"Shoplifters will be beaten to death."

I'm going to take my chances. Sorry Dad!

I stole the table. 

OK, let me explain.

This all started because our weather got nice early. Dad then FB'd me to ask if I'd mow while they're away. The next time I was at their house I figured I might as well get the mower prepped & ready (it was buried...behind a snowblower, Dad's truck, pallets and under a table - yes, a table was set on top of the mower). Then, days, even weeks, later, I started thinking what a pain in the ass it is for me to put on my makeup (when I even bother). I had been sitting on the floor - on a big pillow Mom had made, actually - in front of a mirror in my bedroom, between Elvis' food & water dishes & my TV stand. Not a lot of room to maneuver. And this fat ass shouldn't be sitting on the floor....ever. So then I started thinking I should, at the very least, move my "makeup station" to my closet so I'd have more room. So I did. And then I started thinking, I wonder if that table that was on top of the mower is big enough to hold my mirror and makeup and tall enough for a stool?

So, yes, I stole it.

I figured I'd just see if it'd work. If it didn't, I could take it back without doing any damage (getting caught). But, now it works. It works pretty perfectly. I suppose, if Dad really, really, really wants this table back when they return I could return it & go back to sitting on the floor. It's not like I put makeup on every day or every other day or sometimes for a whole week, but I am getting old and old people shouldn't have to sit on the floor.

Do you still love me, Dad?

And then there's this:

I thought he was dead. This was around 9 at night. I had to turn my light on to make sure he was still breathing. I mean, does he have to lay right on the edge of the bed?!? And does he have to lay like that?!? Looks like he just dropped dead. About gave me a heart attack.

He's fine & well. Well, you know, as well as can be expected, anyway. If he had died the other night at 3AM, I'm not sure I would have even cried. Ok, we know I'd have bawled my eyes out, but I was so irritated with both of them, I wanted to shut them out of my room. I'd had a really hard time getting to sleep that night - I think I finally dozed off around 12:30 and then was woken up at 2 by Elvis "smacking his lips", which is a precursor to him vomiting for the next hour. So I vaguely remember waking up enough to gently put him to the floor and I vaguely remember hearing him retch and then I do remember waking up completely and seeing a pile of vomit near his food dish and knew I had to get up to clean it because he'd walk right through it, unknowingly. So I sat up, slid on my slippers and got paper towels, cleaning supplies, trash can and went to work.....And then I noticed a smear of vomit on the rug my slippers were sitting on....and then I looked at the bottom of my slippers and noticedvomit smeared there, too.

This is why I always, always, always wear slippers!

At that point, I just threw everything into the wash - it was 3am - and curled back up into bed. And then Garfield curled up next to me and then Elvis jumped back onto the bed, right in Garfield's face and Garfield started growling and Elvis started meowing and I kicked Garfield off the bed. If she can't be nice, she doesn't deserve my soft, soft bed. And then Elvis started sneezing and I was seriously going bat-shit crazy at that point.

And then a new day dawned and all was well with the world....until the next night.

A new restaurant opened up in our downtown. I was invited to go with the librarians. Wouldn't it be cool if I meant "librarians" like the t.v. show "The Librarians" on TNT? We could search for supernatural artifacts and store them in a huge warehouse (library) and keep them safe from all the bad people in the world. If only. No, these are just regular, small-town librarians. It was the Catholic-one's birthday. So, yes, I endured more anti-gay, pro-religious remarks for her sake....and to check out the new restaurant.

It was cheap and the food was good but it felt like we were eating in a dungeon. Decor was way too dark. And service wasn't anything to write home about (oops). It doesn't help to have your 2-year-old-toddler trailing you everywhere and the word LOVE in sparkly glitter across your butt. Class, people - get some class. But, it was pretty busy (filled up while we were there) but I hope they get some white paint and go to town.

My diet hasn't been going too well the last couple of days. I made brats on Sunday, which are good, but then I put them in "low-carb" tortilla shells and that ruined it for me. Low-carb wasn't so low-carb. I think each shell had 19g of carbs. I usually eat 19g of carbs in one full day! So, yeah, diet was shot that day. And then yesterday I ate an enchilada at the new restaurant (which was actually a burrito - they don't know their Mexican) and rice and refried beans. I was ok except for the rice & tortilla shell. Damn tortilla shells. I'm stickin' with my Oopsie Rolls! I'll just bring them in little zip-loc baggies wherever I go.

I'm such a weird-o. And, hopefully, that's why my Dad still loves me!!! ;)

"Know what I'm mad about? About 24 hours a day!" -Maxine

Grrrrr, I can't stop thinking about stupid Indiana and their "Religious Freedom Restoration Acts". Let me ask all of you Christians: When have you been discriminated against because of your religion?!? At any time in the last 20 years, have you felt like you weren't running this damn country?!? Atheists are discriminated against. Minorities are discriminated against. Poor people are discriminated against. The LGBT community is discriminated against. It makes me physically ill to know that there are now 20 - TWENTY! - states AND the damn federal government with this or similar act. I'm just glad to report neither Iowa nor Nebraska are one of the 20 or one of the others with legislation pending. And how did I miss the other 19 + the federal government? I was asleep at the wheel apparently, or I just didn't care, or I was feigning religion, or I felt like there was nothing I could do about it anyway, so what's the point?

I still think there's not much I can do about it other than vote for the person I want in office and even then, there's no guarantee.

I think, mostly, I'm just sick & tired of "hiding" who I am. I mean, the Catholic librarian and I would more than likely not be friends if she knew I was an atheist who also supported gay rights and was a feminist. I've heard enough of her opinions to know....but has she heard any of mine? Nope. Because I don't want to be treated any differently because of my belief (or lack thereof). And I'm sick of it. I'd like to wear a sign that says "I'm an Atheist", though I probably wouldn't wear it because I'd be afraid someone would bomb my house because of it. Idiots.

I just need to stay off Facebook. Plain & simple. Oh, and not watch the news. Or talk to people. Easy-peasy!

On to happier notes....

My second attempt at making Oopsie Rolls:

Looking better!  I think what I'm going to do next time is not spray the parchment paper with coconut oil, like the recipe says, because I think the oil makes the "rolls" ooze too easily. But look! There are mounds! I mixed those egg whites for a good 10 minutes, which felt easily like 30 (my arm was ready to fall off just from forcefully holding the mixer!) and they did stiffen up more than the first time...so 3rd time's a charm!

And then this happened:

Ack! I just about cried. I'd put it in the wash bin with the other dirty dishes and when I picked it up to wash it, it broke in two. Where did I get this? My brother when he was living in Maine? Mom & Dad when they traveled to Oregon? I can't remember. I was probably drunk when whoever gave it to me (or maybe I bought it?) but regardless, I loved that damn thing. I glued it back together, but it'll never be the same. Now I'll have to be all gentle with it and I'll worry every time I use it and then attempt to wash it...*sigh* Nothing lasts.

