"Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious." ~William Feather

Yesterday was a long day. I left home for my 7AM meeting at 6:30. I'm having a harder and harder time making this meeting....for various reasons that I won't get into here.  I'm usually happy that I went.  Yesterday was no exception. We celebrated a 27 year anniversary (I say anniversary, they say birthday....tomato, tomAto) and a 1 year anniversary. Both give me immense hope.

Last night I needed to meet a youth mission group from Michigan, traveling to Wyoming, who were spending the night at the church. A year ago (pretty soon, I'll get to say 'over a year ago') I wouldn't have done this. I would have asked somebody else, anybody else, to meet the group. Because I would have been drunk by the time the group was meant to arrive. And I would have been drunk the whole time they were in the building and would not have been able to answer any distress calls. Hell, I would have been drunk by now.

However, I did meet the group and am glad I did (though they were huggers, not hand-shakers-- *sigh*).  I did just have the thought, "What if they're a bunch of gypsies and not a church youth group; they just said they were a church youth group to get into our building and ransack the place?"  I am such an untrusting person.

I didn't leave the church until after 7 last evening and on the way home realized I'm doing a really piss-poor job of 'promptly' emptying the cat's litter box. Since that was on my mind, I missed a stop I was supposed to make on the way home. Had to turn around, not for the first time, and go back they way I'd come. Just call me Alice.

I only received one phone call from the group at 9PM last night and it wasn't an emergency call (thankful for that because nobody wants to see me in my pajamas with bedhead). 

I was up at 5:30 this morning (actually 4, but didn't get out of bed until 5:30).  Why, oh why, do I have to wake up so early? Not only that, but why are there soccer (or whatever) games going on at 6AM at the park? Who schedules games that early and who actually attends them? I'll tell you who. Every single-freaking-clap-happy-cheering-loudly parent.

Anybody that energetic at 6:00AM should be shot. 

I did wake up grateful today.  Grateful that I was able to do my job and not pass it off on someone else. Grateful that I was clearheaded. Grateful that I woke up today.....somewhat cheerful.

"Better to create something that some people love and some people hate vs. everyone being indifferent about it." --Guy Kawaski

It's been awhile since my last blog post. Since then, I had a nice week away from work, celebrated my 37th birthday, spent much-needed time with family & friends, dewormed my cats (visit High Heel to the Crotch for that doozy of a story!), and read several books.

I wanted to write, today, about....How much shit can rain down upon a person at once? I just keep thinking to myself, "What else can go wrong?" and not in a holy-shit-I'm-going-to-drink kind of way; not even in a I-need-a-nap kind of way.  Just, calmly...what's next?

The cats have worms. Elvis vomited all over my bedspread (sorry Mom! It's clean now!) The parking lot at work is sinking. I have another sinkhole that desparately needs filled. The plumber needs to visit the rental house for some work. I have over 200 envelopes to stuff tomorrow (less than normal, though)!  The church's insurance carrier has dumped them. Guess who gets to find a new one? All that can really happen next, inevitably, is that an AC unit will go down on the hottest day of the year.

And it's all ok.  Hell, I even spent most of this morning going over the church's finances and while I'm not even a tiny bit hopeful, it's ok. What will be, will be.

Why am I not freaking out?

I honestly don't know but am glad I'm not.

On another note, a side reason that I haven't blogged in awhile is because I want to post about atheism, and more importantly, I want it to be good.  I feel like a chick hatching from its egg.  It's all so exciting and fresh and new and I want to share it with everyone! *eye roll* giggle

Finally, something I can get excited about!  I've read Godless by Dan Barker, The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, Letter to a Christian Nation by Sam Harris, and am on Sam Harris Book #2, The End of Faith. I peruse several blogs, at least weekly: Unreasonable Faith & Friendly Atheist are my top 2.

See, I'm already rolling and I'm not even ready yet.

Suffice it to say, atheism isn't the easy road to go. Not in AA. Not in the Midwest. Certainly, not in my current circle. However, it's a road I'm thrilled to take and can't wait to share my experience with each of you. I hope you'll stick it out with me!

“Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita”.

Not in this alcoholic's case. Margarita's are evil.

My last post was about what a good week I was having....that things really seemed to be coming together, like I'm molding Play-Doh or something.  The week was still good, regardless of the fact that, later, I learned I did not get the new job opportunity. At this point, there isn't anything much worse than that. It's quite disheartening. Yet, the prospect of staying somewhere where my beliefs are in such contrast is just as difficult.

Yesterday, we celebrated a bunch of family stuff-- It was a family-celebration-palooza held at my older brother's home. Margarita's were served.

I typically don't have to worry about alcohol at family functions. Or I thought I didn't. Maybe my alcoholism will finally do some good. Get me out of family functions held with my brother's in-laws. "Sorry! Can't attend! Recovering alcoholic over here! Can't be around it! Don't want to smell it! Can't resist it!"  Unless, maybe their plan is for me to fail. That's got to be it.

Not only were there margarita's, my in-laws cousin dropped an 18 pack of beer directly in front of my brother, which was directly in front of me, and said, "Happy Birthday! I know this is your favorite!"  I let it sit there for awhile, then turned to my brother, who I do love dearly but wonder if he's daft, and said, "Please get that the hell away from me". 

I realize the world doesn't revolve around me. Well, I'm trying to realize that.  But come on! Your lovely little sister, your only daughter, ONLY has 10 months sober. She's doing much, much better, granted. That does not mean she won't take a drink the first opportunity she gets. The point, for me, is to not put myself in situations where I might slip or where the slip is presented and taken later.  It doesn't matter that I didn't drink there. It matters that I didn't drink later.

Maybe it's that people forget I'm a recovering alcoholic. It isn't like my family talks about it at all. In fact, I'm not even sure if my older brother knows. And I am doing pretty well.  It's easy to forget if it's not in front of your face 24-7. Ten months is a big deal to me. Going to AA meetings is a big deal. Hell, simply staying sober is a big freaking deal. To me. It might not be to anybody else and it doesn't matter if it is. All that matters is that it's a big deal TO ME. 

I'm havin' a good, good day

This is turning out to be a pretty darn great week.

First, I have a prospective job opportunity. I'm trying desparately not to get my hopes up because so often they've been dashed and then I'm left disheartened, discouraged, and disgusted. But, what if???? The opportunity would be exciting and challenging and terrifying. Yes, terrifying. It's terrifying to change, isn't it?

Second, I had a good OKCupid-Dairy-Queen-First-Date and have a second date this evening. Again, I'm excited and terrified at the same time and am again trying not to get my hopes up....for the same reasons as above.

It just seems like things are coming together....and all in one week.

And then I received this, a NOOK!,  

because it's my Birthday Month. Yes, I believe I should receive a gift each day this month to celebrate...well....MY EXISTENCE. 

Can this week get any better? Maybe....just maybe.