"This job is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions and other signs of appreciation."

I think my body might be dying. This is the worst "being square" yet.  I can't even describe how incredibly bad it is, except to say, I'm pretty sure when I pee, the toilet bowl isn't supposed to be red. Gross, right? Imagine living with it. All day long. In office clothes. Carrying around a diaper in my pocket so I can change it every hour.  Yeah, it was a great freakin' day.

I didn't take a lunch break today (well, 10 minutes to go smoke) because I had so much work to do and to be honest, I wasn't hungry at Noon and I knew this body could go without some food for awhile.  But then I started to get light-headed and woozy and thought, "I've lost so much damn blood, I'm going to pass out!"  I still didn't eat, but I chugged my tea and kept my head down for a bit when I could and I was fine.  I mean, as fine as a woman can get this time of month....year.

I did get some good news today.....FINALLY!

The attorney's held a meeting with 3 of my co-workers at once.  They asked me to man the front while they met and then to come in afterward.  They met with one other co-worker after the 3 and before me.  Individually.  Then, they met with me...individually.  Before all of this happened, the receptionist had me fill out the firm's emergency information form.  I filled it out while the 3 were meeting with the attorney's and when the receptionist came back to her desk, I handed it to her and said, "Do you just want to shred this, 'cause I'm probably getting fired..." She just laughed and took it and did whatever it is she does with it.  Then the other co-worker was done and I was up.

They gave me a raise!

I'm going to get a .75 raise starting January 1 and they asked me to keep it confidential (except for all of you, of course!) because some others in the office weren't getting a raise that high.  I was ecstatic.  AND, they apologized for not trying harder to reach me the night before Christmas Eve to tell me not to come in to work.  AND they're giving me overtime for those 2.5 hours I did work!  Of course, yesterday remains unpaid, but I expected nothing! Hell, I expected to be fired!  I even joked with them about that and they said I'm doing a good job, or something along those lines.  I get flustered when people tell me good news so I can't really remember how they worded it.  I told them I was grateful to hear that because I need reassurance that I'm doing a good job.  One attorney said, "Well, I wanted to give you compliment after compliment after compliment but the other attorney told me not to...."  He's a kidder.

I'm really glad I went into the office today when all I wanted to do was lay on a towel, curled up into a ball.  Glad this is a short week.  What am I going to do when we finally have a regular week? Go insane....

"A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work." -John Lubbock

Isn't that the truth?

I've been monitoring all of the weather sites the past few days because we're in for a blizzard today (Monday).  Last night, the forecaster's were calling for 8-12" of snow, gusting winds up to 35 mph and cold, cold temps.  I've been fretting the last two days about whether or not to go into work.

I kind of feel like they owe me for going into work on Xmas Eve (for 2 whole hours; yeah, I'm sure they'll see it that way!) when they should have made more attempts to let me know We. Were. Closed.

So, part of me doesn't feel bad at all about not going in.....the anxious part of me, obviously, does feel bad.  And now the snowfall has dropped to maybe 7" in my hometown, still gusting winds and still freezing temps.  So while we're not getting a foot of snow, seven inches still isn't anything to laugh at.

I'm still anxious.

And while I've been not square for 10 days, it decides to begin again today.  So on top of my anxiety, I have horrible cramps.  I could call in sick to work but what difference would it make?  I didn't say why I wasn't coming in...they'll just assume it's because of the snow and I guess I have to be fine with that.

Plus, I didn't really want to go in to work on the first day crazy-lady is back at it, because I know she'll be....well....crazy.  Let her get her craziness out before I return, right?

Anyway, yesterday afternoon - after eating overloaded-plate-no.-3 in as many days, I was starting to feel icky.  Fat. Disgusting. Depressed. Seriously Anxious. I knew I had to get out of the house and move. Do something.  I texted my newly-sober-friend and convinced him to bundle up and go for a walk.

We drove to the little lake not far from home and trekked through a snow-filled forest.  It was beautiful.

And holy deer, batman!

There were more than this off to the left. The two herds joined up and took off together. It was the neatest thing to see and the cold air and beauty were exactly what I needed to rejuvenate myself.  

My hips hate me this morning, but what else is new? 

"It just isn't Christmas unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes."

Ahhhh, Christmas Day.

Since Mom & Dad had plans to flee South the day after Christmas, I hosted our family get-together so they wouldn't have to deal with the fuss and mess (and leftovers) of Christmas.

Dad dropped off their Christmas gifts early and Garfield promptly made herself at home.

Glad there was nothing breakable in that gift-wrapped-box!

I love hosting. I really, really do. However, I have four places to sit in my living room. Four. For nine people.  So I drug out every comfy chair and pillow (for the hardwood floor) I own and hauled everything downstairs.  Thankfully, I have a big enough dining room table (though an additional card table came in handy) to seat everyone, though, again, only 4 chairs.  So I hauled 4 more dining room chairs (from my grandmother's dining room table I'm using as a craft table upstairs) downstairs.  It was quite a workout bringing everything down and hauling it all back upstairs again!

But well worth it.

And the food! Oh, the food!  I'm surprised it all turned out as good as it did (if not hot enough, thank you 1970's oven).  Mom made the ham (thank goodness!) and I made stuffing, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes (ah, how I've missed you!), corn casserole and rolls.  I attempted homemade gravy, but it got dumped down the drain because it was nasty.  Nasty, nasty, nasty.  I had also made pretzel bites (w/ almond bark & M&M's) and my brother & his g'friend brought a pie and homemade fudge and more almond-bark-covered goodies.

I still haven't stopped eating and it's Monday.  That 120lbs I saw on Christmas Eve is long since past. Hello 125!  I have not missed you.

