesn't seem that way, but I'm really quite smart."

*sigh*

That place makes me feel like the biggest moron on the face of this Earth every. single. day.

It's very humbling. I am humbled. I'm sure I'll continue to be humbled....

On a happier note...

Beef stew

I love my slow cooker! Though I have got to stop making things that require onions. They smell good for a hot second and then they just annoy me. The smell lingers too, too long. Right now, I have a cookie sheet with ground coffee spread on it in my refrigerator to help decrease the onion smell in there; and the leftover part of the onion I had, I wrapped in tinfoil and put it in a tightly-lidded glass jar in the crisper. That has helped. I wonder if I could spread coffee grounds all throughout my house?

MMMMM-MMMMMM-MMmmmmmmmmm

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do you have a hard time letting things go? Even after they're "resolved"? I sometimes do. Or....I do....Or I did. I don't know anymore.

I used to dwell, dwell, dwell. I was a great dweller. I could dwell on something for days.... weeks.... months.... years! I think that's why I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain any weight; because I'd dwell all the fat away. *head shake*

I'm doing better at that (and that's probably why I so easily gain weight these days).  When I find myself getting anxious about some silly little thing, my whole body experiences a shift from contentment to....fear, mostly. It's like the other night when I came very close to hitting a deer on the highway in the pitch dark - my whole body tingled from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I didn't quite see my life flash in front of my eyes, but I felt it. I stop myself when I feel that way. I think, "There's nothing you can do about it right this very second. Stop thinking about it. Think about something else..." and that something else is usually my immediate next steps (do the next right thing). I focus on what I can control. I (try to) let those things go that I can't.

Needless to say...it's difficult.

I woke up at 2 o'clock this morning, in a panic over a packet of stuff I mailed out on Friday for one of the attorneys to 6 family members. Did I attach the correct documents with the letter? I didn't even read the letter! I didn't even read the documents! I just assumed the documents he had attached with the letter to the outside of the folder were the documents he wanted mailed. Never assume! Half the time, they're so busy, they don't know what they've put where!

Now, can I do anything about that at 2 AM? No, no I cannot. I suppose I could have driven to Atl, gone into the office and read the letter & documents in the file.....and probably been stopped by the police because who goes into their office at 2 AM? But even if I had...what could I have done about it then? Nothing. It can wait until Monday, like a normal person would wait...and more than likely, it's all fine.

*sigh*

I'm really enjoying my time, now. I like being part of the work force. It makes me feel proud, even if what I'm doing isn't anything spectacular....I enjoy it. And now that I've lost a bit of weight, I enjoy getting ready in the morning (if only I could avoid the hair...) and choosing which work outfit to wear and making myself presentable.....though I often wonder how much I'm going to enjoy anything when the snow & ice start flying. I just try not to think about it. What will be will be. I'm really glad I'm cooking more (and I'm grateful Atkins makes frozen meals for lunchtime).  I'm glad I've got a slow cooker and I can make a recipe Monday to last me most of the week, if not all. I'm grateful the weekends have mostly been nice so I can mulch and rake leaves (done that twice now and Dad's done it once...so 3 truckloads so far this year and more to go.... *sigh*).  I'm mostly glad I can pay some of my own bills now. That feels good...probably the best.

I'm not as tired as I was that first week. It helps that I have meals prepared when I get home instead of having to stand at the stove for another hour after I get home. I can relax. I can laugh. I can cuddle with Garfield, who seems to think she's going to starve whenever I leave the house. She always has food in her bowl and trust me, that cat couldn't starve even if there wasn't food in her bowl. It'd take months for her body to eat away all the fat she's carrying around. I've found my rhythm and my routine and as long as it doesn't vary too much, I'm good.

I'm even adjusting to being square the majority of the time. The only consecutive time off I've had since April 30 is 5 days. FIVE FREAKING DAYS. Most women have 7 days on, 21 days off. I'm 23 days on, 5 days off. That is so wrong.  I should have bought stock in Always....How many more months of this do I have? It's been 6 months....so SIX MORE MONTHS? It's a miracle I haven't bitten anybody's head off yet. It could still happen..... This past week I thought, "why don't women pass out from blood-loss?" I pass out at the drop of a hat so why doesn't this make me? Only when I've experience severe pain have I blacked out during a square-moment, but still...it surprises me I'm not dropping every day. Thank goodness for that, right? It won't last forever. And I guess, if it does, it's not the end of the world.

None of this is "end of the world" material. Larry dying...that's the end of his world. I keep Larry in the forefront of my mind these days. He's a good guide. I miss him.

This week will be better than the last...no late nights/long days and hey! Only 2.5 weeks to Thanksgiving!

"She's crazy. And just when you think you've reached the bottom of her craziness, there's a crazy underground garage."

Now I know who the crazy one is!  And, AGAIN, it isn't me! Bwahahahahahahahahaha! Well, that seemed a little bit crazy...but seriously. I love not being the psychotic, unreasonable, bitch of the office. I've played that role before. I don't want to play it again.

*sigh*

I forgot how much *fun* it is working in an office with a bunch of women who have the self-awareness IQ of a 12-year-old girl.

Jeeeeeeeeesus.

