The more one gets to know of men, the more one values dogs. ~Alphonse Toussenel

Trying to sleep with Shooter is like trying to sleep with any man - he's big, hairy, loud, hot (and not in the good way hot, but in the I'm-burning-up-get-the-F-away-from-me hot) and rarely stops moving. I can't do it. I just can't. Last night, Shooter barked - actually barked - after I put him in his kennel for the night. He never does that. I ignored him because I didn't want him to think, "Hey! If I bark, she comes running! I'm going to do that all the time!!". No. No, I do not want that. So while I felt total and complete guilt over me sleeping in a semi-comfy bed and him sleeping in a semi-comfy kennel (i.e. jail) I did not relent...because if I did, I knew he'd want to sleep in the bed not beside it and I wouldn't get any sleep.

He's just like a man.

Animal control hasn't shown up at my door.....yet, but I find that to be good news. Maybe the woman is like me: 3 strikes, you're out. I give people 3 times to get it right and if they don't, then I fix it my-damn-self. Here's hoping.....

I want a fence. I want a fence. I want a fence. I need a fence. Really. NEED. People are looking at the house two doors down from me and they have kids...and a dog....and I can see my hell already. For my sanity, I need a fence. I took better pictures of the side of the house so I can see better where a fence will go and how it will look. I'm not even going to attempt to insert a picture fence for you...you'll just have to use your imagination.

My overall goal would be to have a fence come north from the garage (where the chair is) to just south of the water pump and then take it all the way to where a front sidewalk would be. It would basically encompass my air conditioner. I'd want to remove the brick & rock from beside the house (at least some of it) and throw some grass seed down and lay down some stepping stones.

Looking East

 But for now, I'd simply like a fence from the water pump (where the above picture begins at the bottom) to the porch (beyond the A.C.).

Looking West

Oh, FSM, it can't happen soon enough. And won't it be great to protect my windows from whoever randomly throws shit at them? And won't it be great to have an area of my yard that's actually private? And won't it be great to buffer the neighbors noise? And won't it be great to have a place for Shooter to be on his long tether without charging the neighbors, their dog or a random old lady? And WON'T IT BE GREAT?!?

It will. It really, really will.

Then, I'd like to plant some thorny bushes along my South sidewalk.

If I'd had thorny bushes there already, Shooter wouldn't have jumped on that old lady. Or he would have, she would have fallen into the bushes, been scarred for life and Shooter'd be dead & I'd have a big fine to pay. I'm thinking the first one's more likely.

I'm looking at Firethorn

Mine won't look nearly as good or as tall...

Or Barberry

This is what it would look like because I'd be lax in pruning...

Ahhh, bliss already simply daydreaming about it. It could happen. It could. I hope....

In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semi human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog. ~Edward Hoagland

Here's my training so far with Shooter:

Obviously it is quite difficult to take video and pretend-shoot a dog at the same time. Once we get it down better, I'll try to take a better video.

I've become one of those people....people who only talk about their babies & children, who only talk about their pets if there are no children around. And he's not even mine! But I have to say...other than jumping on an old lady & waiting for the ax to fall (i.e. animal control visit), going crazy when another creature is within his line of sight, acting nuts-o whenever anybody comes over and the non-stop whining, I'm enjoying having him in my home. I even think Garfield is perfectly fine with Shooter.

Obviously.

And other than pinning me down while he watched Garfield eat her food

which seriously hurt, by the way...he's a great dog. He rarely barks. He learns so quickly. He's not needy. He's fine being in his kennel...in fact, that's where he is right now, even though the gate's open and he can roam freely around the house.

My flowers are blooming!

South porch (Find Shooter...)

South porch

Back door, i.e. Shooter's playground

I planted the above lavender & citronella last week? Two weeks ago? I don't know when but I also sprayed a small bottle of original Listerine all around the rocks, grass (weeds) and door frame to keep the mosquitoes at bay and whether it's the combination of the plants and Listerine or just one or the other, I don't know, but it worked. Thank goodness because I was getting eaten alive. Now, I actually enjoy sitting out there with Shooter, reading a book, smoking a cigarette, or simply waking up (or falling asleep)....until the neighbor wants to let her dog out. Then it's immediately inside.

I have a movie to go watch and lunch to eat and definitely a nap to take. Speaking of which, when I don't get a nap during the day, I develop a killer headache. Naps. Are. Good!

"Rambunctious, rumbustious, delinquent dogs become angelic when sitting." Dr. Ian Dunbar

Ah, Shooter. I took him out twice in one hour - to the backyard. He was still whining, whining, whining so I relented and took him out front, where the tether is longer so he can roam more. Dogs should roam. Dogs should run. Shooter doesn't, hasn't and never will....unless he escapes, which is why I think he always wants to.