My nephew, Kyle, even showed up, filled his plate (actually I filled it for him so he was forced to eat it) and stayed to open presents.

Connor & Colin (brother's g'friend's kids)

Connor & Colin

Kyle (nephew), Charisma (g'friend's daughter), Misty (g'friend)

Mom & Kyle

Charisma & Brother

Charisma, Misty (g'friend)

It was a successful day for all. Even Garfield!

Garfield got the cutest stocking from my Aunt Hope but I took down all my Xmas decor the next day and forgot to take a picture of it before I boxed it up!

I got a surprise from Mom this Christmas:

A beautiful new quilt!

And many surprises from my Aunt Hope, including this little gem:

Can't wait to hang this on my cubicle wall @ work....if I still have a job, that is.

And bought a little something for myself:

It was a super sale, so I got it for about $200 less than it's normally priced.  Not bad!  And it fits!....though after eating like I have the past 3 days, everything's a bit snug.  

I also got my very own drill from Dad! Look out craft projects! Here I come! And snow boots (which were the right size but too tight...maybe my feet have swollen from all the food I'm eating?) and leg warmers (love!) and a plug-in-rechargeable-book-light from my brother (awesome!) and Cuddle-duds & socks...and, and, and so much more.  Merry Christmas to me! :)

It was a great day and now I know why Mom was always so tired (standing at a stove all morning, standing at the sink washing dishes the rest of the day, cleaning up afterward...I get it now....).  I wouldn't have changed a thing.

"I almost showed up to work today with a positive attitude, but sarcasm stepped in & saved the day."

Christmas Eve.

We were to work only a 1/2 day on Christmas Eve.  8:00AM-Noon.  The day before was such a f-ed up mess, I was looking forward to a 1/2 day but I was not looking forward to the crazy one returning to work after being on vacation for the previous 3 days.  I knew she was not going to be fun to be around because....well, does there need to be a reason?  And, we were to get some snow on Christmas Eve. Not much. Only 1 to 2 inches, but still. Snow. More. Freaking. Snow.

I'd gotten home late the night before (around 7:30) because of that damn torturous massage (see previous post) so I wasn't home when my employer called.  Why they didn't call my cell phone, I don't know.  When I saw they'd called, I wondered if they were calling to tell me...."You've got tomorrow off and don't bother coming in on Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday...or ever again because you're fired!"  Would they fire me on Christmas? Yeah, they probably would.

So on Thursday morning, I woke up early and seeing the weather, decided to get on the road early to beat the snowflakes....which I did...by about an hour.  I was in the office at 7:10am.  The receptionist showed up at 8, by which time the snow had already layered the streets and sidewalks.  We worked, quietly, until about 9 when I finally said, "You haven't heard from anybody? They could be in a ditch somewhere, but wouldn't they call?"  So she looked at her cell phone, which she never looks at, and says, "They texted me last night! We're closed!"

WTF.  Are you kidding me?

Now there's easily 2 inches of snow on the ground. Nothing has been plowed.  I'm stuck at work.

Fuck me.

I handled it reasonably well.  I laughed. I said Shit balls!  I called Dad and laughed. I emailed an attorney and said, "Glad I can laugh at this...". I told the receptionist to go home....that I would just work until the snow stopped to which she said, "Well, that's not fair..." and "It might not stop all day!" but what was I going to do? Drive home at the worst possible time?

Yep.

That's exactly what I did.  She left, I finished up what I was doing and then I called Mom to tell her if I wasn't home in an hour to send out the search party.

I made it home in 45 minutes. It was hell.  Hell!  I guarantee I had every damn farmer driving a 4-wheel drive truck cussing me out all the way from Atl to home.  I didn't care.  I drove 30 at most the entire way.  No way was I going to wreck my damn car because my employer couldn't figure out how to find my cell phone number to properly call me and tell me not to come into work.

I'm not laughing about it anymore.

It snowed 5 inches? More? It. Was. A. Lot.

And tomorrow (Monday), a blizzard is forecast with 8-10" of blowing snow.  Guess where I'll be?

"My massage therapist broke me."

Ahhhh, a massage.  Is there anything better? No, no there is not.  When what you're getting is actually a massage.

I got my haircut last Monday and with a stressful week looming, I decided to book a massage for Wednesday night after work.  My hairdresser told me it was a dude (fine) and that he used lots of pressure (not fine) but to just tell him if what he was doing hurt (no problemo).  I booked it & was excitedly looking forward to it.  (See my previous post about "my bed is killing me").

I went and I should have known up front (why do I never trust my first gut instinct?) that it wasn't going to be a good experience.  Good? I would have taken bad, trust me. This was torture.

Pretzels anyone?

He'd asked me a ton of questions, but when he asked me if I wanted him to work on my hip pain or to relax and I said "relax" he apparently didn't hear me. Or he did and disregarded what I'd said because he was stuck on hip pain.  *eye roll*

He told me to lay on the table with my clothes on (my work clothes because even though I'd brought leggings and a crappy shirt to change into AFTER the oily massage, I would never get to....) so I did, thinking he was just going to check things out before telling me to get undressed and lay flat on the table and he'd put on some Enya soothing music, turn the lights down, warm the joint up and rub his oily hands on me (sounds very sexual, doesn't it? It's not. It's really not)....but noooooooo.  He contorted my damn body into ways a body should never be contorted for an hour and a half.  I paid for an hour. It was supposed to only be an hour.  How, then, did the clock read six fifty-something when he was done?

Let me tell you.  I felt every damn second of that 90 minutes.  At one point, I was on my back and he had my feet up & over my head.  I remember it hurt my boobs.  Didn't do a damn thing for my hips, I can tell ya.

I will not be going back....and the next massage I book, I will triple-check to make sure it's an actual massage and not a torture chamber.