And then this perked me up:

I only had my little lamp on in the bedroom. Can you see her? So funny. Totally relaxed, even though Elvis was only a foot away:

They are my delight.

"It is better to cut off the sleeve of your best robe than to disturb a sleeping cat." - The Prophet

How is he even breathing?!?

This is how he sleeps now. Not curled up in a comma-shape but like this. It's like his head is so heavy, he can't hold it up and the way it drops is the way it stays.

I'd like to blow his nose. Or, at the very least, put a mask over his nose & mouth. I'm amazed I haven't contracted some sort of feline-to-human disease with all the cat-snot sneezed in my direction.

*sigh*

But I love the little bugger.

"One day the weather is freezing, the next day it's burning up...it's like Mother Nature is on my cycle!" -Maxine

I did this today:

It looks like Jesus was saved by a horseshoe, but I had to do something. It had been bare too long and while it might snow tonight, I'm obviously ready for Spring. Snow can go screw itself at this point. I only used one horseshoe (I have a matching one) because I'm going to use the other to "burn" a wood sign "LUCKY" with the U as a horseshoe. I found a piece of crummy wood in Dad's garage (after hunting high & low for one - I found one as I was putting away the ladder...isn't that how it always goes?) I'm going to attempt to make this:

It won't look like this - at all - but there's this super easy technique to "burning" wood so I'm going to give it a go. If all else fails, I do have a wood-burning tool I can use. Be worried. Be very worried.

Yesterday was my "cheating" day and boy, did I go all out! Shan and I were going to lunch (I thought Mexican and is there an easy way to stay on this diet & eat Mexican? I don't think so...) so as soon as I woke up yesterday morning and realized I could cheat, I practically guzzled a soda. And then I was starving at 10 and realized I could (& should, to get rid of it) eat bread, I made 4 pieces of french toast. Two hours before lunch. I was really, really hungry. And then at lunch (we ended up at the local restaurant - no Mexican there...) I had a cheeseburger (that damn bun never tasted so good!) AND cheese balls. Mmmmmm, cheese balls. And I thought I'd be done for the day. I mean, how much more could I shove down my gullet? Apparently more. I finished off the turkey ham by having a ham sandwich at 9, followed by my almonds & chocolate chips. I'm pretty sure I ate every carb I possibly could yesterday. I really wanted mashed potatoes, but couldn't find any room in my stomach for them. Found room for everything else, though!

*sigh* It was so good.....

And now back to reality and water. I did find some water enhancer in pineapple/coconut flavor and one teeny-tiny drop does make a difference and only 1 carb, so that's a bonus.

I've been thinking a lot about a fence. I even "drew" one:

This is the "old" house but it was the best picture for this project.  That's Dad in the background. 

An artist I am not. But I just needed to do something proactive instead of sitting there, listening to them yell and cackle and baby crying and damn dog barking and me just seething....And here's the thing - their noise isn't constant. It's basically, during the week, three to four hours late afternoon to evening. The weekends are a different story - then I just want to pack up & move - but during the week, it's not constant. But when it happens, boy do I get livid - in my head. I'd never go off on someone. Shan & I were talking about that yesterday - I'm too damn polite or scared or passive. Instead, I just go crazy in my head. I guess that's a good thing. Anyway, I know fences are expensive and so are bushes and everything else I want to do outside my house and, hello? still jobless here, so nothing's going to change anytime soon, but it's nice to imagine how much better things would be.....with a fence. I should be surrounded by a fence at all times.

Tuesday morning, I was awake at 3:30am. Wide awake. Garfield probably growled & hissed at Elvis. Or Elvis sneezed in my face. Whatever it was - I was awake. I needed to get groceries at Walmart and rain was moving in and I didn't know how heavy it would be so I decided to throw on a baseball cap & go.

When you wake up that damn early, there are a lot of hours in the day to fill. It's daunting.

That's why, today, after waking up at 6:00am, I forced myself to sleep (I really twisted my arm) until 10:30. Luckily nobody needed me for anything today. It's not so daunting when you have fewer hours to fill in the day. It's almost 1 and I haven't even made lunch yet. This day is going to fly!

"Some people see the glass as half empty. Others see my teeth in it and just get freaked out." -Maxine

I'm happy to report, I'm cavity-free!

I was a little bit nervous about my dentist appointment this morning. Whenever I asked anybody about this new guy (new to me, anyway), they wouldn't give me an answer. They'd say something like, "Well, I shouldn't say anything because I've never been to him..." or something just as menacing, "My ex-husband went to him all throughout childhood. Now that he has a choice, he goes somewhere else."

Geez. What's this guy do? Clean your teeth?!? *Gasp!*

And that's just what he did. I was all ready for a battle of wills over my teeth, but he was kind and gentle and informative and didn't look at me like I was a flippin' idiot when I asked what floss he recommends, lol. Ummm, waxed or unwaxed? Is there thicker floss? No, idiot, just double-up what you have. Why had I never thought of that before? I'm so slow....

He did tell me I'm continuing to damage my teeth by grinding & clenching (sounds like some dirty dance). I'm flattening out my molars. Do I even have any molars left? He said I really do need to wear something at night (mouth guard) but understood when I said "It always ends up at the foot of the bed...Yuck!" He said they make new guards that aren't so invasive so I won't subconsciously take mine out in the middle of the night. BUT, that I wouldn't be able to get one now because of my insurance. I'll have to wait another 6 months to a year. What's the difference? I've gone this long....I'm pretty sure I can wait, though I did have to stop him once or twice to relax my jaw during the cleaning. He was really nice about it. How do they even understand what a person is saying when they've got their fists jammed into your mouth?

I told him what I remember from my appointment with an oral maxillofacial doctor 15 years ago. "I can tell just by looking at you, you're holding your tongue in the wrong place." This guy just about rolled his eyes at me and said I need to stop worrying about that....but.....that I do need to stop laying my tongue between my teeth (can't tell you how many times I've bitten my tongue) and that I need to put heat then cold then heat then cold on my jaw to loosen the muscles. That'll be a fun 15 minutes 2X's a day!

All in all, I was happily surprised by how pleasant the experience was. I've only had one bad dental experience in my life so I count myself lucky.