Front yard no more. He was on the North side of my front yard, whining at my neighbors dog which is out back and then, with lightening speed, he was at the South side of my front yard, to the sidewalk, jumping up onto an elderly woman. I swear people should wear bells so I know when they're coming! The tether was wet from the dew on the grass so I had a hard time getting a grip on it to pull him back....and she just kept walking and he just kept jumping.

*sigh*

Well, that's it for the front yard and I'm pretty damn sure Animal Control will be at my door within days.

Dogs are so much work.

Yes he's on my bed. No I don't want him there. I'm such a sucker...

I'm trying to train him to play dead when I say BANG! It's not perfect, but we're getting there. He'll do anything for a treat.

Yesterday was the final Summer Reading Program at the library....and thank goodness for that! Too many kids and one of the librarians wasn't in a very good mood. I can't be around bitchy people. They cause too much anxiety in me because I think they're bitchy because of me. What did I do? Did I do something wrong? Should I have been doing something but wasn't? Too. Much. Anxiety. So I left right away afterward but not before correcting a woman who asked, "Are you A Kruuuuuuuger?" I said, "Well, I'm A KREEEEEGER" and her response was "Oh, whatever.."  Whatever? She has to be around 65 years old. She's known my parents for 30 years and she still doesn't know our damn last name? Yeah. Whatever.

 Wednesday's Program was much better. Fewer kids. My semi-nephews were there. It was fun...

Colin

But I'm glad it's over. I hope there's nothing else all summer.

I got my birthday present yesterday...

It's a gecko

Good thing I shaved my toes this morning, huh? It's supposed to be sterling silver but it seems awfully pliable so we'll see how long it lasts. Cost $8.00. Well worth it.

My E-machine computer, bought in 2009, was crapping out on me so Dad gave me his old computer and while I was skeptical it would work any better, it sure as hell does. THANKS DAD! And it wasn't as painful as I thought adding software, downloading all my files & folders...though I did forget to export my bookmarks and I'm too lazy to unplug the "new" computer, plug in the old one, download the bookmarks, unplug the old computer, plug in the new one and import the bookmarks. It's just easier to remember which bookmarks are most important, find them and re-bookmark them. I doubt I've lost anything important.

I'm going to go smoke a pack of cigarettes until Animal Control arrives. I hope they don't take Garfield.

Garfield's had enough of Shooter eating her food so she eats his. I'm going to start feeding the dog cat food and the cat dog food. They're confused...

"If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you." -Paul Newman

I am such a sucker. And she had the nerve to say, "I'm supposed to charge you tax..." And I laughed and said, "Good thing you're not because this is ALL. I'VE. GOT." Make the damn sale, woman! I'm not supposed to be making it for you!

Of course, I did, though. I'm so easy....I'm a sucker for anything purple.

Had a great time at Mom & Dad's celebrating Father's Day...

Their yard is so nice. I could sit outside there all day. You don't feel so exposed on their front porch.

And now it's time for a long-overdue nap....I haven't had one in 3 days!!!! It's killing me... lol.

"Some days you're the pigeon; some days you're the poop."

Today is the final day of the Antique Walk and so far, I haven't gotten worked up about anybody pissing me off. I mean, ok, I get myself worked up over perceived slights and I'm ready with the words in my head to really give it to someone, but I haven't had to.....call Mom or Dad to save me.

I think it helps that I have Shooter and his dog poop in my yard. And it also helps that I have the same guy who, the first year, parked his mobile home in my yard and got yelled at for it (not by me, because I'm a wimp, but by Mom, who isn't) so he has had the rules yelled into his head. Since that first year, he's been awfully kind. I wonder why, lol? And one of his partners told me last night how much he likes my house - because he's been here the past 13 years and saw it deteriorate. He was also very kind. I wonder if people are scared of me now? I wouldn't hate that....

Yesterday, I did pop my head out my side door because a guy parked his truck, blocking my driveway. Now, this isn't a big deal, really, because I never plan to go anywhere during the Walk, but I need a damn escape route, people! So I just asked him kindly..."You're just loading up, right?" and moving along...and he assured me he'd only be 5-10 minutes. OK. That was o.k.