Why couldn't I get this?

"Dysania: that state of finding it hard to get out of bed in the morning."

And not for the reasons one would think: 1. It's cozy. 2. It's cold out. 3. Garfield is cuddling and doesn't need fed. 4. I don't have to go to work. 5. Some hot guy is in there w/ me. Hahahahahahahahaha.....

No, I can't get out of bed in the morning because my goddamn body hurts so freaking bad from laying in a goddamn sinking-in-the-middle bed!  Gah!

Every inch of me hurts, but what hurts the most is my right shoulder/back.  O.M.G. It hurts so bad, I cry out when I try to move first thing in the morning.

IT'S TIME FOR A NEW BED.

It's time for me to grow up, become an adult, and buy my FIRST bed.  At 40.  That just seems so wrong.

Do you know how complicated buying a new bed has become? Holy smokes! There are way too many options out there.  Do I want memory foam? But I can't be hot in bed, ba-dum-dum.  Do I want latex? Innerspring? Air? Water? Coils? Do I want plush? Soft? Firm? Medium firm? Do I want to stay with a full-size or upgrade to a queen? If I upgrade, then I have to buy all new sheets, flannel sheets, mattress pads, more pillows...the list goes on & on.

So I've at least made that decision.  Full size it is.  I still want to be able to reach across the bed to the other night stand.  I need two night stands. And I have to be able to reach them simultaneously.   I could be smoking, answering my phone and need to blow my nose at the same time, so....there you have it. Full it is. And really, why would I need a queen? For the 100's of men lining the sidewalk outside my house to sleep with me? I think not.

I still want a new bed....don't get me wrong. Mine has pissed me off for the last 36 years.  Long enough.  It's time to be my guest-bedroom-bed so it can piss off my guests.  I'm ready to buy a new bed. And a new mattress.

Why do most beds have footboards now? So annoying... 

I figure it's an all-day ordeal so it'll be awhile before I can get to NFM and pick it out and have it delivered to my home....but oh, that day is going to be a joyous occasion.

Hopefully, after not going into work tomorrow because of the giant blizzard coming our way, I still have a job to pay for this new bed.....Because I'm starting to think my couch is more comfortable.

"Well...sometimes I have the feeling I can do crystal meth, but then I think Mmm...better not." -Fat Amy, Pitch Perfect

I'm starting to get depressed & anxious, so I figured "Blog!" Aren't you lucky?

Last weekend (Friday), my newly-sober friend & I got together and watched movies (The Gift (surprisingly good) and Selfless (not surprisingly good...helllllllo, Ryan Reyenolds!)) and ate pizza.  I ate pizza for the next 3 days, I think, because I was adamant about getting my own pizza just for me so I wouldn't have to cook all weekend.  *eye roll*  It's like I'm trying to get fat.

Friday's are difficult for my friend.  I think the bar actually calls him.  That seems like an alcoholic joke I would say, but no, really, the bar actually calls him.  "Hello? How are you? It's so typical of me to talk about myself I'm sorry...."  That was always a sign for me that I needed to find a new place.  I didn't ever like feeling like Norm from Cheers - NORM!  Once the bartender knew my name (& remembered it), I'd want to find a new place because that usually meant I'd made an ass of myself....thus the remembering...

We had a good time last Friday, though I could barely keep my eyes open after 9PM.  What's that about? When I'm alone, cuddled up in my nice warm bed, I have no problem staying awake...but put me on the couch, under an electric blanket with company over? I'm out like a light.  So sad.

And then! Oh, and then!

The whole family got together in M'town. It was a Festivus miracle!  All of us together for an unplanned holiday trip?!? Wonderful!

Mia & me

Mia, Scooter & me (I couldn't get off the floor after this...)

I'm not much for kids, as you well know, but this cute little stinker has stolen my damn heart. She's so freaking adorable!  

We had a blast in M'town (as usual) and of course we played Spoons, though I lost, yet again, to my cousin's daughter who has freakishly long arms.  I didn't care. I'd had my laugh for the day when my cousin Sarah (who was proxy for my cousin Emily w/ the baby) stopped the game mid-card-swap and said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa...why are the spoons so messed up? Here, let me fix them.  Ok, resume game.." and as soon as she said that, we all grabbed a spoon and she didn't and she was out.  I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long time.  Belly laughed. Tears rolling down my face.  And even earlier in the day, my Aunt Bev, staring right at my brother Ben, yelled out (b/c you have to yell to be heard), "Where's Ben?"  I laughed so hard, I had to spit my drink out into the sink.  Oh god, it still cracks me up.  

So. Much. Fun.

And then Sunday....I recuperated.

"Writer's block is not the problem. The problem is not writing."

I really do have a lot to write about. I have a whole week of activity to share with you. Some nice, some angry, some hurt, some disgusted, some hysterical, some fun, some scary, some lovely, some tiring.

And I want to share with you. I do!

Just the thought of sitting at my computer hurts. Physically hurts. I think my bed is killing me. And looking at all that I have to (want to, need to) write is daunting.

I really just want to relax. Seriously relax. Become jello and unable to move with all the thoughts in my head that jello has.....none.

So that's what I'm going to do and you're probably happy for the break......

"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, but I am telling you it will be worth it."

I have so stinking much to write about, but after the snow-filled morning I've had and the rest of the time in the kitchen preparing for tomorrow's meal, it's nap time, dammit.

But, oh! I just have to tell you the good news!  The GREAT news!

You read that right - 120lbs!!!! 