I'm seriously jonesin' for a soda. Can Diet Canada Dry really be that bad? *sigh*  I spent about an hour on-line googling it and yeah, yeah it is. It isn't water. It's full of sugar (aspartame) which is bad. I feel like I'm back in the days craving alcohol, only this won't kill me, presumably, if I fail and take a drink. But, I feel like that's a symbol of my failure. Diet Canada Dry. Who knew it could be a failure? If I drink one can today, who's to say I won't think it's o.k. to drink another one tomorrow and the next day and the next and two can't hurt, right? What about three? Is three o.k.? It'll never end and I won't lose the weight I so desperately want to lose. I'm getting really sick of water. I hit the grocery store tomorrow, so maybe I'll find some flavor packet of something to mix in with it. *sigh*

I'm telling myself I did my final raking this morning. I filled both bags again (after emptying them on my way to Atl). I'm so sick of raking. My yard still looks like shit but at least you can now see grass and not a three-layer-blanket of leaves. My god. Who knew so many leaves were blanketing my lawn?!? And then I heard someone running their lawn mower (they're crazy) and I looked across the street, and the only other person's yard that looked as bad was mine was clear of leaves and green and beautiful. Dammit. I'm the loser on the block. Ah hell. I might as well go with it. Be a rebel! Drink that soda!! :) I'll do anything to justify it....

Oh! My oopsie bread turned out pretty darn good. I mean, it looks nothing like bread or a roll or a biscuit or anything flour-related, but it tastes good and it worked today when I used it as a bun for my burger. Surprisingly well. Didn't tear or anything. I'm going to have to spend some time perfecting it and follow my aunt Hope's orders...

I finally made it to Salvation Army to get a new mowing t-shirt (my other one is seriously grungy). AND I got a new pair of mowing shorts, since mine don't fit and I'm not holding out hope that they will by the time I need to mow. All-in-all, $4.00. Not bad to have clothes that fit. I love the Salvation Army.

And I just thought this was cute....

She has to have her feet out from under the covers just like me! Adorable, but that chick seriously needs to lose weight. It's like moving a sack of potatoes. I wonder what she thinks of me?

OK, so I'm not Julie Child.

Here's my first attempt at making Oopsie Rolls:

Oopsie is right!

Here's what they're supposed to look like:

Ummmm, yeah. I've got a long way to go before mine look like that!

I'm not sure what happened. I separated the eggs - surprisingly, I did. I didn't whisk. I mixed. My cream cheese wasn't softened. I think I folded the whites into the yolks, but I didn't really know what I was doing. I did follow the instructions. Mine just didn't "firm up" like they should have. I wonder why. Anybody know why?

The recipe is easy.

3 large eggs, separated.
3 oz cream cheese mixed with the yolks.
1/8 tsp salt mixed in with the yolks.
1/8tsp cream of tartar mixed in with the whites (and let me tell you - it took me for-ev-er to find cream of tartar in the store!)
Whisk whites first until "firm". Mine got bubbly, but I don't think it ever got "firm".
Whisk yolk mixture.
Fold white mixture into yolk mixture.....slowwwwwwwwwly. I did mine in two shots. Maybe I wasn't slow enough.
Scoop with large spoon into 6 blobs onto parchment lined/coconut oil-sprayed cookie sheet.
Bake at 300 for 30-40 mins or until golden brown.

We'll see how they taste.

"How did the blonde die while raking leaves? She fell out of the tree!"

Would you rather A. Mow the Lawn, B. Shovel Snow or C. Rake Leaves. Your answer says a lot about you!  I, of course, would rather shovel snow. If there was any possible way to get out of raking leaves, I would. Isn't there some sort of creature/animal/insect/bird that eats leaves? If so, why isn't it living in my yard? There is surely a better way to get rid of leaves. Oh yeah, cut down the trees! I wouldn't want that, though. Someone needs to invent something better than a rake and bags. I've made...how many trips?.....7, I think, to the tree dump and I have two more full bags to take and still a lot of leaves to rake. I'm raking up sand & salt from this winter! Ugh, I hate raking. I wish my neighbor would cut down their tree. It's a disaster....and making my yard a disaster. Grrrrrr.

The guy who developed the Breathe Right strips is a genius and should win some Nobel Prize. I've worn one just about every night for at least the last month. I can't breathe when I sleep if I don't wear one. I'd like to send him some sort of thank you note....or how about a bucket of leaves? Is that an appropriate gift?

And whaddya get when you throw a bunch of food together? I don't know but it did taste good!

Doesn't look very appetizing, does it? But it was!

I had a pound of hamburger I needed to use up and had no idea what to do with it that I hadn't already done before. And I was really jonesin' for some cream cheese so....I mixed two eggs with about 4 oz of cream cheese (why two eggs? I have no idea, but it seemed like a good idea.) put that in the bottom of the dish, browned hamburger on top, topped it with black olives, mushrooms and cheese & baked for 15-20 minutes at 350. Oh, I mixed in onion flakes & garlic powder into the hamburger, too. I have no idea what it is, but it tasted good because it was basically hamburger & cream cheese. I think cream cheese can make anything better.

And 137lbs this morning!!!

I think I've learned the trick. I can't eat two big meals like this a day. I need to eat one at lunch and then just have a protein shake & some almonds for dinner. It's satisfying enough and whether I eat a normal meal at night or not, I'm hungry either way in the morning, so.....I just need to eat less.

And my Kindle....oh if this Kindle doesn't give me a stroke, nothing will. You remember, Dad "solved" my charging problem by bringing me another charger and it worked for him? Yeah, it didn't work for me. Not so much. I still had to jiggle & wiggle it to get that orange light to turn on indicating it was charging. It charged for two whole days (orange light was on, so it was "supposed" to be charging...) and every time I checked it, the battery indicator was lower & lower until finally it was dead. So I plugged it into my computer, just wanting to get all the books, docs & music off of it so when it permanently dies, I have a back-up and lo & behold! It charged via the computer! Geezy lou. It still has to be sitting just right with the plug just right but at least it charged. It doesn't seem to be charging right now, though. I have to walk away from it, it pisses me off so bad. And when I come back, maybe Garfield will have bumped it just so and it'll start charging again. *sigh*

Did I tell you my neighbor asked me to help his group write a grant for their music program? He did and I told him to get back to me this week and I'd have something for him. Basically, what I have for him is that most grants were due March 1 or September 1, but there is one due May 1...so if they get their shit together and become a 501(c)3 (non-profit), then I can write the grant. What did I get myself into? Because not only that, but the librarian gave me a HUGE binder for their Summer Reading Program that, apparently, I'm helping with and I'm supposed to read through it & get ideas. It's still sitting on my kitchen counter...unread. I just have to remind myself, none of this stuff is mine....meaning, I'm not totally & completely responsible for any of this. I can let it go....Let it go! Let it go! Can't hold it back anymoo-oore!

It'll all be fine and I won't have any panic attacks and I'll do a great job with both things and it'll be good for me.

I'm going to go lay down....

"You're really fun when it's not appropriate to be."

Today was my cheating day. I've been stuck at 138 lbs now for almost a week. I figure, what could it hurt? I had a soda on the way to my brother's house. It was so damn good!  And I'd woken up at 3:00am craving french toast so when I got home...