And then I was getting ready to go walking with Dad and saw a woman sitting on my side porch steps. I rolled my eyes and got ready with my quip..I'd ask kindly, "Are you ok?" and when they said "Yes" I'd tell them "Then get off my fucking porch! This isn't a park!" LOL, that sounds really funny in my head, but when I saw her dabbing her cheeks, like she was crying, I really did ask her if she was ok out of kindness and when she said she was overheated and her boyfriend was going to get the car, I asked if she wanted some cold water (like I have any good, cold water!) or a cold washcloth and she said No, she'd be ok but that was very "Christian" of me. *eye roll* I really should have told her I was an atheist because atheists always get a bad rap and for once it'd be nice to show someone atheists are nice, too. But I didn't. She had enough going on and I'm always afraid people are going to run away from me.

And then Dad & I walked about a 2 square block radius and within the first block, my head was dripping sweat. I really needed a rag to wipe my head/face. It was disgusting. We were just strolling!  Not even a brisk walk! Something is really wrong with me.

I found a ring I really, really wanted but I think prices get marked down Sunday because people want to sell their shit so I put it back. I thought about it all night. And this morning I worried she'd pack her shit & leave because you never know when people are going to do that on the last day. So, I really want this ring. I waited until around 8:30 to make sure folks had "opened up" and left my house.....and immediately got pooped on by a bird...or a squirrel since the poop wasn't white. Just down my arm; luckily not in my hair 'cause that'd have really pissed me off. So I did an about-face and went back into the house to wipe it off. I had the thought, "This is a sign. The universe is telling you to stay inside!"

I didn't. I wiped it off and went out my front door so as not to get poop-bombed again and made my way to her place. I only took $20.00 with me because even though it's marked at $24 I was sure she'd come down in price. And if she didn't, then it wasn't meant to be.

She didn't. She really, really didn't.

And I'm still thinking about that damn ring.

What other signs do I need from the universe to not buy the damn ring?

I've been pooped on, for crying out loud! And she didn't come down in price, so.....

Why do I still want it?

*sigh*

I'm going to cave. I just know it. Because whenever I haven't bought something I've obsessed over like this, I've always regretted it. And I have enough regrets as it is, amiright?

And here's to this guy....

without whom, I wouldn't exist and that would suck. Thanks Dad & Happy Father's Day!

"There's a certain age when you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It's more like "Her old ass should know better"". -Maxine

Welp, I think 40 might be it.

It's been a pretty darn good day and do you know why? Basically because I forgot about it. I woke up this morning and it was probably an hour later I realized it was my birthday. The other reason....no expectations. None whatsoever. I have all that I need. I want very little. It was simply nice to hear from people today. Hell, I almost teared up reading the Facebook birthday wishes.

I did get a beautiful bouquet of flowers from my brother's girlfriend & her kids.

Had to use all 4 of my vases!

I love fresh flowers. They just brighten everything up.

And I got a lovely card & some money from Ma & Pa. This time I'm going to buy myself something I want....not what I need. Every other time they've given me money for my birthday or Christmas I've spent it on necessities, like food. But this time, I'm 40, it's an occasion, so I'm going to ponder what I really, really want. A new toe ring, definitely. That's about $12.00, lol. Maybe a punching bag & gloves? I've always wanted one. They're only around $50 at Dick's Sporting. That way, when I finally do get a job that frustrates me to no end, I'll have something to punch. I just don't know! I feel like a little kid given money for her birthday and she's all excited to buy something with it and she doesn't know what to spend it on so she ends up just hoarding it. *eye roll* I am not a hoarder.

The antiquers are starting to move into town. Started around 11:00 this morning and has been going on all day. I don't think anybody's stepped in Shooter's two piles of poo yet. I can't wait for that moment. I hope I'm watching. I really think this year will go off without any drama (unless someone accidentally steps into my yard, that is). It's supposed to be too damn hot to do anything anyway. I'll be lucky to spend 5 minutes outside with Shooter.

And who couldn't love this cutie?

"I love them. They are so nice & selfish.Dogs are TOO good & unselfish.They make me feel uncomfortable. But cats are gloriously human." L.M. Montgomery

Garfield ventured out into the living room today....

Garfield sniffing Shooter's kennel

And this was Shooter's reaction....

He couldn't care less.....

And tonight....

Garfield's got the "devil eyes"...

Both laying within feet of each other on the kitchen floor while I made dinner. 

It really makes me feel loved because Garfield braves being around Shooter to be around me. Shooter just wants food and will do anything & everything to get it. 

Wouldn't it be great if I didn't have to jump over a baby gate to go to the bathroom!?! If these two can get along, maybe.....just maybe. Oh, but then I'd worry about Shooter eating all of Garfield's food, which he does often, and peeing in her litter box, which I never want to experience...So, maybe not. 

