*eye roll*
I don't know if I'm a witch or not, but I am learning and practicing Wicca (witchcraft) and finding it to be very conducive to my beliefs and actions. It's all about communion with nature, not bowing down to the God & Goddess but opening up my arms to them, not worshiping them but being in communion with them. I like that. I like the ritual of it. I like the spells and the candles and the thought behind it all. I like that there is no organization of it. I like that a person can practice it solitary or in a coven. I like that my life is my responsibility. It isn't fate. It isn't "God". It isn't "God's" plan. I like that there is a feminine and a masculine and both are equal. Women aren't subservient. We don't "obey". We are together.
Do I believe that there is an actual "God" and "Goddess"? Um, no. Of course not. I do believe that everything is energy. When I die, I don't go to some great heaven. I die, am buried, and return to the earth. My energy is worm food, soil nutrients, etc. In that sense, we all continue on, just in a different form. Energy I can understand. Heaven I cannot.
So I don't believe when I invoke the God and Goddess, I'm actually invoking the Horned God and Isis or whatever you want to call them. Those are the names I use, but I could just as easily say Paul and Susan. It doesn't matter. They're simply symbols. I invoke the four elements: earth, air, fire and water. Do I believe these "forces" attend my ritual? I didn't, but......
I've performed a couple of prosperity spells, created a prosperity charm over the last couple of weeks. I'm job hunting. Every little bit helps, right? Today, before the meeting, I got my mail and had only 2 pieces, neither of which were junk, and that's the first miracle.
The second? They were both about money. One was DHS telling me I still have over $200.00 to spend by November of 2018. The other was a $10.00 gift card from a raffle I enter every time I go to therapy.
I didn't think much of either of these things, except, "Oh, nice" until I got home and it struck me. Holy shitballs, did this shit actually fucking work? Did I somehow put forth that energy and it came back to me?
I don't know, but I ran upstairs, invoked everything, thanked everyone and everything for the blessing and felt better for it.
But here's the bigger miracle.
A friend of mine is going through something pretty tough and she's in a place of anger (which means HURT) and she was dealing with something that I knew was going to be tough for her this evening.
So I cleansed myself, prepared myself and my space for a healing spell, invoked all the powers that be and went about the ceremony.
"Wrap (name) in cotton,
bind her in love,
protection from pain
surround like a glove.
Brightest of blessings
surround her this night
for she is cared for,
healing thoughts sent in flight."
Over and over and over, turning over my entire concentration to the chant and her face and where she is and sending the love to her. Over and over and over again and again and again.
And it struck me. I finally understand prayer. Or at least, I understand it for me.
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| Not really. |
I've always thought prayer was stupid. Just call it what it is. Talking to yourself. That's all it is. You're not actually talking to God. But what you are doing is focusing your thoughts and energy on a person or thing. I'm all for that. I don't and haven't said, "I'll pray for you". What a lame fucking thing to say to a person. Sooooo, you're basically just thinking about me. Ok. How about you comfort me, lend me a shoulder to cry on, listen to me, help me in some tangible way? Please don't ever say to me "I'll pray for you" and then I never see or hear from you again. None of you do this, by the way. You might pray for me, sure, but you also call me, talk to me, listen to me, perform acts of service, etc, etc, etc. Thank you for all of that.
Anywhoo, I got off on a tangent.
During my chanting, I realized what prayer is (for me). It's getting me out of me. It's focusing my attention not on me but on someone or something else. My attention is almost exclusively on me almost all of the time. So if something can take me out of myself for even 30 minutes a day, to focus my intention on someone else and not just Amy Amy Amy, that's prayer to me.
My da would be proud.