Five slices!

It was so damn good.

Waking up at 6AM the last two mornings (has it only been two?!?) did me in so I fell asleep almost immediately after scarfing down the syrup-coated-bread. When I woke up, my brother texted me and said he was coming home and I didn't have to check on the dogs tonight. (!!!!!!) I immediately threw my dirty clothes in the wash - because I'd been wearing the same track pants, t-shirt & jacket to his place because I knew I'd be covered in dog hair & dog smell. I've never been so excited to do laundry.

And then I decided to paint. My brother had a bunch of random paint at his house & said I could take whatever I wanted so I chose two half-empty jugs that were similarly colored, mixed them together and painted this:

What color is it? Who knows! It's a surprise! It's a mix of Vanilla Creme and some light beige color. Remember, this is what it looked like before:

This picture looks like it's white, doesn't it? Nope. It was pink. Basically the same color as the base of the tub. And there were all these stains & marks and god-knows-what on the walls, so now it looks fresh & clean....and it only took me 4 hours to do. I don't think I've contorted my body so much in a long, long time. I'm ready to go lay down.

Oh, and the other night I had a nightmare about a doll made of mud & twigs named "Itsie". I even woke up (kind of) and wrote down the word - Itsie - so I'd remember it the next day. Good thing (or bad?) I did, too, because I did actually forget. Seeing that word made me cringe. I googled it to make sure it doesn't really exist. It doesn't, as far as the web knows. And now I can't stop thinking about it. In fact, last night I dreamt that I asked Mom if I'd ever had a doll or an imaginary friend named "Itsie"....because that's how original I was in naming my things. My cat was Furfy (for fluffy & furry) and my imaginary friend was "Sockie" - not Saki, like the Japanese drink. No, Sockie, like a sock puppet. I seriously have no imagination....so it wouldn't surprise me to find out I did, in fact, have a doll named Itsie. Did I? Somebody tell me. Scares the hell out of me....

I'm off to go sip another soda, eat some PB cookies and lay flat on my back. Good night ya'all!

"The best way to keep your friends from borrowing your stuff is to have crappy stuff." -Maxine

I think we all know how much I love my little brother. I'd do anything for him. Maybe it's because I treated him so poorly when he was a kid and I was in my horrid teenage years, though he did cry when I left home (probably from relief). Or maybe because in my first round of "I think alcohol might run out so I better drink it all right-freaking-now" I called him incessantly. He was in the Navy. He told me to stop calling him so much. So the next round of "my body will cease to exist without alcohol" I learned my lesson and called him less...I still called him. Of course I did. Just less. I've been his chauffer. I've helped him move. I've kenneled his dogs. I've tried to make him laugh. I've let him crash at my house. What isn't there I would do for him? Nothing. Flat out nothing. If he called me, frantic because he's got a dead body in the trunk of his car, I'd more than likely help him bury it and hide the evidence. We'd be cellmates.

So I love him. Plain & simple.

But I don't know how the hell he's become the pig that he is.

I know we didn't grow up this way. I explain Mom's house as "always ready for visitors, even though nobody ever comes over". That's how I grew up. That's how I live. My house is always presentable. I don't leave shit lying around. Everything has a place and there's a place for everything.

*sigh*

It wears me out to go to his house.

His girlfriends mom is dying. She's in hospice. In Arkansas. So the whole clan drove down there last night. I'm going over twice a day to take care of the dogs & cat. I went last night and it took me about an hour to clean the cat's litter box. I wonder if the girlfriends daughter knows what that scoop thing next to the litter box is for? Geez. Poor cat. I'd bring her home with me but I'm pretty sure Garfield would eat her.

And just shit everywhere. Everywhere.

This morning, I couldn't take it anymore and cleaned the kitchen. I took out the trash and found a paper plate turned upside down on the floor. Picked it up and it was caked with syrup. So, syrup on the floor anyone? And I put dishes away out of the dishwasher so I could put the dirty ones in. How hard is that to do? I swept the floor. Took me two seconds. I wiped down the hutch in the dining room, the coffee table & end tables in the living room and there's a laundry basket full of what looks like trash in the living room but there was also a new box of Swiffer stuff in there too so I left it alone. I'll tackle that tonight. I emptied the two overflowing ashtrays and cleaned up his porch.

I could spend days doing this and I haven't even touched the bathroom. They need a maid and I think her name is Amy.

Though I get grossed out pretty easily so tonight I'm taking my rubber gloves with me to wear while I'm cleaning. I mean, I can't keep washing my hands every two seconds. They're going to run out of soap. And that's the other thing! They don't have any kitchen towels! Which is probably a good thing because they'd all be dirty & caked with food so best to use paper towels.

I kept talking to the dogs the whole time - "How do people live like this?" "I don't even want to know what that is." "Ugh, Gross!" I'd like to take over that damn house for a week and then set up rules for them to live by. And if they didn't, they'd owe me $100.

LOL.

I get it. I do. Not everybody is like me. I'm not even that clean...but I do hate shit lying around everywhere. I like things to look nice even if they aren't.

And they have 3 kids, 3 dogs and a cat. And my brother is a boy. Boys are just less clean. They care less about appearances. I care about not feeling like I need a bath every time I sit down somewhere.

There. That's my rant for the day. He has a lovely house. Really. It's beautiful. Somebody just needs to show that...and that somebody's me.

And what a good deed I'm doing for the family, who's going through a really hard time. I can't imagine losing my mom. I'll never be ready for that day. It'll be too traumatic. In fact, I've told my brother he might as well lock me up in a rubber room for a week when it happens. It'll be unbearable. So, I want them to come home to a clean house and not have to worry about putting dishes away or sweeping the floor or putting clothes away or any of that other shit....No, what they'll spend their time doing is looking for all the shit I've put away. Bwahahahahahaha.

"I'm afraid my cable company might be dropping the channels I like. Both of them." -Maxine

I fell asleep last night with the television on. I usually do but lately, sometimes I turn it off. When I do that, I wake up afraid of the dark, so the t.v. usually goes on rather quickly anyway. Don't know why I bother turning it off at all except that I'm afraid of burning it out. Anyway, I fell asleep last night with it on...not loud but just enough noise to distract the voices in my head. Around Midnight, the cable flickered, my t.v. went to static, and the volume increased by 100 decibels. That'll wake a person up! And then 1/2 the channels were out. Some stations are pink squiggly lines. Others are blue. Some are green. Pretty much every station I watch on a regular basis. They say it's an "outage" and they'd have it fixed by Noon. It's 5PM and some stations are back on but not all. A&E is on so I'm ok for the night to watch "Bates Motel" & "The Returned"....at least, if they stay on, that is. *eye roll*

Yesterday afternoon I was feeling a bit antsy. I didn't want to sit. I didn't want to watch t.v. I didn't want to read, even though I am reading an awesome book, "The Girl on the Train" by Paula Hawkins. Hits really close to home for me and maybe that's why I'm taking awhile to read it. Small doses. But it is really good. A regular person should finish it in a day or two. Anywhoo, I racked my brain trying to find something to do. I was feeling creative. Knit? Bead? Decorate something? Doesn't anything need painted?