But still.....who knew! I've never had a cat not turn into a lion around a dog before. This might be kind of nice. Though I'm pretty sure she'd kick his ass to the curb in a hot second. 

Oh, and I keep forgetting to mention this - I don't know how because I think about it daily - I have a new favorite recipe. I could eat this every meal, every day. Well, maybe not every....

Loaded Cauliflower Casserole

I've modified it - basically cut it in 1/2 and I do add 1/4 C whipping cream. I use bacon pieces and onion flakes and garlic powder. So. Damn. Good. I wish a could make a huge vat of this and have it on hand always. The only problem is, I'm pretty sure I'd eat the whole vat in one sitting.... Delicious!

"Forget the dog. Beware of the kids!"

*sigh*

Shooter, man. Can't leave him alone for one minute! He knocks down the baby gate (which is firmly in place), eats Garfield's food, gets into my bathroom trash can, which has a lid, shreds kleenex and then has the gall to be on the right side of the gate when I come back inside - after being outside for ONE DAMN MINUTE - and look all, "I know you're going to yell at me....I'm sorrrrrrryyyyy!" It's so hard to be mad at a dog with a face that constantly looks ashamed.

Today, Garfield jumped the gate while I had Shooter outside. I warned her. I really did. Shooter came in and I spoke calmly to him so he would get the hint to be calm - and he was - but Garfield, after sniffing him, still growled & hissed. I think she's just pissed off that I'm not constantly by her side (or she mine). She's working up her nerve to be in the same vicinity as Shooter. It's quite a treat to watch.

I haven't talked much about this lately because...*sigh*....it's just too damn depressing. While I haven't talked about applying for jobs, I have been. I've even had interviews. And I get told every. damn. time. that I interview so well but.............. But what?!? WTF? How is there someone better than me at every job I apply to? Impossible. Something must be wrong with me. And then, Monday I went to Atl because I'd seen an ad on the workforce website so I brought my resume & cover letter to the place, even met with the HR person and was told she'd just offered the job to someone else. Huh? The ad said it was open until July 4. Seriously? AND then I saw the same damn ad in today's Shopper. Geezy lou. She acted like she'd have hired me on the spot.....if someone else hadn't just taken the job. *eye roll* So annoyed.

Enough of that crap.

Today was the library's second adventure of "Every Hero Has a Story". We talked about military heroes and had a former Marine talk to the kids, teach them "Atten-tion!" and Uh-oh, there's an Officer... Salute! He taught them marching and then the kids had to go through an obstacle course (boot camp) and he taught them shooting skills (Nerf guns knocking down paper cups). I taught them the phonetic alphabet, which my brother's girlfriend's kids (geesch, could they get married already so I could just call them my nephews?) thought was cool because I talked about how my brother taught me that alphabet when we drove from Maine to Walnut. Over & over & over. The kids did pretty good deciphering my codes. It was a better day than last Wednesday. Next week: Superheroes! I think the kids are excited about that...

We all look like we're possessed by the devil because my camera's a piece of shit. I look short. 

I'm getting all prepped for the huge influx of antiquers this weekend. The onslaught starts tomorrow evening when the town lets the vendors start setting up. Here's hoping I don't have complete idiots in front of my house again this year and that Shooter doesn't bark like mad at all the people. I left his poop in my yard near the sidewalk after his morning constitution. I hope someone steps in it....and that someone isn't me.

Can you believe I'll be 40 tomorrow? I keep forgetting it's my birthday. I think I'm too distracted by a dog, a scary cat and antiquers. Eh, it's just another day, right? Hahahahahahahaha. If you think I think that, you're crazy! It's my birthday...I'm gonna party like it's my birthday! Oh god, I'm going to eat pizza tomorrow! And maybe I'll bake myself a cake! With REAL frosting! Hell, I've lost 3 lbs I apparently think I need to gain right back.  I think one whole cake will do that.... :)

"When my cats aren’t happy, I’m not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they’re just sitting there thinking up ways to get even." - Percy Bysshe Shelley

My sore is gone! I can be a normal human being again! Well, sort of. I'm still square. How many days is that, now? Too damn many to count, that's for sure...but at least I can walk without being in pain. I have mowing the lawn last night to thank for that.

You don't always notice when you feel good but you sure notice when you don't.

A couple nights ago, Garfield almost touched noses with Shooter. I would have run to grab my camera to take a picture for proof, but I was the mediator and afraid of upsetting the balance. It was precarious at best. Shooter pretty much stood stock-still, except for his wagging tail and Garfield s-l-o-w-l-y inched her way towards his nose with a lot of coaxing from yours truly. Once she got a good whiff, she turned tail and ran....but.....progress!