It's been a good week, can ya' tell? Really, it's been an ok week. I've at least been busy, busy, busy, which really makes the days fly by. Yesterday was a rough-ass day. I'm still sporting this damn mohawk. My low-tire light came on (got that fixed over the lunch hour because....)....I drove to CB for Larry's visitation last night (rough, rough, rough), but worst of all (?), the crazy one of the office got snippy with me. I simply walked away and ignored her, which, I think, infuriated her more but I didn't care. I was not going to feed into her madness. I'm not going to play that game. And today, she did it again, so I turned to her - because let's face it, I can only take so much harassment - and said, "Are you mad at me or something? Did I do something wrong?" to which she tried to turn it back on me and said..."No, I think you're mad at me for yesterday..." to which I said, "Well, you've been snappy at me, so......" And she walked away.

I stood up to a bully. Because that's what she is, along with the bitchy one. They're bullies. They sit back there and whisper, whisper, whisper to each other or if I suddenly walk into the area and they were whispering, suddenly that stops and they talk really loud about some asinine thing. *eye roll* Like I said - they're very unaware.

But, whatever. I just keep telling myself, "Larry's dead. This shit doesn't mean a goddamn thing..." And I think about what Larry would say to me, "Don't give them free rent in your head!" and so I don't. I think about what a good job I'm doing, how I really like the work, how I got complimented today by one of the attorney's, how I'm totally rocking this shitty mohawk hair-do, how I'm doing so well on my diet and in my life, in general and I let it roll off my back....which I also thinks annoys the shit out of them so I make sure I'm totally cool and calm and smiling and happy and helpful and funny. I like to really rub their noses in that shit.

I got an apology from Crazy....over the lunch hour when she & I were the only ones in the building, of course. And then I left to do the mail run, come back to the office and there they were, whispering, whispering, whispering but as soon as I walked to my area, they acted like they weren't just talking about me.

Seriously. 12-year-old girls. I wore my headphones most of the rest of the day so I wouldn't have to hear, "sssss,ssss,ssss,,,sssssss". How annoying.

I wish I could walk in there tomorrow and say, "I am so glad I get two days away from you bitches, hahahahahahaha!"

And ho-ly-shit, my hips are killing me! I think it's from wearing heels all day & night yesterday. Too much action for these arthritic hips. Time to pop from Tylenol Arthritis and rest these old bones.

"You never know how strong you are until you get a bad haircut." -Me

*sigh*

Am I still on this? Yes, I am. I cannot stop thinking about it. I was up early this morning because of damn daylight savings time, but I'm not grumpy about that. I'm actually quite happy. This is where our time should stay. I don't know why we spring ahead in the Spring but I think we should boycott that. What would happen if I just didn't. I'd be an hour off, wouldn't I?

God, I'm not even funny and it's all because of this mohawk haircut. I wore a baseball cap last night handing out treats. I woke up this morning wondering if there was a hat store in the Big O I could buy a hat to wear for the next month.

You know, my attitude, normally, is that it's hair - it'll grow back. You cannot screw up my hair. Really. I'll try anything. But now I have a job. In a respectable lawyer's office and I'm pretty sure none of them have ever come to work with a freakin' mohawk.  Even working at the church would have been more acceptable than a lawyer's office for this hair.

Here's how I looked when she first cut it short - shaved the sides (August)

Cute, right? Those were the days....

Here's what she did yesterday:

My god, is that the shape of my head? Why does it look like an egg? Where'd my hair go? 

And ya know, when I look at the pictures, as you probably are, I think, "Oh nobody will even notice. It's not that much different..." It is. When I look at myself in the mirror, I laugh, because if I didn't laugh, I'd cry. It's the worst damn haircut I've ever had and that includes the time Mom chopped off all my hair and gave me a Dorothy Hamill haircut and the other time she literally shaved my head and the one time I took a pair of scissors to my bangs when I was 4. So, yeah, I've had some bad haircuts, but this one....*sigh* Crap.

There isn't even anything to work with! She shaved my "sides" at least an inch higher than she usually does, leaving me that strip of hair down the middle.  I wonder if she had me confused with a 10-year-old boy or something. 

I'm not going to run to the Big O to buy any hats today. I'd look just as ridiculous. I can only pull off a baseball cap or stocking hat. I don't see me going around sporting a fedora. I can't pull it off. Just like I can't pull off a mohawk....

I'm not smiling because I'm happy....

Jesus. I'm just not going to look at myself for at least a month. Ugh. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I keep thinking it'll get better. Like, magically, in the next 5 minutes, it'll somehow grow back and look like it normally does. It hasn't happened, yet, but I can hope.  

I mean, having a mohawk changes everything. I have to be punk now. I feel like I should dye the strip of hair blue or purple or orange. I should get a nose ring and an eyebrow stud and probably a stud in my cheek and I'll probably have to get some sort of face-tattoo to make me "tougher" and wear big black military boots and tons of bracelets so I clang wherever I go and leather. Lots and lots of leather and I should try to be more grungy. Maybe I shouldn't even bathe. 

I cannot pull this look off. I'm just not mohawk-material. I'm too vanilla. 

It'll grow back - though I'm starting to wonder because my hair keeps falling out in the sink when I'm "styling" it (more hair than usual) like it's jumping ship. It doesn't want to be associated with a haircut this bad. I understand. I do.