I cleaned my stovetop.

Well, first, I filled some holes in my bathroom with Dad's spackle - thinking I'll eventually paint it all but just covering the holes is enough to appease me for awhile. Then I googled how to get stains off my white sink (baking soda & Windex & elbow grease - worked great!) and I scrubbed my stovetop burner covers (which will take a miracle to "look" clean) and then I baked some flourless brownies. They taste just like the ingredients - unsweetened cocoa powder. Blech....but I notice that's not stopping me from eating them. The PB cookies are wayyyyyyy better.

Look good, don't they? Looks can be deceiving.

I worry when I get like this. When I don't want to just calmly sit. I worry I won't be able to sleep. I worry I won't be able to read. I worry I'll wind up just staring at a wall or having sex with some random person or drink or do something else ridiculously stupid, like finally get so fed up with my neighbors, I snap and go ballistic and the cops are called and I'm either arrested or thrown in the looney bin. *sigh*

None of that has happened. None of it is (probably) going to happen. I think it's just Spring Fever. I just want to "do".

So this morning I woke up (slept ok - not great, but ok) & worked out first thing (instead of waiting until late afternoon when I've lately been working out) and I went outside & trimmed my rose bushes and then I decided to make this cauliflower/mac/cheese/ham recipe I've been holding onto and then I realized I didn't have a potato masher (why would I have a potato masher? I've never mashed potatoes once in my whole life?) so I walked to Mom & Dad's to get one and then I went back outside and cleaned up the leaves in the street drain and picked up sticks and other people's trash in my yard. And then cooking took my attention for an hour and I finally felt a bit normal again.

Mashed Cauliflower/Mac n Cheese/ Ham concoction

Eh. It was o.k. I used turkey ham and didn't have heavy cream so used my coconut milk instead and it was a bit runny but I'll eat the whole damn thing so it must be edible. This will be my meal for a few days. Going to be sick of it by tomorrow, I'm sure.

And just as I was getting relaxed this afternoon with my ear plugs firmly in place and my eye mask ready to be deployed, just finishing up a chapter in the book....and my phone rings. It was my snow-blower-carrot-cake neighbor asking for my help writing a grant for his music group. Good 'ol Shan (did I say she was my "friend"?) told him I could help. I'm actually quite happy to do so. As I was again trying to relax, reading my book after the phone call, I thought to myself, "I'm a bit heady" thinking that meant "giddy" (just realized it means "intoxicating" or "obstinate" so no, not heady....) but just glad to be asked for something I'm fully capable of doing and can't screw up or flake out of. So, I have a mission and having a mission is a nice thing to have.

And look what I found in my very own utensil drawer.

Why do I have a potato masher?

I'm pretty sure that's a potato masher under the pizza cutter. Who knew? How it got there, I have no idea.

"I don't like loud music....but neither do my neighbors, so it's worth it." -Maxine

*sigh* Here I sit in my own home with ear plugs jammed into my ears, my television cranked so I can hear it properly and so it'll annoy my neighbors (doubtful....I wonder if anything annoys them?), my fan running....anything to create noise to drown out their noise. I hate inconsiderate people.

My younger brother asked me, a few days ago, to go over to his place this morning to help him move his outdoor furniture to his deck. I was happy to do so! I figured I'd take 15 minutes to help him, then run to Salvation Army to find a new crappy mowing T-shirt. Perfect. So, I got up, bathed, even put makeup on (because if I'm going to do a little, I might as well go all out - and who knows who you'll run into at Salvation Army?) and ventured to his place.

Yeah. I don't know what it is about my immediate family but they tend to leave out details so a person can't properly plan anything. Hellllloooooooo! I'm a sweater! I literally can stand still and drip sweat. My arm pits stink up my clothes. When I was getting my Master's degree, it got really, really bad. I went to the doctor. He prescribed me some roll-on shit that I had to cover with seran wrap every night (that did not last!), so yeah, I have a sweating problem. If you've ever noticed, I'm rarely in a situation where my arms are down by my sides. That's because I sweat! And when I sweat, my clothes get wet. And when my clothes get wet, I stink! Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhh! And come on. If I'd known I was going to be doing what I ended up doing, I would not have bathed. I would have thrown on a hat, a pair of sweatpants and the crappiest T-shirt I own AND a pair of goddamn crappy shoes.

On a side note: I have finally found a deoderant that semi-works, after how many years of trial & error? Seventeen years, give or take?!? Yeah. 17-fucking-years I've been like this. It's Secret Clinical Gel, btw.

Not that I mind helping my brother. I'd drop & do anything for him. I just wish I'd known. Why is it so hard for my family to get that?

Anywhoo, I get there - we move his patio furniture & grill to the deck. And oh, yeah, by the way, we need to move the "I-weigh-a-ton" computer armoire to the garage (his g'friend wanted it in the basement. Yeah, not gonna happen). I only had to stop 5 or 6 or 7 times on the way to the garage to get my grip back. And then we had to move her son's bed down to the basement and his bureau into the other boys room and Oops, the bed doesn't fit down the stairs so lift, turn, pull back, take apart and away we go! And of course, I couldn't just leave things the way they were so let's rearrange the garage and move the box of basketball hoop that's been sitting in the living room since Christmas to the garage....

I asked my brother, "Don't you have any strong friends?" And he said, "Yeah, but they're all lazy." Why do he & I have such lazy-ass friends? It's a damn good thing we've got each other.

At least I didn't have to workout today. I got my sweat-on. My head was dripping. My shirt was drenched. Even my damn feet were sweating. I think it's pretty clear - I am not ready for summer.

And as I pushed the button to open my garage door, my forearm cramped up so bad, my hand went into a turkey-claw-curl. I could barely push the damn button to get the door down. And it happened again while I was trying to shave my leg (b/c I was in the bath as soon as I walked into the house). *sigh* Naptime.

And then.........bass, bass, bass, bass, bass, bass. It's times like these I seriously wish I were deaf. Could someone please donate a 6' fence to me? Please? Pleeeeeeeeease?

Really, though, none of this is so bad. I can cope. So I took an extra bath today & didn't make it to Salvation Army to get a crappy t-shirt. And the ear plugs aren't that uncomfortable....until the inside of my ear itches. Then they're torture. It's a good thing Elvis is already deaf. Garfield can adjust.

I just want to be able to cut my meat at dinnertime.