Last night, I woke up at 1AM to Shooter making this god-awful noise and I interpreted it as..he was eating Garfield! Come on, it was 1AM. I was dead asleep. I don't do well right when I wake up. I think I'm still dreaming. So I jumped out of bed, couldn't see Garfield, so, yep, I was going to be right...and then I went into the living room to check on Shooter and he was just acting like he was going to hurl. And not hurl up Garfield. There's no way he could eat her through the kennel. Whew. So I let him out of the kennel because I didn't want him throwing up in there, but he was so excited to be released from prison that I figured I'd better take him outside.

I forgot how many stars there are in the sky!

He kept acting like he was coughing or spitting or going to vomit but he did none of those things and after getting eaten alive by every bug known to man, we both came back inside and went to bed. He was still doing it this morning (I have him to thank for the 6AM wake up call) and once this afternoon. My brother thinks he's got a hairball. Do dogs get hairballs?

I had an epiphany the other night. Remember last year's Antique Walk and my ideas for this year? I think I said something like, "I'm going to have Mom & Dad save all their dog poop for awhile and then place poop strategically throughout my yard....so anybody who steps over the sidewalk will get a nice surprise!"  And now....I have my own dog who produces his own large amounts of poop (it's amazing, really)!!! So while I pick up his poop every. damn. time. for the next few days, I'm not going to. In fact, I may just pick it up and move it to where I want it. I hope some asshat, douchebag walks all through it and I hope he or she is wearing sandals and I hope a little bit gets on the bottom of their feet.

Oh and this morning I weighed 132lbs! I haven't seen that number in a long, long time!! So happy, though I'm sure I'll see 135 again soon enough...

I've never seen a fat cat move so fast!

I've been sitting at my computer for about 20 minutes now, trying to find the perfect title quote for today's post and apparently Garfield missed me & jumped the baby gate. I grabbed her up into my lap before Shooter could even lift his head up. Garfield was fine until she saw Shooter, then she growled, hissed, jumped from my computer table to the chair to the floor & up & over the baby gate. I didn't realize she could move like that. I'd better check on her...she's probably having a heart attack.

Shooter just moseyed over and then whined. *sigh* the whining. Enough already! This is your life! Get used to it!

Earlier today, the kids stopped by to see Shooter. He loved it. And then I saw Mom & Dad with the kids walking all 4 dogs so I put Shooter on his tether and let him out.

I became one of those damn people I hate. Dogs, dogs and more dogs all barking like little shit-heads because someone walked by or they saw another dog or they saw a squirrel.

When you look at a word for too long, doesn't it seem to be spelled wrong?

I mean, geesch. I've become a redneck, hillbilly, white-trash...*sigh* It was embarrassing. I won't be surprised if the city calls me on Monday to fine me for wildly barking dogs who scared the poor person calmly walking her dog on the other side of the street.

I know I'm projecting my feelings towards other people who are shitty dog owners onto myself. Shooter is fine. All the other dogs are o.k. They were all on leashes. No dogs escaped. Nobody was attacked or bit. My god, I've been bit twice by my neighbors dog and I haven't said a word to anyone except my parents. OK, they were just little nips, but still....an insane, leash-less, barking dog comes charging at you with teeth bared, jumping up to take a nibble out of your hip....not a fun experience. So, really, all "my" dogs were little angels compared to that monster.

I don't want people to think of me like I think of them.

Better go check on Garfield...who had a bit of a piddle-accident last night. I don't get it because she's been using the litter box just fine (slinking past the hallway baby gate to get to the bathroom and then slinking back to the bedroom...) and Shooter was in his kennel all night anyway, so I don't know if she heard a noise and got spooked & just piddled a little or what. I wondered if I was maybe sleepwalk-peeing but I haven't done that since my drunk days so...whew! That's a relief! It wasn't me! But now I'm worried she's just going to pee wherever she feels like it because she's pissed off (better than being pissed on!) so I washed her litter box, put fresh litter in it and plunked her right down inside so she'd get the hint. So far, so good....today.

This shit stresses me out.

"Beware of the dog. The cat is not trustworthy either."

Well, here's my day.

Sad because he's at my house instead of my brother's. 

Waiting for my brother...

After my brother left...

Statue of Garfield...because she refuses to move.