Can you believe it?!?!?  I absolutely cannot.  In fact, I pulled the scale out to make sure it was set at zero to begin with and then weighed myself again!  How is this possible, I ask you?  I've eaten pretty crappy since last Friday night when I ordered a Casey's pizza (part of what I need to write about)....and then Saturday, Thanxmas with the M'town family (another part of what I need to write)...and then more pizza (leftover) and of course, I had to finish off the Large bag of peanut butter M&M's.  So...... how?  I did get a massage last night (more to come on that, I can assure you...) so maybe he adjusted things and stretched me out and made me taller so my weight is more evenly distributed.  That doesn't even make sense, does it? The scale doesn't lie and doesn't care how tall you are.....

Whatever! I don't care how!  I've reached my goal weight!  I can do it! It is possible!

It's a Festivus miracle!

"Pilates? Oh, heavens, no. I thought you said 'Pie and Lattes'."

It's the jury's chance on Survivor to question the 3 potential winners and I hate that part of the show because it creates way too much anxiety within me, so lucky you!  You get this...

*sigh* Why is it when I'm doing good, good, good, I want to be bad, bad, bad?  What is that about?!? If I'm trying to sabotage myself, it's so deep inside my subconscious, I am totally and completely unaware of that desire to make myself fail.  How is that possible?  HOW?

I'm so damn close to 120 lbs, I'm literally ounces away.  Remember when I said "I'll just be happy to get to 130lbs! I can't even imagine..."  and now I tell myself, "Just get to 120 lbs and then you'll finally achieve what you wanted...."  I mean, I can finally fit into MY clothes. My own clothes. I've worn pants the last two weeks that I haven't been able to wear for over a year.  That felt fantastic! And I love how I look....finally (& as much as I can, anyway)....and so today I went out & bought 5 individual packets of Peanut Butter M&M's.  Damn you peanut butter & chocolate. Why do you taste so damn good together?  And what did I eat tonight for dinner?  A cup of Chex Mix and one baggy of PB M&M's.  Nothing else. Nothing else even sounds good!  I have 4 more bags of M&M's and I'm seriously considering eating all of them at once!

Where has my willpower gone?!? Poof! It's gone.....

*sigh*

I don't even want to eat anything else.  I have beef stew sitting in my fridge and it does not even appeal to me.  Blech.  Give me chocolate & peanut butter! NOW!

And I've noticed, the last couple of weeks, on my really good days @ work, I'm not necessarily craving alcohol, but if it were anywhere in my vicinity, I seriously question my ability to refrain.  And so I avoid, avoid, avoid.  I remind myself, "Play that tape through....where will you end up? what will happen? what will you lose? how will you feel?"  All really piss poor.

But ugh....what is that about???

Survivor finale is finally on and I'm about ready to throw up (probably from the Chex Mix & M&M's).  I should really just go to sleep.....

"I know the Bible talks about forgiveness and all but I'm pretty sure Jesus would hold my purse while I kicked your ass."

O.M.G. Debbie Downer be ruinin' my day!

Geesch!  

It's not even "shut up"....it's "take your shitty, grumpy, down-trodden attitude where I can't see it!"

Ugh, I hate working with women. 

And if I don't get sick from whatever crud so&so has that she's spreading around to all of us since last week, it'll be friggin' amazing.  I'm chugging an Airborn right now because I feel a little soreness in my throat and I'll be damned if I'm going to get her shit after washing my hands 100 times a day and following up with antibacterial gel and trying not to breathe her air for the last week! 

Where's my Haz-Mat suit?

*sigh*

She's been sick since last week. She stayed home last Thursday & Friday but returned to work yesterday and has been moaning, hacking and being a downright Debbie Downer the last two days.  It's draining being around a person like that.  I mean, I get it. She's sick.  She can't miss a week of work.  But geesch. Perk up!

Maybe I should get her this...

I have a feeling she'd throw it at my head....

It's good to be home.....

"I want to thank everyone who brings healthy treats to a Christmas party. Those extra 5 minutes in a nursing home are sure to be heavenly." -Maxine

I don't really know what to write about but it's Monday and while my dinner is ready to eat, I'm not yet hungry so it can simmer in the slow cooker for awhile longer while I bore you to death with my ramblings....

Today was the office Christmas party.  I don't know. To me, an office party should be about all of us getting together, eating, having fun, not talking about work....it should be a time for all of us to relax and get to know each other outside of the office.  It should be fun.  This was.....interesting.  It was nice. The food was good (catered in) but the atmosphere was stiff (it was held at a very nice attorney's house) and awkward.  But it got me away from the office for 2 hours so there's that.

It snowed like a mofo this morning but the forecaster's the night before said, "Oh it'll all be rain. Nothing will stick to the roads because they're so warm."  What a bunch of asshats!  Holy moley.  I drove out to the highway, saw that it was a flippin' mess and turned right back around....to let Dad drive me to work, lol.  My first option couldn't because school was cancelled, like everything should have been, so Dad offered and I accepted.

It. Was. Treacherous.

I am so glad Dad was driving, but even so....I was anxious, tense, nauseated...I couldn't hardly watch the road but I had to for fear we'd spin out or someone would hit us and I wouldn't see it coming. Apparently, I want to see tragedy when it happens.  Dad's an expert driver, though, and while it was incredibly, ridiculously difficult (thank you Cass County for doing such a superb job plowing the highway this morning....NOT!) he made it just fine.  And as soon as we pulled into town, we heard on the radio the highway we'd just driven in on was closed.  No shit Sherlock!  Because your damn plow trucks haven't even made one pass yet this morning!  Geesch. Idiots.  Poor Dad was stuck at McDonald's for a bit drinking his coffee until the road re-opened.  Poor guy.

But poor me, too, because being car-less meant 1. I wasn't comfortable sneaking outside on my break to smoke a cigarette in the parking lot in full view for all to see and 2. I had to snag a ride to the office Christmas party (so, again, no smoking).  It's truly amazing I didn't kill anybody today.  I wonder if they all know how close each of them came to grim death....