Even though I've now lost 7 lbs. I still look like this:

These are the shorts I wore all last summer whenever I mowed or worked in the yard. I'm pretty sure if I wore these to do any kind of "work", the button would burst. In just over a week, I've lost 7 lbs (138lbs!) but I'm still not close to what I was even last summer. What did I weigh last summer? 130? I'd be happy with 130 at this point.

Onward & upward!

My meal today was Parmesan Pork Chops. Best. Ever. My home smells like Spaghetti Works....which was cool for about 2 minutes. Now it just makes me want to hurl. Thus, all the windows are open (3) and now the outside smells like Spaghetti Works!

Tasty, tasty, tasty. Find it here:
Parmesan Pork Chops

And while I ate 4 peanut butter cookies after lunch yesterday - I have no willpower, temptation got the best of me, I don't know what "one" means, I just couldn't resist - I haven't had any, yet, today. I just keep thinking, "I have got to fit into at least ONE pair of shorts!" It feels good, losing weight.....

And then I talked to the librarian and she was all, "Yeah, but....on those diets, you lose the first few pounds easily and then....nothing..."  *eye roll* At least I've lost something. Seven pounds is a big deal. It doesn't look like a big deal. It doesn't even feel like a big deal when none of my clothes still don't fit, but it's something. And I'm only working out 20 minutes every other day, so if I get to the point where I stop losing weight, I'll up the workout & only eat freakin' vegetables, ok? OK?!?! lol. I'm really not that upset about her comment, but maybe deep down, I'm worried she's right.

Cross that bridge when it gets here.

I tried to rake some more leaves today. It's too daunting. I filled the bag I'd just emptied and didn't even make a dent.  I'm going to wait until I can mow and just crunch them all up. Hopefully they're not totally killing my lawn. Or if they are, maybe they'll kill my entire lawn and I won't have to mow ever again. :)

And heeeeeeeeeere's Garfield!

Plotting her escape.

"Peanut butter is always calling my name. So you know what I did? I ate that stalker!"

Holy peanut butter, Batman!

They taste like little pieces of baked peanut butter heaven. Get a good look because they'll be gone very, very soon!

And.......139lbs!

"Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart." ~Caryn Leschen

Ha! If only! (the head part, not the body part - I fully agree with the body part.)

I'm so excited today (no I haven't gotten a job yet - don't get too excited) and I don't even know what to write about. I'm happy, I think.

I had a professor once tell me that you stop being happy as soon as you realize you're happy. He was a Buddhist. I still don't understand it.

Here's why I'm happy, mostly:

Freakin' PEANUT BUTTER! I can eat PEANUT BUTTER! I'm going to try not to go crazy and eat the whole tub(s) in one shot, but it took all my willpower not to open up a jar right there in the Walmart parking lot.

It's the little things. Really.

And today is my "day off" from the diet. It's supposed to be a day I can eat/drink anything I want. And not in moderation either. I read one guy who ate himself sick, purposely, to make it not so appealing next time. I'm not going to go to that extreme. So far, my path has only veered to one Diet Canada Dry. I'm a rebel.

But, boy, does that soda taste good! Maybe that's why I'm so happy. Sugar-surge.

I was hungry this morning. Starving, in fact, but I didn't eat anything because my stomach does not do mornings. I went to the store, got home, rearranged my kitchen & pantry and then didn't really feel like making a heavy, greasy, meat-based meal. Sometimes a girl's just gotta take a break! So I had a protein shake, which kind of tasted like peanut butter because I didn't add any fruit...but maybe it tasted like peanut butter only because I've got peanut butter on the brain....Could be. And then I made this delightful concoction:

It's called a Paleo Mug Cake (paleo for paleolithic - eating what our paleolithic ancestors ate - I had to look that up. I thought "paleo" was a type of flour or something, lol.)

Here's where to find the recipe:
Paleo Mug Cake recipe

Gotta say: not the best "dessert" I've eaten...but also not the worst. It was a bit mealy, if you know what I mean. The flours are a bit different than what I'm used to and without the maple syrup, it surely would have tasted even worse. But it was very, very filling and I should be sustained until supper-time.

Next I'm going to attempt to make peanut butter cookies! O.M.G. I cannot wait! Now, those, I do need to eat in moderation....Only one, Amy, only one. *eye roll*

I ran into my favorite checker at Walmart this morning and yet again, she made me feel like a superstar. Said my hair was so cute and I could wear my hair any way I wanted because I have such a cute face (maybe the Walmart lighting is good for my eye-bags!) and I should be married...why aren't I married....I should date her brother...blah, blah, blah. She makes my day....though I'm staying single, dammit.

And the weather's beautiful -though that means my neighbors are outside, yelling, talking, cackling at all hours so really, I hate it... - but driving in it was nice. Yesterday I filled my leaf bag (with my neighbors leaves) and got out my porch furniture for the side porch. Then I sat outside, took apart my little birdhouse, threw away all the twigs from last year's nest and hung it on my tree. Dad hangs it better. :)

Even Garfield's loving the weather:

This is the only window in the house she can lay in the sill. I won't open my one bedroom window because it faces the neighbor & it's sealed against the rattling wind...and the other bedroom window doesn't open (no screen) so she better enjoy the view from where she's at 'cause that's all she's gettin'. I wonder if Dad & I can swap out the bedroom windows. Work for Dad when he comes home!

Speaking of Garfield.....you know Elvis loved going outside and he was so good about it. Never strayed off the porch, sat with me on the bench and came inside when I told him to. Such a good cat. But Garfield, oh Garfield, I fear she'll sprint away any chance she gets. She's always trying to escape... I wonder what that means....So yesterday, I put the cat harness on her and took her out to the garage (with the door closed) to see how she'd do.

It was a traumatic experience for us both. She lost fur. I lost skin off my hand. I was too traumatized to even take pictures.

I was able to get the harness on her (growling at me the whole time) but then when I needed to tighten it, it didn't work out so well. I got it o.k.-enough for her to walk and so we made a trip around the garage....and then she tried to just sprawl out on the floor and that was enough for me. She's dirty enough as it is. Then came the worst part of all - taking it off. That's when she lost fur & I lost skin. She is not afraid to bite and she knows how to use those jaws. Even last night in bed, she was crowding my feet & growling at Elvis so I tried to shove her off the bed (without fully waking up) and she just about got my foot.

So, I don't foresee a time, until she's old, gray & decrepit, that I'll let her venture outside...because no way in hell am I trying to put that harness on her again!

Whew! I guess I did know what I wanted to write about!

Oh, and to answer my aunt, Hope's, question from the previous posts.....is this a life change or a diet.....For now, it's a diet, but it could become a life change. It's like quitting anything (booze, cigarettes, sugar, caffeine) - once you quit, you don't want to go back to it because you know how hard it was to quit the first time and do you really want to go through that again? No, no I do not. So, as long as I don't have a heart attack, I'm sticking with it!