Shooter is an excellent dog. Except for all the whining. However, I'll take whining over barking any day so I can live with it. He sleeps good in his kennel at night. I even took the baby-gates down last night so Garfield could roam freely. I don't think she left the bedroom. She "accidentally" got through a baby-gate and ventured into the living room while I was sitting on the couch with Shooter. Then she saw Shooter, ran away like a little girl, tore down one baby gate and hid under the bed.

*sigh*

I want a cat that's like an alley cat. Tough. Just once, I'd like a tough cat.

Other than constantly being worried Shooter's going to pee on something so overcompensating and taking him outside every 2 hours, I think I'm handling a dog in the house pretty well.

Garfield, on the other hand, not so much.

"Cats are notoriously sore losers. Coming in second best, especially to someone as poorly coordinated as a human being, grates their sensibility." - Stephen Baker

My dad is a daring man. He came over this afternoon to help me trim Garfield's backside since she doesn't listen to me when I say, "If you'd do a better job of bathing yourself - or lose some damn weight so you CAN - then I wouldn't have to clean you myself!" Man, she really hates it. Last night I just tried to wipe her down and whew, she did not like that. I've finally gotten her to the point I can brush her, but if I get anywhere near her tail or hind legs, she's gone.

So I knew I couldn't live with her like that. Gross. I mean, cats are supposed to be clean, right? But she's just too damn fat to take care of herself. We both need to diet more. AND I've tried wrapping her in a towel, a sweatshirt, holding her down, grabbing her tail while trying to control her back legs and, with scissors in hand, try to trim her instead of stab her. It just wasn't working. I'd need 4 hands to do it. And so I knew I needed help. Enter: Brave Dad

He wore his thick leather gloves, wrapped her in a sweatshirt, grabbed her legs and tail and said, "Do it! Do it now! Hurry!" We seriously needed to videotape the whole thing. Cats are notoriously wiggly little creatures. It must have been like trying to wrestle a mud-covered-pig. And while I did nip her skin once and I wasn't able to get it all, I did get a lot of it and trimmed her up a little and I hope she's able to bathe herself better.

She got a treat afterward, even though she wasn't very good. We all survived and for that, we should all get a treat.

No worse for wear! 

Boy, she has no clue what she's in for if I get my brother's dog, Shooter, tonight. I've already got my furniture covered, gates ready to put up and cover with towels so Garfield won't even have to look at the dog....She's enjoying laying in front of my doors. She'd better get used to the dog if she ever wants to again....

"Sorry your attempt to form a summer softball team was a painful reminder that you don't have eight friends."

Today was the library's kick-off of its Summer Reading Program: "Every Hero Has a Story"!

I was so hopeful. It's such a fun program (or it could be) and so I really thought we'd be flooded with kids, which in this little hamlet would be 10.

We had 4.

*sigh*

But Jack the Super Reading Dog was worth it:

Next week: Military Heroes!  I hope we have 1 kid.

"The difference between a woman on her period and a terrorist is that you can negotiate with a terrorist."

I was writing an email to my aunt, Hope, and it was getting quite lengthy so since I had so much to say, I thought I'd put it on here for ALL your reading enjoyment. Lucky you.

Well, my library had ONE book that I wanted to read: Lisa Genova's "O'briens" book. And I got the next Greg Isles book. I think I'll just stare at that one for awhile and read all the others and then grudgingly pick (weight-lift?) that one up. Ugh.

I know what you mean about not feeling like doing anything - especially b/c you're in pain and that's never fun. It just puts a cloud over everything. I'm anxious for you to have your foot surgery. Will definitely be sending you peaceful and wellness thoughts on Friday! 

Tomorrow is the library's summer reading program kick-off. I hope all I have to do is yell at kids to behave. I can handle that. And I think my brother's moving to town sometime this week, which is good b/c the Antique Walk is next weekend. I realized, I used to look forward to the Walk because I didn't live here and when I did live here it was Mom & Dad's problem. Now I live here and it is my problem. I should just keep my curtains closed and stay in my bedroom all weekend. Except, I know I won't do that b/c I'll want to catch someone doing something wrong in my yard. *sigh*

I didn't notice any rosy smell from my rose bushes. I trimmed them up yesterday and they look so much better. And now my Clematis is (apparently) done blooming and has barely grown. I do have it stretched to my trellis so it'll figure out to climb up. But it seems done. I think it needs more sun. Am still amazed my roses bloomed!! So if nothing else does anything the rest of the summer, I'm ok with that. I hope my roses prick a bunch of antiquers, lol. 