I'm surprised at how o.k. I was without a cigarette for hours.  I snuck one at around 11:00 but after that, until 5:00PM, nothing.  Amazing.  I, of course, lit up immediately after getting into Dad's car for the ride home, which was much, much smoother.

All in all, it was a good day at work and I'm glad Dad made the treacherous drive to get me there! It's such a nice place to work when everyone is in a good mood (with the exception of one...there's always one, isn't there?)


I'm getting too cold to sit and type at the computer any more tonight, but if I'm not too worn out tomorrow, there's more to come.  'Cause this shit was boring as hell.....even to write!

The reason cats climb is so that they can look down on almost every other animal — it's also the reason they hate birds. ~K.C. Buffington

My patience is wearing thin....

I was in my bedroom and heard a clunk and searched the house high & low for Garfield. Apparently I didn't search high enough because she scared the shit out of me.

She's acting all high & mighty.

"I'm not really a social drinker. I'd say most of my drinking is work related."

Now I remember why I drank!  If I still did, tonight would be a major guzzler.  I couldn't even stop to drop something off at my parent's house tonight on the way home because I just don't have the patience for anything; I used up all my patience today at the office!

I remember when I first started working at the church, I called Mom to complain about the mean, weird, crazy people and she said, "You have to think of it like a small town (the church was 1000 members at that time) - 1/4 of the population is crazy."

I wonder what she'd say about these whacked out people?  Is there ever a case where 95% (I'm the 5% who isn't crazy....yet) of the population is whacked out of their minds? Because this place is it. They've broken some kind of record with their shittiness.

Today, we all walked into an office in disarray because Thursday, we all hauled our stuff (files, computers, etc) to another room so the guy could move our desks and cubicles so the carpet layers could come in on Friday/Saturday to lay the new carpet.  So this morning was spent unraveling cords, finding where we plugged everything in at and hoping that it all still worked.  For the most part, it did.

However, one person in the office took it upon herself to tell the guy who moved the cubicles/desks NOT to put back a cubicle wall where one had always been.  When the person who that effected came into the office this morning and saw it wasn't there....well, you can imagine.  Or maybe not. Imagine two toddlers throwing hissy fits because that's exactly what happened.  And there's little 'ol me, on my knees, hiding under my desk so no projectiles would hit me, right in the middle of the two children throwing their fits.  One of them actually said, "Everybody here just needs to calm down...my 2 year old behaves better!"  to which I thought, "Really? You're both behaving like 12-year old girls - both of you!"  Not that I said that...or anything...because who wants to get in the middle of that? Not me!

And the boss' are no better!  They're like petulant (unreasonably irritable or ill-tempered) little children. They're not-at-all pleasant to work for and they do absolutely nothing to quash what's going on in the office.  These people have not a clue.  And the staff have all been there so long, I don't think they know any other way to behave.  Certainly, nobody's told them to change.  Ever.  And I know why they all hang on and don't leave...it's the only job to be had in that small town.  And that's why I'll stay and that's why I'll struggle not to drown my "these-bitches-be-crazy"-days in alcohol.

*sigh*

"Help them forgive and forget...."

Today is this BIG girl's birthday!

And how do we celebrate a cat's birthday?  With all the things she loves...

A box and fake mice to lose down the heating vents, along with, of course, her favorite treat - Temptations.  Have you seen their new commercial? HILARIOUS!  There are 3 or 4 Elvis' in this commercial so I grieve a little bit every time I see it, but still....really funny.

Temptations "Sorry" Commercial

Garfield's gone through a lot this last year: Moving into my smoke-filled home with Elvis and me.  Bullying her way into all of Elvis' spots. Cursing Elvis with blindness and then death.  And finally, taking over my home all for herself. I'd say she's had a pret-ty successful year, lol!

She's a fantastic cat and I'm lucky to have her.

Yesterday I did all of my Christmas shopping. Whew! It feels good to 1. be able to shop without massive guilt about spending my parent's money and 2. getting it all done!  By the end of my shopping spree (I was done by Noon), I could barely walk, my hips hurt so bad and then, after I got home and took a much-needed-nap, I couldn't move my body. *head shake* This getting-old-thing is not for the weak!

Oh! and I found these yesterday:

Finally!!  An actual pair of WOMEN'S boxer briefs! Made for WOMEN!  Oh the bliss! And a little bit pissed off that I didn't make millions with my idea before Hanes could beat me to it. Found these at Target. Am going to search harder and push for the Atl. Walmart to carry them.  I only bought one pair because I wanted to make sure they would be worth it. Now I want to throw all my other underwear way and just have these!  I have a lot of underwear. It's like I'm afraid to throw any of them away because you never know when you're going to need 30 pairs of underwear.


I went to my old Friday morning AA meeting in the Big O yesterday morning. Driving over there, I realized how long it had been since I'd attended that particular meeting. I want to say it was before I even moved, which was 2.5 years ago, so quite awhile.  The old stand-by's were all there and it took them a second to recognize me (not that I've changed at all...just a little bit older and a little bit pudgier!) and then it was like I'd never been gone.  Man, I love those people and I love that I can always count on those meetings and those people to always be there. I mean, sure, some die, some move, some fall off, but for the most part, I know I can count on them.  And what a great way to start your day....Yesterday was a very good day.