One week down!

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups. ~Rita Rudner

Holy crapballs!

I started this diet on Thursday, March 5th weighing 145lbs exactly. The next day I gained a pound or two, so let's go with 146lbs. (I tried not to look too closely because I was pissed & sad that I'd actually gained weight.) And here it is, March 9th, the beginning of the 5th day of this diet and I weigh 140lbs!

Who'd'a thought I'd be happy to see 140lbs?!? And no, I did not "adjust" the scale!

Whoo hoo! I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I can't resist thinking I'll be able to wear all my clothes within 6 weeks. And I won't look like my boobs are trying to make the great escape! Ahhhh, joy.

My meals have been delicious.Yesterday I made cheeseburgers & green beans:

That's cream cheese on top. Delicious!

And the night before:

Eggs & Walmart-brand "Hong Kong" blend veggies.

I thought I might start a grease fire yesterday, cooking the burgers. Good thing I keep my fire extinguisher in the kitchen!!  I have to use coconut oil (or olive oil) and that coconut oil is like digging for treasure, trying to get it scooped out of the jar and let's face it, I'm not much of a cook, so I don't know how much to put in the pan and grease was everywhere.....I was cleaning the entire time I was cooking. I'm not sure my stove's ever been so clean. No fire and everything turned out fine.

I'm so damn ecstatic this diet is working. Seriously, who'd've thought eating such fat-rich proteins would be a good thing? I'm sure my arteries are totally clogged, but, really, is that my biggest concern? I think not.

I do, however, miss soda desperately and boy, wouldn't I love some mashed potatoes with pork chops and bread's never sounded so good, and I miss pasta and what I wouldn't give for a piece of damn cake! I can bake on this diet, but I'd have to buy all new ingredients (flour, etc) because what I have is too carb-heavy, apparently. *sigh* But it's good. I don't miss soda as badly as I thought I would and I can live without mashed potatoes (mashed cauliflower, anyone?) and the food's so good, I don't feel like I'm missing anything. Onward & upward!

I was scrolling through the pictures on my phone last night, deleting what isn't needed, and came to this picture:

While I've joked, often, that my face is crooked, it hit me last night, I'm a freak of nature! Really! One eye is lower than the other. It's like I've had a stroke I didn't know about and 1/2 my face sagged. So this morning, I put on actual makeup to take my picture with my cute haircut so my hairstylist doesn't forget what she did...and here's the results:

It's bizarre! The eye on the right (my left) actually looks lower & bigger. How is that possible?

This is as good as it's going to get. 

These pictures do not do justice to the haircut. It really is perfect. Best ever. It took awhile to get used to, but now I don't want it any other way. However, when I work out, the sweat just rolls off my head (no hair to catch it). That's what do-rags are for!

That's all I can remember wanting to write about today (thinking about it as I laid in bed last night)....I feel as if there's something more....it's right on the edge of my brain....nope, it's gone. Sorry. I'm sure it wasn't important. Next week: Five pounds lighter!!

"Fight global warming...Shut your mouth!" -Maxine

It must be officially Spring because the neighbor's are already pissing me off. I guess I can kind of understand people's "Spring Fever" but, really, do they have to inflict it on the rest of us who aren't bothered by whether or not it's cold or warm or hot outside (except hot - I absolutely despise hot). I was sitting in bed with Elvis and thought to myself, "I wish I were deaf". I wonder how many times I've wished that over the years. I mean, other people's constant noise has always bothered me. I remember living at home while I was going to college. I was upstairs studying and my younger brother was washing his Lincoln in the driveway....with the bass cranked up...so all I could concentrate on was this "thump-thump-thump-thump" noise. I went outside and told him, "Not everybody in the neighborhood needs to hear your music...."

And then I moved to CB and lived in a cheap apartment. Cheap, but nice enough for me....if not for the neighbors. I had a guy & girl on one side of me - probably 18 yo & on meth or some disgusting drug, and a couple of Mexicans on the other side of me and I was literally going insane. My place also got burglarized on Christmas morning, so I was ready to get the hell out of dodge.

I moved into a "retirement community" thinking it'd be perfect for me. Quiet. Respectful. Considerate. I think my first week there I walked downstairs to my neighbor and asked her to turn the music down. Told her the reason I moved here was for the quiet. We became each other's cat-sitters. On the other hand, the woman & man across the hall from me were another story entirely. I woke up at 2AM to her trying to break down her door. I thought she was trying to break mine down, for all the noise she was making. I called the cops. It quieted down after that....for awhile. But I was at their place, knocking on their door, often, to TURN IT DOWN! I mean, if I could hear their shit through their wall, across the hall and through my wall...it was entirely too loud. Get some damn headphones.

And then I moved. Into the house. Which I love. But if I could wish for anything, it wouldn't be to go deaf because I like music too much (that's pretty much the only reason not to go deaf...) - it'd be for a 6' wall between our houses. And if not a wall, then some really thick, high, prickly hedges. Because as rude as the Beverly Hillbillies next door to me are, the next people to move in will more than likely be worse. It's been a downhill progression since I moved in. I'm not hopeful.

*sigh*

I live in my ear plugs so maybe I will go deaf....

My lunch today was fan-freaking-tastic. Who knew chicken could taste so good? I felt like I was eating at a smoke-filled restaurant that also serves cat hair on the menu.

Cubed-chicken, cheese, salsa, avocado & black olives.

This is definitely going to be my go-to meal from now on.

And BLECH! Have you ever had plain yogurt? I mean P-L-A-I-N. I didn't realize how sweet regular yogurts were and then to taste that...expecting something totally different...and getting sour & bitter. Puke. So now I know - mix some frozen blueberries in there and make sure to eat one with each bite so as not to pucker up your jaw in pain. Blech!

And still no soda. It's seriously driving me batty how often I pee because I'm drinking so much water. I mean, it might not bother me so much in the hot summer when a cold toilet seat would feel good...but when it's 30 degrees out and I'm shivering already and then I know I have to go sit on that damn frozen toilet...My bladder's about ready to explode, that's how long I'll put it off. I want a seat warmer.

To end on a good note in this hate-filled rant:

She doesn't seem to care that the temperature outside is warmer....it's still 60 degrees in the house, so....Snug as a bug in a rug.

"Those aging rock stars can still make us women scream by taking off their shirts. "Eeeeewwwwwww!!"" -Maxine

Happy Birthday to this big guy (now little & scrawny & bony)! He made it to year 17!!! He may be blind. He may fall off the bed more times than I can count. He may get lost in a corner and meow incessantly....but I wouldn't trade a second. He's been with me for 13 years...let's hope for one more.

On another happy note, I survived last night without drinking a soda. I had a fierce headache, I felt like I was going to vomit or pass out at one point...but I didn't & I made it through the night.