I'm still debating the Depo shot. I'm supposed to get it next Wed. But, if I'm constantly square now and that's what happens when a person goes off the Depo (for 6 months to 1 year, ugh) then maybe I should just do it now. Go off it, I mean. But then I think....holy shit, I don't think I could survive. Especially if my body is going to start making sores as big as quarters again. A girl's gotta be able to wear underwear when she's square, right? So life is not so grand right now. I'm just trying to move as little as possible. I don't know what to do. Maybe I should make a doctor's appt for next Wed and see what she has to say? I just don't know & it's driving me insane so I'll probably just do what I always do...keep taking the shot. 

So if any of you are wondering why I'm in such a bad, pissy, snappy mood, you try being square for, oh 43 days and for the last 4 days be in excruciating pain from a sore the size of a quarter on my bikini line. Of course I'm in a bad mood! Geez, people around here are lucky I haven't gone postal! Be thankful for that! 

Whew.

Checked my mailbox today for more gifts for my brother. Nothing except a bill for me.  Mom & I (mostly Mom) raised 370.00 at the garage sale last weekend for my brother. Just did everything "Free will donation". I told Dad we should have a fire every year! :) And I know people around here have donated Walmart GC and money to his account so that's good. Whew! Raised more than $5.00!  :) 

Mom & Dad got a new mower. I hate it, lol. Of course I hate it. It's not the one I'm used to. It's new and I have to get used to it and honestly, I just wanted to kick the shit out of that thing within the first 15 minutes of mowing. It is sleek and fast and shiny (well, it was until I got my hands on it) and would be easier to push on its own if my yard wasn't lumpy like my fat ass. But I wasn't able to do anything with my arms & hands for hours after, they hurt so bad. Here's a positive, I'll have forearms like Popeye by the end of the summer!

Maybe I should get anchor tattoos to match. 

"The perfect beach book is one that covers your entire face when you fall asleep under it." -Maxine

I just finished Greg Isles' "Natchez Burning". If I'd fallen asleep with that damn huge monster on my face, I think I would have suffocated. I'm not a fan of overly large books unless they're by Stephen King. I skimmed quite a bit through Isles' book. It was good, don't get me wrong. Just tedious and wordy and can't you get your point across like Robert B. Parker? Use fewer words. I felt like I was in school and that does not make reading very enjoyable. AND the ending wasn't truly an ending so I have to get & finish his next book, which is also a monster. Oh, Greg. You're killing me.

On a crabby note, I have a new sore in the worst place possible AND I'm still square. You can just imagine. I won't be moving very much today. Entire month of May and so far, the entire month of June. Ain't life grand?

And it's hotter than Hades and humid. Have I said I hate summer? Yep, I sure do...Anywhoo, while my AC hasn't kicked on yet, it's pretty stuffy & stifling in my house so I turned on the living room ceiling fan to get some air moving around.

I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to do that so I'm trying to keep Garfield from laying directly underneath it. I wouldn't mind if the damn thing ripped right out of the ceiling, it annoys me so much. I'll just keep my eye on it. I'm sure it'll be fine and no catastrophe's will happen....like the death of Garfield.

She's been acting funny lately. I think it's because it's hot and I always have a fan blowing directly on me when I'm in bed and I don't think she likes the fan very much....so now she's taken to hiding under my t.v. table in the bedroom (which has a tablecloth that reaches the ground) and inside her kitty-carrier. If she's acting this wonky already, how is she going to act when Shooter moves in for the next 6 months to 1 year? I'm going to be in a very bad mood for a very long time. Steer clear.

It's a good thing I have no plans to see any human beings today because....today is not your day and tomorrow's not looking so good either...

"Somebody once said I had a face for radio and a voice for newspapers." -Jerry Springer

Heard myself on the radio this morning:

My cell phone stopped recording, so here's the last few minutes

I had the volume cranked on my alarm-clock-radio and cranked on my computer when I listened to these, so blast away! If you want to hear, that is. I about threw up. It was lucky(?) that I caught it - I was just getting ready to get into the tub and heard the interviewer's voice on the radio and thought, "Well, I might as well check"...and lo & behold, there I was.

I preemptively apologized to Misty the day of the interview, because I couldn't remember what I'd said but was sure I'd said something stupid, so I texted her a blanket apology. Glad I did, lol.

As Jim Field (the interviewer) says at the end, my brother & girlfriend & kids have found a rental house in my (our) little hamlet....that doesn't take dogs. So Mom & Dad are going to be running a kennel at their house with two of my brother's dogs (on top of their two) and I'm going to be giving Garfield CPR while I take care of Shooter. I. Am. Not. Ready. Did I say I'd move heaven & earth to help these people? What was I thinking? That's certainly come back to bite me in the ass, lol.