This morning, I had 3 text messages on my phone from overnight. I hadn't heard a thing (maybe b/c I'd put my phone on vibrate and forgot to take it off...).  They were all from my friend who is going through the divorce.  I don't even know what the texts said.  It seemed as if he was carrying on a conversation I didn't remember starting. So, payback's a bitch and I texted him at 6:30 this morning with: "Were you drunk texting me last night? No good decisions are made after Midnight, but here's my input: STOP DRINKING and your life will get so much better."  Around Noon, he responded with "I've thought about it but that would slow down my complete and total meltdown."  I "lol'd" and said, "Well, you haven't passed out in a gutter yet and aren't within seconds of freezing to death, so yeah, you're right. You've got time."  To which I followed up with "Oh, no, wait - you don't have time.  Unless you wanted to get divorced and arrested?"

How was I ever so deluded that I thought drinking wasn't a problem?  And thank the FSM, I realize it now. Play the tape through...how's it going to end? The same way it always does...miserable.  Maybe my sobriety will help my friend....or maybe it won't....but I'll still be sober.


I made Chex Mix last night so I'm going to go devour a tub of that & cuddle with the birthday girl and give my thanks to the FSM that I'm here today.

"Whoever came up with the phrase 'the freaks come out at night' has clearly never been to Walmart during the day."

I'm fed up with snow and it's only December 2nd!  WTF?!?  It has rained, sleeted (is it sleeted or slet or something else entirely?), freezing rained, snowed every damn morning this week!  GARG! At least tomorrow is supposed to be decent (supposedly....).

Follow this bunny trail:

Today at work, a couple of co-workers were chatting about hard-candies. They were right next to me so I couldn't help overhearing.  Yes, this is the type of conversation that goes on.  Hard Candies. I love them! Blech, I can't stand them! So I piped in with my hilariously funny story about how I almost choked to death on a butterscotch candy when I was a kid, sliding in my stockinged feet across the linoleum kitchen floor. I choke. Mom screams for Dad who had just gone downstairs to the basement. He comes racing up and whacks me a couple of times on my back. Out pops a perfectly good (now ruined forever) butterscotch candy.  Hilarity for all.  Then I said, "Well, you know I'm single and my cat can't do the Heimlich so I've googled how to save myself if I'm choking because I'm pretty sure I'd be laying for dead for days, DAYS, because who checks on me? And by that time, Garfield will have eaten my face...."  I'm a crack up, I tell ya. And one of the women says, "So that's why you're always happy! You're single!"

Happy? Me? Who the f- is she talking about? Surely not me? Happy? Could it be? Could it possibly be?

I've either really got these people snowed or maybe...just maybe...I am actually happy.

Huh. Something to ponder, though I had a Buddhist professor tell me that the moment you realize you're happy, the feeling disappears, so let's not ponder it too much.


I do have Friday off from work because we're remodeling and the carpet-layers (not to be confused with the carpetbaggers) will be in Friday & Saturday to lay the new carpet. And the man who is moving all of our desks and cubical walls and copiers, etc, etc, etc, will be in tomorrow evening so we're closing at 4 so all of us women-folk can clear off our desks, box up all our stuff and move the computers to another room in order to make it easier for him to move the "big" stuff.  And one of my co-workers actually said today (and not the only one) "I don't want to move my computer...I thought someone would be doing that for me..."  Ummmm, seriously? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

*eye roll* I'll move your damn computer for you. Geez. These people lack compassion. They could care less about helping their fellow man. Like that guy wants to come in tomorrow night and have to disassemble all of our shit that we're fully capable of doing ourselves and then move the big stuff? Come on. Help a guy out! O.M.G.


I had a thought today on the way home from Walmart...which...funny story.  I turned into the shampoo aisle and two young chicks (maybe 20) were standing in the middle of the aisle (because people are inconsiderate assholes and like to be asked to move every 2 seconds).  So I said, "Excuse me" to get by and one of the chicks whips her baseball cap off her frizzy head and asks me, "Do you know what shampoo to use on frizzy hair?"

Lol, are you looking at me? Do you see my hair? Have I suddenly sprouted long hair that would be frizzy if I didn't have the magical product that I certainly would find at Walmart? OR do I look like I work here? Do all Walmart employees wear their coats, push a cart around and drop random shit into it? Maybe. Just maybe.

So I said, "Well, I don't know. I've got short hair (because she obviously couldn't see that) and straight (again, is she blind?) so I'm not sure.  You want moisture. I know that." And then I go back to pondering which shampoo to buy for myself because I wanted something new. Why, tonight of all nights, do I need to try something new? Grab your regular shampoo and run! Run like the wind! Get away from the crazies!

But I didn't.  I stood there, in a stupor, and she says to me, "What about Pantene? Is that good?"  So I say, "Well, their commercials certainly show great hair! Sure, try that!"  And then she asks, "Or Loreal?" To which I say, "Loreal's kind of expensive, isn't it?" I grabbed my shit & ran. I'm not even sure what shampoo I bought. Probably something for men.

And then I saw her two more times while I was getting food and every time I saw her she asked me an asinine question - Where are the bags of lettuce? Seriously, girly, I do not work here. I might look like I should be working here, but I don't.

WTF? People are whack.

And the thought I had on the way home from work was............

I have no idea because it fled my mind as soon as I pulled into my garage. It was good, too.  A really deep thought about something important.  I'll remember tonight as I'm falling asleep but I'll forget it again by tomorrow morning.

*sigh* It sucks to get old.

"Apart from the overwhelming anxiety and debilitating panic attacks, I think I'm pretty well adjusted."

I can honestly say....I have not missed anxiety.

I experienced it this morning like before - wave after wave of panic, never ceasing, constant. Upset stomach. Fear. Shame. Disgust.

I really wished I'd had some Xanax. I think it would have helped tremendously. Instead, I just kept breathing and moving. Once I get out the door, I'm generally o.k. I mean, I'm as o.k. as I'm ever going to get.

I went into work at 7 this morning because 1. I knew I'd have a shitload of work to do and 2. I wanted to be at my desk before anybody else showed up.