I think I gained a pound.

*sigh*

Let's hope that the scale starts going the other way....

There was a woman I worked with at the church who always complained about her weight. She weighed then what I weigh now, I imagine. I would roll my eyes at her and I'm pretty sure I even said at one time, "It's o.k. to be hungry...you don't have to satisfy every need...." What a ditz I was. And now I get it. It's like I've inched closer to 40 and my body has betrayed me and I don't know how the hell to stop time!

Yesterday morning, as I was trying yet again to hide the bags under my eyes, I looked at all my wrinkles and wondered, "When did I get old?"  This last year. That's when I got old. Age 39. And then I went to Walmart and picked up my prescription and the lady said, "Oh! I entered your year of birth as 1985!" to which I said, "Thank you! I'm 10 years younger!!" She said I've got a long way to go until I get old.

Wait. What? You mean this shit gets WORSE?!?

I'm going to go eat my high-fat breakfast. Wish me luck.

"The worst thing about rising food prices is that pretty soon everybody will be eligible to go through the ten-items-or-less lane." -Maxine

A few days ago, whilst cuddling in my electrically-warmed bed with two additional bundles of sun (cats), I googled, "How to lose weight fast". Because, obviously, what I'm doing isn't working. I can't even lose weight slow. I've worked out the last 9 out of 10 days. I've been "thinking thin". I've even felt a little bit thinner! And then I weighed myself this morning and knew my decision was the right one. I'm still stuck at 145lbs. Five more pounds and I'm officially "overweight" for my height. Cheezits! Getting old sucks.

So! Starting today, I'm trying out a low-carb, low-sugar, high-protein, high-fat diet. It goes against everything I've ever thought about food and fat. You want me to eat fat-loaded cheese?!? You want me to dump the grease onto the vegetables?!? I shouldn't buy "low-fat"?!? In what world is that right?!?

Whatever.

I'm telling you - I'm willing to try any damn thing at this point. My boobs cannot get any bigger.

I figure I'll lose weight because 1. I'll be in the bathroom non-stop because my body does not do well with fats or 2. I'll be so lazy about actual cooking that I just won't eat. Either way, I'm willing to try it out.

The hardest part for me is NO SODA. Do you know how long it's been since I've gone without a soda? Even for a day?!? DECADES. I'm telling you, at least 20 years. And boy, I can feel the sugar withdrawal. I've got a headache (I cut caffeine out of my life years ago, so it's not that kind of withdrawal). I'm ready to toss both cats off the damn bed (It's my freaking bed!!!!!!!!). And I'm starving.

This is what I had for lunch:

Spinach & "Meatza"

Boy, I love spinach. I really, really do. I even bought the kind with Popeye on the can. Thanks, Mom, for introducing me to this when I was little....I can feel my muscles growing already. Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. And then there's Meatza. Can't go wrong there, can I? Brown some hamburger, mix in whatever veggies I want (mushrooms & black olives & onions) and stir in some salsa, top with cheese and bacon.

Seriously. How can this help me lose weight?

Anyway, it was delish and I have three more meals out of the whole thing....which I should have eaten immediately because I was still freaking hungry. I was also in the bathroom within the hour.

Gulp more water down. Smoke a cigarette even though, boy, they taste like ass without soda to go with them and try to take a nap. Forget your stomach. Forget your cravings. Just rest those beautiful, baggy eyes.

Holy crap, if Elvis falls off the bed one more time, it might be his last. So no nap....And since what I read on-line said most people eat a lot of these meals in one day (up to 6), I decided to make my protein shake NOW...before I rip both cats heads off...

Mix in Coconut or Almond milk, protein shake, blueberries. Blend. Yes, I got out my blender. Which hasn't seen the light of day since I tried to make margaritas....so 3.5 years ago.

MMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm.

It's a bit chunky so I'm eating it with a spoon and it's not doing a damn thing for my headache, but it sure does taste good.

Maybe I can allow myself one soda per day? At night while I'm watching my shows? Surely one would be o.k., right? Right?!?

*sigh*

Not for me. I'm all or nothing. If I have one, that leads to two, which leads to three and four and...it never ends. So I hope I can stick it out tonight and wake up feeling thinner tomorrow.

The night I made this decision, I dreamt that I weighed 645lbs (I must have caught a glimpse of "My 600-lb Life" or something.) and then the next morning, I weighed myself and was down to 602! I woke up feeling pretty darn good about myself....

On a happier note, Elvis turns 17 tomorrow! He made it! He lived! Well, that remains to be seen. If he doesn't stop curling up in my spot on the bed.............

"I like to nap after a big meal...so I make sure to gorge myself at least twice a day!" -Maxine

Today, I'm attempting to drink 8 glasses of water. I've already drank 1. I imagine my toilet's going to be getting a fine workout today.

I was reading about home remedies for baggy eyes and, of course, staying hydrated is one of them. Reducing a person's salt intake is another (no processed foods? What would I do???) I've already put black-tea bags on my eyes....cotton balls soaked in warm water & salt....and when I hit the grocery store, I might actually buy my first cucumber to slice, freeze and lay over my eyelids.

This morning, I attempted to follow a chick's instructions to conceal my baggy eyes.

I only did one. Can you figure out which?

Seriously. I might as well not even bother trying. Because now I have to wash my damn face....again. And it's the one on the left, if you can believe it.

*sigh*

I give up.

On a rather funny note, Sunday I cuddled in bed with both cats. Yes, both - though Garfield stayed well away of Elvis. The problem was, when I wanted to get up, I couldn't.

My leg must be really comfortable.

Ummm, I kind of need that appendage. 

I was laughing my ass off. She absolutely refused to move and my damn leg was twisted in the blankets. I had to spray her with the handy water bottle I keep hooked over my headboard....in case of emergencies like this. She grudgingly gave up her spot. It must drive her insane how often she gets comfortable and then I go & ruin it.

And did you watch any T.V. Sunday night?!? Holy Moley! It was a complicated evening of:

Watch ABC's "Secrets & Lies" (awesome!)
Tape Fox's "Last Man on Earth" (ummm, anybody notice she's Louise from Bob's Burgers? Drove me a little insane.But still good....)
Tape CBS's "Battle Creek". (Does anybody not love Josh Duhamel? And I love Dean Winters. So cynical.)
Watch the encore presentation of "The Walking Dead".

Whew!

I'm a diehard Walking Dead fan so that was my number 1 priority. Luckily it was on again at 10 because otherwise I'd've had to go to Mom & Dad's, commandeer their vcr and tape Secrets & Lies.

It was a very complicated evening. My brain hurt.

This is what's it come to....my biggest challenges in life are trying to unravel myself out of bed and maneuvering t.v. shows. Sounds about right.