It will all be fine. Maybe Garfield & Shooter will like each other. Maybe Shooter won't eat my furniture. Maybe I won't be covered in dog hair and smell. OMG, am I going to have to give him baths?!?

I have to stop thinking about it...Time to get groceries in this crappy 100% humid, hot weather. Is it winter yet?

"Don't hurry. Don't worry. You're only here for a short visit, so don't forget to stop & smell the roses." -Walter Hagen

I was so excited to see this this morning that I actually stopped mowing, ran inside and grabbed my cell phone to take pictures & text to Dad.

I HAVE ROSES!

These roses bushes...*sigh*....When I first moved into the house in May 2013, we didn't know these roses existed. We mowed over them. We sprayed them with weed killer. And then they started growing. And growing. And growing....but never produced any blooms. I've trimmed it every Fall and sometimes in the Summer when they get really out of control...but still no blooms.

And then! And then today!

I guess the meaning here is....treat them like shit 'cause they're gonna do what they're gonna do regardless. In spite of me, they've grown and produced blooms and I simply can't believe it. Nature is wonderful!!

I wish I could just sit out on my front walk and stare at them the rest of the day....but I need to bathe and get over to Atl to spread the word about my brother. I'm exhausted.

"A sunburn is nature's way of reminding you you're made out of meat." -Maxine

Even though I've tanned nicely this Spring, I received my first burn of the year yesterday. I don't know if it was while I was staining one of my porches or later at the town's baseball game. I assume the latter. I don't wear sunscreen. Why would I? I so rarely burn and I want a tan, dammit. Otherwise, I look like I'm ready for the morgue. I can hear my aunt Hope now saying, "But there's high risk of skin cancer in our family!!" and to that I say - I'll probably die of lung cancer before that happens, lol. :)

Today's been a day, let me tell you! I feel like I've actually got a life! I want to go back to what I had before - solitude, isolation, television, Garfield, music and sleep.

I woke up around 7:45 this morning. I was bushed. Yesterday I put the second coat of white paint on a door and the first coat of stain on one of my porches. And then ate a quick lunch and went to the ball game. When I got home, I put a 3rd coat of paint on the door, took a bath and just about fell asleep right after. Except my damn neighbors started playing heavy-bass music, so I had to put in ear plugs, turn on my fan and turn up the t.v. I hate noise. So, anyway, I was tired.

Dad texted me pretty soon after I woke up this morning and asked if he could come over at 8:30 to take out my "some-asshat-broke-my" bedroom window. Sure, I said...In the meantime, I went outside and started putting a second coat of stain on my porch. I got about 1/3 of the way done and Dad was there. Pause to help him with the window. By that time, it was 9:00 so I called my bank to see if they'd help my brother out. After 1/2 hour on the phone with the manager, I decided it was just as easy to simply tell people to send money to the bank and the bank directly deposit it into my brother's account. Geesch. 30 minutes to figure all that out. And then it was 9:30 and since I didn't have to go to Atl. to sign anything at the bank, I went to my library meeting....until 11:30. We're getting ready for the Summer Reading Program starting June 10th. I just do what I'm told.

On the way home from that, Dad texted to ask if he could come over and put up their old kitchen light in my dining room. Yes please!

Love it! And Dad, of course!

While I helped him with that, I created the flyer to help my brother after the fire. I read to Dad as I did it. When he finished with the light, I printed the flyer to show Mom. Went over to their place and got her approval.  I emailed it to my brother & his girlfriend for their approval, then impatiently waited for their responses (approved, yeah!) So I posted it on Facebook, printed off more fliers, wrote little notes to the local churches, grabbed some envelopes and tape and headed out to plaster the town with my brother's face. Gas stations, restaurants, bars, post office, library, city hall, bank...you name it, his face is on it. I bet he hates me, lol. I just figure, I can't do much for him but this I can do. I can get the word out and be completely unashamed about asking for help because it isn't for me...it's for someone I love with all my heart. 

At this point it was 2:30 and I hadn't eaten lunch yet but I still had 2/3 of a porch to stain and I knew if I ate first, I'd just lay down and fall asleep...so I completed the porch, took a bath (peeeewwwww, I stunk) and now I'm posting this, because, again, I knew if I ate first, that'd be all I did for the rest of the day/night. 

You're all caught up in my (usually boring) life. I'll take boredom....

“Adults, grown men & women who’ve been around the block a few times, know that boring is a gift straight from God. Life has more than enough excitement up its sleeve, ready to hit you with as soon as you’re not looking, without you adding to the drama.” –pg. 11, “Broken Harbor”, Tana French