On the way to work, I had the thought, "I bet nobody even says anything to me about missing work yesterday because this office is so.freaking.weird."  And I was right. The only comment I got was from an attorney, during a will signing, with clients in the room.  He just said, "You got it worse than we did, didn't you?"  Yep, yes I did.  I had noticed on my drive in that Atl looked like nothing had even happened - no snow, hardly wet streets. They got mostly rain. I got rain, sleet, ice, and snow. 15 miles away. So weird.

And I was right- I did have a shitload of work to do. I looked at all the emails I received the day before and the stacks of files waiting for me and thought, "There is no way in freaking hell I'm going to get all this done today!"  I was done by 3:30.  I can't promise everything was done correctly, but it got done!

And the HR chick told me to use my 2.75 hours of "probation" sick time for yesterday (nice of her!) and she paid me $40.00 for November's mail run (Another co-worker and I swap month to month) and her comment was, "I thought this would be nice timing..." when she handed me the check. I thanked her profusely.

So it was like I didn't even miss.

But I don't want to miss again. It causes me too much anxiety and stress and fear.  I don't like feeling that way. I'd rather be at work, stressing over actual work, than sitting at home stressing over my fear. Though, we'll see how I handle the next winter storm that blows our way.  Luckily, I think we have a couple of weeks of mild weather.  I never thought I'd say this - ever - but maybe...just maybe....I'm starting to not like winter so much.  Is there a place in the world that's cold all the time but doesn't ice or snow? I need to move there.


When I got my mail tonight, there was something from the federal government's Office of Personnel Management. Apparently my information (when I had the background check done when I worked at the U.S. Attorney's Office in 2000 - only 15 years ago!)....my information was stolen.  So the fed's are giving those of us whose identity was compromised free credit & identity security services.  I went to the website and saw that they wanted me to "register", which means giving them your DOB, social security number, etc, etc, etc (so if someone didn't have that information already....here ya go!) so I called Mom to see if she'd seen anything on the news about this...while in the background, I googled it.  She hadn't, but I found a bunch of news stories and stuff about it, so I assume it's legit.  I registered. We'll see if some other "Me" is walking around tomorrow buying all kinds of crazy shit.  Good luck with that.


On a happy note, I found out today the office is closed on Friday because we're getting new carpet.  We have to clean off our desks, unplug our computers and move them Thursday night so the guys coming in that evening to move our desks and cubicle walls won't have so much hassle (and won't break anything).  I'm thrilled!  I'm planning on going to my Friday 7am AA meeting and then Christmas shopping....so get your lists in now, lol! When the weather's nice, a person has to take advantage of it!

"Be prepared for winter driving hazards. Namely me!" -Maxine

Yep.

I hate days like this. I get so indecisive and I don't do well when I'm indecisive. I'm fine as long as I know exactly what I'm going to do. If it's up in the air, forget it. I don't want to play anymore.

I had it all worked out yesterday- I was going to hitch a ride to work with my friend, Shan, who drives her kids to the same town for school every day.  However, and I had planned for this, they're delayed 2 hours. My plan requires my parents to answer their damn phone. Which they haven't. All morning. Do you know what that says to me? "Fend for yourself, girly!"....or they're in a ditch themselves somewhere (I'm sure not.)

I guess fending for myself is the right answer. I mean, they're not going to be around most of the winter so I better figure out what I'm going to do with no backup to my backup.

I stayed home.

That's my answer. And I don't like it. At.All. I'm not getting paid. All those gossipy women are probably ripping on me right now because (presumably) they all made it into the office. However, they're not me and I'm not them. They don't know that I struggled to drive for almost 2 years. They don't know that my anxiety level is at its max and my whole body trembles when I try to drive in this shit.

Waaa-waaaa- call a waaaaaambulance!

I go back and forth. Part of me says to suck it up and try. Just try! And I did. I drove a two-square-block-radius and came right back home, lol. I'm not much for "trying". I do. Or I don't. And right now, I don't.

The other part of me says, It's not worth it. It's not worth wrecking your car. It's not worth getting injured. $10.50/hour isn't worth it.

But it is! It is! It took so long to find this job and while they're more than likely never going to fire me, I hate being "that" person.

I really hate me right now. I am not in a good mood and Garfield keeps trying to cuddle and I keep telling her, "today is not your day" but she doesn't understand English so she keeps trying and that continues to annoy me and GGGAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH! I should just go back to bed.

Linus Van Pelt: "Charlie Brown, you're the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest."

Another successful year!

And to all our delight, the gooseman (the man that brings geese dressed up in winter attire....we're real original with names around here) brought his pet SKUNK.  You heard right, folks. S-k-u-n-k.

It's in his overalls. And yes, that's Mickey hanging from the dude's belt. Seriously.

You can kind of see its tail on the gooseman's left side..sticking out from inside his overalls.

I can't make this shit up.  I said to Santa & Mrs. Claus, "If I get sprayed, this will be the last time I volunteer!"  It was de-sprayed, or whatever they call it.  That guy is short a few marbles.

I took lots more pictures of screaming kids this year, but I just told the parents, "It's a classic!"  Like I'm going to sit there cajoling your screaming child into smiling? Nope. You get what you get and you don't throw a fit (like your kid did 2 seconds ago...)  It was a delightfully fun day, but I'm glad it's over and I can eat lunch and take a nap and not have to talk to anybody (or smile - man, my face hurts...) for the rest of the day!

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree!

I couldn't take a picture from the sidewalk because my steps & sidewalk are a sheet of ice, but I'm sure it looks cute! Thanks Dad!

Yesterday's impromptu Thanksgiving was good, though....can I call it good when I lost at Spoons to my brother & his g'friend? I think not. So it was horrible! It was a horrible day! JK....

We had plenty of food- I slow-cooked a pork butt roast (is it really pork BUTT?), Mom made her O.M.G.-so-delicious-sweet-potatoes and a pumpkin pie and Chex-mix to snack on while we played cards. Brother & his g'friend brought a made-with-love Edwards pie (so.damn.good.).  And a long winter's nap to follow. I listened to ice pinging my windowpanes all night and fretted over the flickering lights and while we did lose cable service of local news channels (boy, that change-over to digital was a brilliant move...BRILLIANT!), I did not lose total power. 

And Garfield's a traitor:

Garfield & Mom

All you need to win Garfield's love is an electric blanket.  I guess it's a bit cold in my house.  I like it that way! She just needs to acclimate.

I'm not going anywhere today - the morning has been spent decorating the pallet-tree and doing laundry nonstop but from here on out, I'm under the electric blanket, cuddling with Garfield, and waiting for Iowa to beat Nebraska this afternoon.  What a perfect day!

Did I say I love winter? *sigh*

I do. I still do. Even though winter has killed my Thanksgiving, I still love it. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. There won't be any funny posts about the hilarious goings-on at my regular family Thanksgiving because of stupid winter storm Cara. What a bitch.

Today was another incredibly busy day.  I didn't even get a chance to eat lunch.  I barely took a break (except I do the mail run in the morning and afternoon, so I'm ensured at least 2 cigarettes a day so I didn't break anybody's neck today due to lack of nicotine...) And even as busy as the day was, it was pleasant! There were only 3 of us there today and nobody was bitchy, whiny, yelling, cranky, grumbly, pick your shitty-attitude-adjective. It was so nice!  I would much rather be as busy as I was today rather than sitting there twiddling my thumbs, but I am damn happy I get the next 4 days off.

Since T'giving was ruined and I didn't eat lunch today, I stopped at Taco Bell and loaded up on my favorite meal (A # 6 please with a side of pintos & cheese, please!).  I figure if I can't pig out on mashed potatoes, stuffing, turkey, ham, and all the other glorious carb-loaded-foods that come with T'giving, I'm going to do it tonight, dammit!  Bliss.  My parents and brother/girlfriend might come over tomorrow to eat around 11 (I have a 4lb pork roast in my freezer...speaking of which, thaw-time!), but it won't be the same as being in M'town, listening to all their funny stories, playing Spoons or whatever other game we have on hand, laughing so much that my face hurts by the time we leave....I'll miss it, but it's ok.  I'd rather be in my nice warm home than in a ditch freezing my ass off.

A friend of mine is getting a divorce.  He & I were friends in high school and for awhile after but he got hitched and out of respect (or some such bullshit) for his wife, I stepped away from our friendship.  Single woman. Good friends with a man. Jealous wife. Even though I had no intention of ever starting anything with my friend, I understood where she was coming from.  I get it. Single women are threatening when you're insecure in yourself and your marriage.  Understandable.  But now he's getting a divorce so I texted him last night and said, "Sorry to hear about your marriage. I'm sure it sucks.  But do you remember a pact we had wherein if I wasn't married @ 40, we'd get hitched? Guess who's single & 40? ME!"  And then I blathered on about how I was kidding, who'd want to get married, Blech!  We chatted for a bit via text and then I told him to leave me the fuck alone so I could get my beauty sleep, lol.  It'll be nice to have my friend back in my life. Whoo boy, we had so much fun together.  It'll be weird to have a friendship with him sober, but that's what it's going to be. He'll just have to get used to this new Me.

And on another happy note....

They say Jesus was a carpenter. I'm not sure he even existed, but I know my Dad does and he is!

Dad's been a busy little beaver!  He got a bunch of pallets from a guy in town and has been building trees!  I just forwarded pictures of the 3 he did for his house from my phone to my email so hopefully that works and I can post them because they're beautiful! Perfect! So cute!  And look at this one! Just for little 'ol me!  It doesn't even need paint, but you know me and paint...I just can't help myself.  And now since I'll have most of tomorrow free, listening to the ice pinging my windows and probably losing power, I can spend that free time painting!

*sigh* I'm going to miss Thanksgiving.

No pictures have arrived to my email yet....check back for an update.

"The more women in the workplace, the less drama you'll have.....said no one ever."

I think I need to slip some Xanax into the coffee and the Culligan water cooler tomorrow.

O.M.G. Can you believe how nuts these women are?

I'm amazed on a daily basis that I'm really, no kidding, no bullshitting, no fooling, not the crazy one in the office.  It's a good thing there's a cubicle wall that I face when I'm on my computer because I'm positive some of the faces I make when I think no one is looking are pretty dramatic and offensive, but I have no other outlet. I have to smile. I have to stay in a good, positive, helpful mood. I have to be patient. I have to be kind and nice. I can't (& refuse to) go around bitching about these damn moody women.

Take a chill pill! It's called XANAX! Trust me, your doctor will gladly prescribe some to you!

At least today I got a bit of vindication when the crazy one was hollering into her phone at a man and he said to her, "Why are you so mean?" or something along those lines.  She got off the phone and asked, "Was I mean?"  I listened to my more rational side (the one that wants to stay alive) and did not tell her that she does sound angry & crazy....a lot.  She's a loose cannon waiting to blow up.

But she's not the only moody one in the office. Ooooh boy. I just shake my head all day long and think to myself, "these bitches be crazy!"  Who wants to walk around like that all their life? Not me. No. Thank. You. I like being this even-keeled person. Makes me feel high & mighty around the loony tunes.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow when 2 women will be gone from the office so things should be much calmer...and then I get 4 days away from crazy-town. Ahhh, bliss.